Love's Fool: The Taming of Lydia Bennet
by PemberleyFan
Summary: Starts after the events in Mr. Darcy's Persistent Pursuit. What happens when England's most thoughless girl marries the man most determined to reform her? Follow our headstrong anti-heroine to her marriage and her new life in Newcastle.
1. Prelude to a War

_Love's Fool: The Taming of Lydia Bennet_

_Or_

_What Happened After Mr. Darcy's Persistent Pursuit_

_**My name is Lydia Bennet and I am imprisomed by my aunt and uncle on the second floor of 23 Gracechurch Street, Cheepside, London. I want out! I can pay you handsomly if you have me releesed. Bring the police! **_

_**Yours, etc.,**_

_**Lydia Bennet**_

_Dearest Lydia,_

_One of the servants found the attached note on the street under your window early this morning and gave it to your uncle. I must remind you that you are not imprisoned in our home; rather, your father wishes you to be here while we prepare you for your marriage and as you are under his control, summoning the police will do no good. I see that you are of a creative turn of mind. Since you have little else to entertain yourself, you might do worse than chronicling your thoughts and feelings in written form. Perhaps the self-reflection might encourage your speedy maturation and the acceptance of your future, and help you to see that your father wishes for nothing but your best. To that end, I give you this journal. Please use it well and remember that I am always_

_Your loving aunt,_

_Mrs. M. Gardiner_

_N.B. You are being moved to a room at the back of the house later today. Locking your door will do no good, for we have the only key._

_N.B. I have taken the liberty of providing the correct spelling of the following words: imprisoned, handsomely, released, Cheapside. You will have ample time to improve your education once you remove to Newcastle._


	2. Tricks and Strategems

_**Thank you so much to everyone who has commented on the very short introduction-you are too kind to comment on so little! And thank you to everyone who has already decided to follow the story. I'm feeling the pressure! This is a format I have never attempted to use for writing before so, as Mr. Fret would say, we shall see how it goes.**_

**June 2****nd**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I am writing in this journal because there is nothing else for my entertainment in this forsaken hovel of a house where I must now live until my wedding day. That is, if I am to have a wedding day, which I will not allow unless my dear Wickham returns for me. My aunt and uncle keep me here as though I am a prisoner, and my aunt tells me that I should be grateful for their attentions!

To keep my own head straight I shall write down what has happened since Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy came to me in the boardinghouse where I was staying with Wickham. They came upon me suddenly, last Thursday evening, as I was preparing to leave my room by opening a window and crawling through it. Though I had much rather leave in the usual way, Wickham had taken the ten pounds I brought with me and left with it, saying he would be back with theater tickets and a new bonnet, but then he did not return at all. I stayed in that room for two days, watching for Wickham out the window every half hour, and then tried to leave to find him, but that awful Mrs. Younge said I could not leave for the room was not paid. Stupid woman, how could I pay for the room if I could not leave in order to find money? I really think she is not right in the head.

Thursday morning I awoke early and tried to ease my way past her door, but my valise fell and caused The Old Hag to awake, and after that she set the lock so that I could not leave.

But she is a simpleton to think such measures will work on me, for leaving my bedroom without being caught was nothing but sport for me at Longbourn. I waited until it was quite dark and began to work at the largest window in my room, in order to raise it and let myself out. The window frame was stiff, but I moved a hat-pin up and down along the length of the sill, causing the wood to loosen and move more freely. Another ten minutes and I should have been out, although now that I think of it I am not sure how I would have come off of the roof.

But then Elizabeth and that Darcy man came to the door, and I have been here ever since. This is the most hateful situation of my life, and I shall never submit to the marriage they think they have made for me. They shall soon discover how impossible it is to intimidate Miss Lydia Bennet!

**June 3****rd**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I should not be surprised this has happened to me, for my family have never loved me as they do my older sisters. I know this because of our names: Jane Sophia Bennet, Elizabeth Marie Bennet, Mary Grace Bennet, and Catherine Anne Bennet. I am just plain Lydia Bennet. With so many girls I suppose they ran out of names by the time they got to me, and anyway I was supposed to be a boy. But it is not my fault that I am a girl! I do believe papa might have arranged things better, if he had gone to any effort.

Mr. Fret came today to meet me. He is the man they would have me marry, a disgusting old man of at least fifty years and greatly gone to fat. His red coat made him only marginally handsome, if one could overlook his crooked teeth. I see only one good thing about him—he is a soldier, and I am to be an officer's wife. I always try to display proper manners, even if I am being sadly misused, and so when he gave me a bunch of flowers I gave them a good sniff first before I dropped them on the table. That's when I started sneezing my head off, and he gave me his kerchief to use to blow my nose. He asked me if I would like to keep the kerchief and sew our initials on it after it is laundered. What a joke I will be to him as a wife, if he expects me to exhibit such domestic skills as sewing. It will almost serve him right.

I forgot to finish my story about what happened after Lizzy and that awful Darcy came and got me. Darcy had already paid for my room so The Witch decided to let me go after all, and we walked down the steps very properly and I said good by to everyone in the common room as I left, for I was a great favorite there. My aunt and uncle were waiting in a fine carriage, and they brought me back here to their house and absolutely insisted that I take a bath, for my aunt thought she saw a louse. I could have told her to save the bath for Mr. Darcy, who is the biggest louse I have ever seen! I cannot believe that my own sister would marry such a man but mama says some people think only of money.

I am sure that Wickham would have come back for me right away if he had not seen Mr. Darcy nosing around, trying to get information so he could persecute him again. And now he has chosen to take me from Wickham by making me marry Fret, who I am sure had to be persuaded with money. It must be a great deal of money, for Mr. Darcy is very rich. I wonder what I am worth to Mr. Fret, but I shall not ask.

**June 4****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I am worth five thousand pounds. Mr. Fret told me today, for I asked him. I told him he is getting a grand bargain, for he should count himself lucky to be marrying me at all. He just looked at me and I could not read anything on his face, and then papa sighed and told him he could have my share of the settlement on me and my sisters, which comes to one hundred pounds per annum. I think Fret should have held out for more. If papa can afford five thousand pounds then he can certainly afford a few hundred a year. Fret is not a very observant man.

**June 5****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

Elizabeth has married The Louse. They married three days ago but my aunt just now thought to mention it. They did not let me go to the wedding because my aunt says it is not proper for me to be out in public. She is ridiculous. I did nothing that many others have not done, and less than some, for Wickham and I did nothing to catch a baby the way other girls do. But aunt did not ask me that and I shall not tell her.

**June 8****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

Uncle Gardiner told me today that Wickham is not coming back for me, ever. That he cannot come back, for he is on a boat to the Americas. That after Wickham left me at The Old Hag's boardinghouse, he was observed by some of his creditors and handed over to the police, and they threw him in The Clink for his debts.

There! I always knew Wickham would have come back for me if he could!

Mr. Darcy got him released from prison so that he could be flogged, and now he will have to live out the rest of his life in a country not of his birth. The flogging was for running away from the militia, not for his debts. The hateful man, I shouldn't be surprised if The Louse flogged him personally. He has had quite a Vendetta against Wickham his whole life. I hope America is far enough away that Wickham will never have to suffer such persecution again.

**June 12****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

Fret came to see me again today. I smiled my prettiest smile for him and he surprised me by smiling back. He has not usually smiled at me and so I knew my plan was working. I told him that I have been lonely and bored here in my Uncle Gardiner's house, and would he not enjoy some company on the town? And since tomorrow is the Lord's day, he could start by escorting me to services, and then the next day perhaps we could take in a theater show. I thought this was very clever of me, for who can fault me for wishing to go to services? He smiled again and said he was glad I was taking an interest in my Spiritual State.

Once we are inside the church, it will be nothing for me to slip away in the crowd and leave the building, and poor Fret shall never find me again. I shall go to the docks immediately and board a boat for the Americas, and I shall never see this house again! I am not exactly certain how long it takes to get to America, but I know that if I smile at the right gentleman on the boat, being allowed to continue on will not be a problem. A pretty face opens many doors, I have learnt.

Fret has promised to call on me at ten o' clock tomorrow morning. By this time tomorrow night I shall be a free woman once again. I cannot wait to see my dear Wickham.

**June 13****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

FRET IS THE MOST ODIOUS MAN IN ALL OF ENGLAND.

14 June, S- Street

_Dear Miss Lydia,_

_I am truly sorry to have offended you with my gift. When you said you wished to attend services with me yesterday I could not bear to disappoint you, yet your uncle and aunt have forbidden you to leave the house even for such a noble purpose as enriching your soul. I had no idea a volume of Fordyce's Sermons would elicit such a strong reaction in you, when it would appear to assist you in reaching your spiritual goals. You left the room so quickly that I had not the opportunity to discover why this was objectionable. Perhaps you disliked the binding?_

_The offending volume has been removed from the house. After this I shall inquire with you first to see if my gifts are acceptable._

_Yours truly,_

_Jonathan Fret_

_N.B. You may wish to consider less transparent ways to try to escape your uncle's control. You would have been caught immediately._

_N.B. If you ever hit me over the head with a book again, I shall hit you back._

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**His Majesty's Army, 7****th**** Division**

**14 June, London**

The contract has been signed and the banns have already been read, and in three week's time I shall be a married man. If I were to procure a license, I could be wed much more quickly, but I am a parsimonious man, not given to unnecessary spending, and hope that my wife will follow my example.

My purposes in marrying are threefold: one, for the companionship and domestic comforts offered in such an arrangement; two, for the procreation of an heir; three, for the deep affection that will probably (may perhaps) arise between two people so closely associated in such intimate ways.

As a member of His Majesty's Army for the past seven years, I am accustomed to think in military terms, and therefore I define here my objectives, strategies and tactics.

Primary Objective: to marry Miss Lydia Bennet in accordance with the contract now signed.

Barriers to Objective: Miss Lydia Bennet

Strategies to enlist: Concentration of Forces, Shock and Surprise, and Deliberate Limitation of Information

Secondary Objective: We shall see how it goes.

Likelihood of Success: We shall see how it goes.

_**Author's note: if anyone has any ideas for how to format this to make the different voices stand out, I am all ears! Thanks!**_


	3. Rules and Regulations

_**Thank you to everyone for your continued kind comments and feedback. I have tried to answer everyone personally. If I overlooked you, please trust that it was not intentional.**_

**Chapter 2 **

**Rules and Regulations**

**June 15****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I shall never, ever forgive my sisters for marrying before I did. Elizabeth was the first, Jane is marrying today, and I, Lydia Bennet, am still waiting to wed.

I did not think it would happen this way. Jane first came out when she was sixteen and everyone said she would be married right away because she is so beautiful. I suppose she _is_ rather pretty, but nothing out of the common way. I was the only one not surprised when she received no offers. She is three and twenty now and I thought sure she would die an old maid.

Elizabeth was not much better. In fact she is even worse for she has no beauty at all, even mama says so. And she talks too much, and tries to be witty with the gentlemen when we all know that is not what they value at all.

So then Jane attracted the attention of Mr. Bingley, a simpering, silly sort of man who could never decide if he actually cared for her enough to propose or not. I suppose he must have decided that he did, for he finally made her an offer, but they were not to have been married for at _least _another month. And then Elizabeth was so jealous of Jane that she actually chased Mr. Darcy to his home and would not leave him alone until he had to marry her. I think it is very unseemly behavior to chase after gentlemen so.

Both of them have always known how much I would like to get married. The least they could do is wait until I am wed before getting married themselves, since it is of no importance to them.

**June 17****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

Fret came back today. It was his first time here since The Great Book Disaster. I thought he had given up on me and told him so, but he said he was only absent because he was making ready for our marriage. I told him there will be no marriage, not with him, but he did not believe me. He gave me a paper with three dates written upon it: June 28th, June 29th, and June 30th. He said that those were the possible dates for our wedding and would I like to choose one? I told him I would choose to do nothing with a toad like him and he then circled one date with a pencil and said, "June 28th it is," as though I had said nothing at all. If he insists that I marry him he might at least give me the courtesy of choosing when it will happen!

**June 19****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I do not see why Fret comes to see me daily. I have nothing to say to him and take care that he knows it, but it does not seem to bother him. He is content to merely sit and watch me until it quite drives me out of my mind, and then I am forced to speak to him. Today I told him he cannot plan to be married on June 28th when the banns have not even been read. I think he was embarrassed that he had forgotten about such a necessity, for he said nothing in reply. Now he will be forced to delay his plans for another three weeks, in which I rejoice, for in three weeks I should be able to find some way out of this.

**June 20****th**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

I am going to be ill. When Fret came today he said that he had my uncle's permission to tell me about the banns. They were already announced on June 6th! Nobody even told me. I am sure they feared my reaction.

I wish Jane were here, or mama. They did not always dislike me as the others did. Maybe they could persuade papa to stop this course of action.

I begin to be quite ill.

**June 21****st**

**Gracechurch Street, London**

Papa told me today that I must grow up. I do not know why he said that. Fifteen years of age is quite grown up enough, or I should not have been allowed into society. He told me I must resign myself to being married in seven days, and then Fret said that since there is already a contract, I would marry him or marry nobody at all. I told him then I choose Nobody At All. Papa said that I was most impertinent, and that I would without a doubt enjoy becoming better acquainted with our cousin Collins. I asked him what he meant, and he said that I cannot return home unmarried and if I will not marry then I may as well join a nunnery, or go to live with cousin Collins, which is very nearly the same thing. He is wrong, for a nunnery would be much more lively!

I told him again that I will marry only Wickham, and he told me to take a note from his hands, a note he said that Wickham wrote to Darcy. Papa said it would confirm that Wickham had no Honorable Intent towards me. I did not take the note, for suddenly I am afraid that what papa says might be true. I walked away from them both and let the door slam behind me.

**June 22****nd**

**Gracechurch Street**

I have still not read Wickham's note. I will never read it. But I told Fret today that I will marry him, though the thought still makes me ill. It is the only way for me to get out of This Dreadful House. He smiled. I believe he thought he was being charming. Then he gave me a small box and told me to open it when I am by myself.

I opened it just now and found a small necklace.

When Fret smiles he does not look quite so ugly as before.

**June 24****th**

**Gracechurch Street**

My aunt will not let me buy one single thing for my wedding! Not a dress, a bonnet, or even a pair of gloves. I think she is jealous of me. She will allow no one to go ahead of her.

Fret told me today that my pin money is to be twenty five pounds per annum. Out of this I am expected to purchase: my bonnets, gloves and slippers; writing utensils and supplies; small furnishings for our house; extra sweets not included in the Household Budget. He said that he would be pleased to see me give some attention to charity with my pin money as well, and will take care to point out those truly in need.

I am also, as his wife, to supervise the management of the home and his person. By this he means I must ensure that the home is clean according to his standards, to ensure that meals are served promptly on time, and that his personal clothing is always set out to wear the night before. He does not have a valet.

Fret is so regimented, I believe if he were told that tea time were the proper time to jump off of a bridge, away we would go!

Tomorrow I will ask him what he means by Household Budget.

**June 25****th**

**Gracechurch Street**

I have begun to think on the purchases I shall make with my twenty five pounds per annum and I have come to realize that it is entirely inadequate for my purposes. Twenty five pounds spread out over twelve months will give me, I think, just over three pounds per month. I am not certain because I have never enjoyed figuring. That is a man's job. But I can see that I will have to start learning how, because Fret does not know how money ought to be spent. At Longbourn mama gave me whatever I needed each week, and I hardly ever ran short. I think that is a much better system.

Elizabeth says I ought to be grateful Fret is giving me anything at all. It is so easy for her to speak! I am certain her pin money is twice mine, at least, and told her so. She said it is none of my concern and that Darcy trusts her not to overspend. Well_ she_ may have an adoring, rich husband; _she_ may afford to spend just as she chooses; _she_ may have more pin money than she can spend each month. I only have Fret and I shall have to manage _him_ as best I can.

**June 26****th**

**Gracechurch Street**

I asked Fret today if he will speak to my aunt about letting me buy at least a new bonnet and gloves for my wedding. It is really quite improper to even think of being married in the best bonnet and gloves I have now, for they show six month's wear at least. He said he would do nothing to undermine my aunt's authority and asked did I open the box he gave me. He said the necklace would look very pretty on me for my wedding day and would I wear it that day to please him. I told him I would wear it to please myself, not him, and he said that is good enough for now. Insolent man! When I left the room I believe he was actually laughing at me. Fret has a very strange sense of humor.

**June 27****th**

**Gracechurch Street**

Tomorrow is my wedding day. My stomach is beset with anxiety but I cannot wait to leave this house. My aunt has been busy talking at me all day, trying to tell me of my duties to my new husband but I do not think I need the advice, for I have seen how my mama treats my papa and am determined to follow her example. And anyway, that is only if I stay with Fret, for there is no law saying a woman must live with her husband. I shall ensure that after a few days, Fret will be only too glad to be rid of me!

We will stay the first night in the room Fret has taken here in the city and the next day we shall travel to Longbourn. We shall be there two days and then we are to travel on to Newcastle, where I believe Fret's regiment is stationed. I do hope he will be married in his red coat. If I must be married then I must be married to a handsome man, and if Fret wears his red coat I shall at least be able to pretend that I am not marrying a toad.

While we are at Longbourn I may decide to tell my mama that I choose not to stay with Fret. I am sure she will then let me stay with her if I want, although papa will argue. Mama loves me, even if nobody else does.

**June 29****th**

**S- Street, London**

I write now as Lydia Fret. We were married from my uncle's house yesterday morning, and Fret looked almost handsome in his regimentals. Every man ought to be required to wear them, especially my husband. I begin to think that he is younger than I had thought—maybe only forty or so.

I did not wear his necklace, for why should I do anything to bring him pleasure when this is all his fault? I could see that he was disappointed not to see it on me when I first appeared, but he made no comment and I refused to observe him. My father took me down the aisle and handed me over to Fret and I am certain he sighed with relief as he did so. He must have been afraid Fret would not show up.

Fret is determined to carry out all the duties of a husband and so he approached me last night to consummate our arrangement. I told him that if he lays so much as a finger on me I will take my revenge on him while he sleeps, and I held up a knife and made a motion suggesting my intent on his person. He took the knife away but did not approach me again. He will soon discover he has no hope of that. We shared the same bed, for there was no other available, but he slept on top of the covers while I slept under them. At least I shall not catch a child from him.

We will be off to Longbourn in a few minutes.

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**His Majesty's Army, 7th Division**

**29 June, London**

Today I am a married man. I took Lydia's hand in church yesterday, though she was most unwilling, and became her husband. It is done.

Lydia has been informed of her duties as my wife, and I am certain that she will perform them to my satisfaction. Nevertheless, obtaining her consent has been only the first skirmish in what is likely to be a lengthy war.

Last night I approached our marital bed and prepared to lay down upon the top covers, with no thought of consummating our union. My wife is yet a child in many ways and even in war, to take advantage of innocents is not conduct befitting a gentleman. My bride, already under the covers, immediately brandished a knife which she had secreted upon her person and threatened me with castration. I had not the heart to tell her it was a butterknife.

Current status: The initial phase of union has been carried out; its completion shall await more favorable conditions.

Next objective: removal to Newcastle for the start of our married life.

Hindrances: I expect certain deceptions, and possible continued escape attempts

Strategies and tactics to enlist: Encirclement, Interdiction, and Preemptive Strikes


	4. Chapter 4 - Regular Operations

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**His Majesty's Army, 7th Division**

**2nd July, Hertfordshire**

**Status Report**

My wife is quiet today as we travel together to Newcastle. It is a strange condition for her. She is almost amiable.

We spent two days at Longbourn in the company of her mother and father and two sisters, Mary and Kitty, and expect to be in Newcastle late tomorrow evening, barring any unexpected obstacles.

Miss Mary and Miss Kitty are respectable girls who may grow up to be a credit to their families. As to Mrs. Bennet, two observations: one, that I am relieved to know that I have not, in fact, married the silliest woman in England. That honor belongs to Mr. Bennet. And two, defensive depth is an excellent military concept that I shall put in play at once, for my home is a full two day's march from Longbourn.

Wife still complains that her nerves are making her stomach ill. At such times I believe she is rather too much like her mother. But perhaps Mrs. Bennet is not always like that, and hopefully wife will not be either. A man must have some hope.

As we travel I speak to her of my excellent father who raised my brother and me single-handedly in the home to which we now travel. I tell her of some of the activities we children enjoyed in our home and some of the sights of the city of Newcastle. She is not much diverted by such talk, but it is likely to be her last entertainment for some time. At least she is listening. I count that as forward progress.

**July 2nd**

**Somewhere in Hertfordshire**

I have spent most of the time in this carriage thinking how to escape when I can. I am certain I will find a way soon.

We are stopped at an inn after traveling a whole day from Longbourn. My mama fussed over me while we stayed at Longbourn and showed me off to all the neighborhood. But now that I am gone, she will barely think of me at all. She is too busy with her thoughts of Jane's and Elizabeth's grand marriages. Mine is nothing to theirs.

Jane has always been the Beautiful Daughter, Elizabeth the Clever one, Mary the Most Studious, and Kitty is the Cougher. I have always been Lydia the Last, the Least, and the Loudest, and the one who should have been a boy. I thought marrying first would finally give me precedence over my sisters, but now I will not even have that chance. My mama loves me only as I make her more important.

Fret spoke to me at length today in the carriage, telling me of his childhood. His voice was so flat and uninteresting that it put me to sleep, and my head fell onto his shoulder. It is possible that Fret is only half a toad, for his voice only half croaked.

I found out Fret will be thirty years old next week. Today in the carriage, in his regimentals, he might have passed for younger.

**July 3rd**

**Kelsey Cottage, outside Newcastle**

Fret is not half a toad. He is Two Toads, and he is the Warts on them! And the Pox besides!

All this time I thought he was a soldier. How dare he turn out to be nothing but a farmer!

When we left the environs of Newcastle, with a cold rain driving down hard, we traveled for some little time into the country until finally Fret said our home was over the next rise. I knew this meant the encampment was near, and an encampment means officers! It might even mean another man to attach myself to. Perhaps _many_ men!

Instead, over the rise I saw this house. This Kelsey Cottage. This tiny dwelling he calls a home. The whole building is smaller than the first floor of Longbourn, and there is no second story. It is large enough for a toad, but not for me!

There is not a soldier in sight.

Fret says that he was a soldier until our wedding, at which time he resigned his commission in order to take up this living. How could he not tell me of this? He knows I have always wanted to be an officer's wife! He has done it just to aggravate me. I threatened to charge him with fraud. He says that my father knew all about it and it was referenced in the marriage contract. Once again I am sadly misused. I am to be nothing at all but a farmer's wife.

Even Charlotte Collins is not a farmer's wife.

It is too dark to see my new home. I refuse to light a lamp while Fret unloads the carriage. There is nothing here I wish to see.

_Madam,_

_You go too far. Kelsey Cottage is my house and I will not be locked out of it. From the time this note is slipped under the door you have two minutes to turn the lock, or else face Disciplinary Action._

_Your commanding officer and husband,_

_Jonathan Fret_

**July 4th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

The floor is not a comfortable place to sleep at all. And it is very cold when the wind and rain come in through the entry.

The door and hinges are still lying on the floor as I write this. Toad said he will make the repairs today.

I will not apologize. He should have slept in the barn.

I am wondering what to do about the bed. This house has only one bedroom, and only one bed. I will not sleep with Toad. It was necessary when we were in his room in London, and again at Longbourn and in the inns along the way but any gentleman would have two beds in his house, one for the master and one for his wife. But I think Toad means to share a bed every night!

I cannot keep him at bay forever. Men are all the same.

I wonder where the servants will sleep?

**July 5th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

There are no servants! Toad expects me to do everything myself until we have children, which I know will never happen. He says that until the children come there is work enough for only me. The very thought of children makes me ill to my stomach.

Toad has given me a Schedule which he says I am to follow strictly.

Monday – Laundry and Wash

Tuesday – Ironing and Mending

Wednesday – Baking

Thursday – Cleaning and Managing the Household Accounts

Friday – Gardening

Saturday – Reserved for completing the work not finished during the week

Sunday- A day of rest. Hah! What makes him think I will need it? For I will not do the work he has assigned to me, no matter what he says. Let him wash his own clothes and do his own baking! He is the farmer, let him do his own gardening! I did not marry in order to become a maid.

Daily schedule – Breakfast to be served at seven, noon meal at noon, tea at four, supper at seven. There will be no variance from this schedule unless permission is given ahead of time.

The Toad did not try to touch me in bed last night. He has not touched me once since taking my hand after our wedding, except to hand me in and out of the carriage. The thought of Toad touching me at all makes me ill.

**July 6th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Today is a day of rest, as the Toad would say, but I did not respect it. I spent my time unpacking my things and arranging the kitchen. It took little enough time for the kitchen is so very small. Toad watched me but he did not try to stop me. He said I will be tired enough next Sunday to be grateful for the chance to rest, and next week we will go to services.

After dinner he asked me to play draughts with him. I ignored him and climbed into bed. I will not play games with Toad. And I have never played draughts in my life.

**July 7th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Monday – Laundry Day. I was so tired and my stomach so strangely upset that I did not rise from bed when Toad did. He made me get out of bed anyways and prepared breakfast himself, for I could not abide even the smell of porridge. Then he told me to start on the laundry and showed me where the supplies were. I just looked at him. Surely he could not expect me to do this myself? He suggested that I start on the clothes that were still in my bag from the first night we arrived at Kelsey Cottage.

I completely forgot about those clothes. When I locked Toad out of the house he had already unloaded my trunk and hatbox in the house. I locked the door against him when he returned to the carriage for my valise. When he broke the door down he left my valise in the doorway, where it stayed in the cold rain all night. The clothes in there, I am sure, are ruined, for I kicked it to the side in the morning and have not opened it since. Now Toad will have to replace them all. Hah! At least that will come out of the Household Budget and not my pin money.

Toad left me to do the laundry while he went to walk his fields. I do not know why he needs to walk the fields—they are still there every day when we wake up. They do not run away during the night, do they? But mama always said there is no reasoning with a man.

I must build up a fire now in order to heat the water for the washing. I am not a total idiot, I have seen the maids do this many times, and I know that hot water is needed, but in all this writing I forgot about the fire and it went out.

How does one start a fire?

**July 8th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I am such an idiot, I cannot even start a fire. Toad came home at noon for his meal and had a good laugh at my expense. He showed me over and over again how to use the flint to create a spark but I never did see one. I think he was purposely causing me to fail. He finally started the fire for me and bade me practice with the flint, so I will eventually learn. He said soldiers in the field can use a flint when it is half dark out and in the pouring rain, and if they can do it, then so can I. I told him he should have married a soldier, since he seems to love them so much.

Today was Ironing and Mending. I did not eat breakfast for I was not hungry, and instead I set up the board and the sad-iron and went right to it. I am determined that when I leave Toad, he shall not have reason to say that it is because I could not perform my Wifely Duties. If other women can do these things, then I can too. I shall leave because I cannot stand That Man, and he will know it!

I passed the sad-iron over a pair of his trousers many times without success when I suddenly heard a strange sound. It was the Toad, laughing! And he was laughing at me! I have never heard such a sound from him before.

He told me that the sad-iron only works if it is first heated upon the stove.

I am a total idiot. But I told Toad that I have seen the maids at Longbourn do it like this many times. I do not want him to know how stupid I am. An officer's wife would never have to know these things.

I cannot imagine how much he will laugh at me when I try to mend something.

**July 9th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Today, I have baked. This is the one thing I can do that I used to do at Longbourn, for when I was little I liked to play in the kitchens. I hope That Man likes the cake, for the fire had to be re-started three times.

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Formerly of His Majesty's Army, 7****th**** Division**

**Now a Gentleman Farmer of Kelsey Cottage**

**11th July**

Status Report: Once a soldier, always a soldier. I have no desire to ever be less than a soldier, though duty compels me to take up the family living and produce an heir, and so I will continue to write as a soldier would.

The ending of the first week of our married life. Wife showed some displeasure at the prospect of being a farmer's wife. Attempted mutiny was put down.

Have kept wife busy with regular hours and responsibilities. She has taken to this with a better will than I expected; shows willingness to work in a novel situation. Today it rained all day, interrupting our scheduled day of gardening. Wife slept all day. I permitted it only because of the obvious work of cleaning she carried out yesterday. Kelsey is much improved due to her efforts.

Status of Encirclement – Complete. Wife has no access to outside world. No neighbors or towns within walking distance.

Status of Interdiction – Complete. No supplies coming through except by my hand. Correspondence from family to be surrended to her only once a week, and then only upon evidence of continued good behavior.

Pre-emptive strike – Plans are complete. I expect skirmishes at any moment; I am prepared.


	5. Chapter 5 First Shots

_**Hopefully you enjoy this chapter. I love reading your reviews almost as much as writing the story! Thank you to everyone for your comments!**_

**Chapter Five**

**July 12th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret took me outside this morning and showed me how to plant seeds for various edible plants. I protested that it is too muddy to even walk in, to say nothing of planting, but he says it is best done when the ground is well wet, for then we will not have to carry water to them when we are done. We are to have Lettuce, Beetroots, Onions, Peas, Potatoes and many Herbs, and they are all to be my responsibility. Not all of them can be planted just now, according to Fret. Perhaps he should present them with a Schedule, too.

The garden is a little behind the house, on a small rise that sits well in the light of the sun in the afternoon. Someone has worked in it before, but it is completely overgrown in the old parts and Fret says we will have to reclaim that area little by little. He says it will be much work. I rolled my eyes at him. Bending down and planting seeds, covering them with my hand, and then standing and moving to the next mound, is much work. It is more work than I have ever done before in my life. This whole week has been more work than I have ever dreamed of doing. And come Monday I will do it all again.

At least he did not make me break the sod and prepare it for the seeds. He says that is not a lady's job, and he did it while I was baking. I want to tell him, you Toad, none of this is lady's work! But he shall not have the satisfaction of hearing me complain.

We are beginning to run low on food in the larder. It was well-stocked when we arrived last week but now I can see that we shall have to get more supplies soon. Where did the food come from to begin with? Who supplied us before we arrived, and do they live close by? How are they in contact with Fret?

I am so tired I can barely hold my hand steady to write. I am glad tomorrow is a day of rest.

**July 13th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

We went to services as planned. Fret says the church is fifteen miles away, and I saw no other homes between here and there. It seems we are completely out in the country. I saw other families but they all came to the church from different directions. I have not any idea where to go when I leave Fret. The nearest house must be miles and miles away.

After services Fret introduced me to the parson and two couples, the Smiths and the Haroldsons, all as Mrs. Fret. I have not grown used to my new name yet. I refuse to do so, for I will not keep it long.

On the way home Fret gave me a letter from Elizabeth, which he says the parson passed on to him. The parson must have picked it up for him in town. Perhaps he is the one who stocked our larder before we arrived.

There is no letter from mama. Elizabeth writes that she and The Louse are on their way to India for a wedding tour. India! She might as well be going to the other side of the world.

Sometimes I wish Fret were on the other side of the world. How long does it take to get to India?

Today is the first day I have seen the approach to Kelsey Cottage in full daylight. When we first arrived, the spring light was already disappearing and I was so tired that I did not look very much. But today, driving up to the house after returning from church, I saw that the outside of the cottage is almost pretty. I had previously seen the fence around the yard and the stone pavers in front of the cottage, but today I saw that there are overgrown flowers everywhere. The weeds and flowers together grow through the fence pickets and they are as tall as my waist in some places. More weeds and flowers are growing through the cracks in the pavers and there is a bunch of Wild Lavender coming up under the two windows at the front of the house.

Someone years ago placed a small stone table and benches in the front of the house. It is hard to see with all the weeds growing up but with a very little work it might be a pleasant place to sit sometimes.

Fret asked me to play draughts with him again. He must be desperate for company if he thinks I will make a pleasant companion.

**July 15th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret and I have not spoken for a whole day.

Yesterday was Monday, which is Laundry Day on that horrid Schedule of his. There was not as much to do as I expected and this time I did not let the fire go out. Hah! I left it all out to dry on the fence outside after the noon meal and then I took a look at the fence again. The weeds and flowers were too overgrown and I decided they should be cut. Cutting flowers is another thing I have done at Longbourn many times, but where were the shears? I went into the barn for the first time, retrieved them, and attacked the plants.

It was hot work in the sun but I was so pleased by the results that I did not stop for some time, even though moisture was coming down my forehead and into my eyes. I kept hacking away, piling the cut plants up next to the stone table so I can remove them later. The yard looks much better with the weeds gone and the flowers trimmed properly. I shall have to work on the pavers next. The weeds there look even worse now that the weeds around the fence are gone.

I was working hard when Fret came home.

It was four o'clock and I had not even noticed. Nothing was prepared for tea. The Schedule says tea must be at four!

He went marching into the house without even looking at me, without saying a word about all my work on the fence and I just stood there, wondering what he would say when he saw the empty table.

I soon found out. He stuck his head out the door and asked if I was quite done yet. He asked, did I not know what time it was?

Did I not know the time? How dare he ask me such a question! Did he have no eyes in his head? He must think that I am one of those sea creatures with eight legs, to be able to do so much work outside and to prepare his afternoon repast at the same time.

I just looked at him for a second. And then I told him what he should do with his tea.

The soldiers in Meryton almost always guarded me from hearing their coarse expressions and jests. Almost.

I have never seen such a shocked expression on any man's face but I do not care. If Fret does not want me to use a soldier's words, then he should not treat me as a soldier! He did not stop me as I pushed past him into the house and threw cold mutton on a plate for his tea. I had no choice, for the fire had no burned all day. We ate mutton again for supper yesterday. And for breakfast. And once more at noon today. I hope he chokes on it!

Fret did not come home for tea today. I think he knew what he would find.

I finished my work today. The weeds have all been cleared from the pavers and the fence, all the way around the house.

When I came into the house to prepare supper, I found this note on the table. Fret must have entered while I was working behind the house.

_Dear Lydia,_

_I am sorry for my thoughtless questions yesterday afternoon and for my lack of attention to the hard work you were carrying out when I asked it. The house and yard are much improved in appearance, and I freely admit that it is solely due to your diligent efforts. _

_It appears that we both have much to learn in our new roles as huband and wife. I hope that we may learn to be patient with each other._

_Pray do not serve mutton again, for a very long time._

_Your apologetic husband,_

_Jonathan _

The note was wrapped around a small bunch of roses. I wonder where he found them, but it does not matter, for I put them to the shears too.

We have no more mutton, so I served porridge for supper instead.

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

**July 15th**

The first skirmish.

I must retreat and regroup.

**July 16th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I was violently ill to my stomach this morning and had to run to the chamber pot. I am sure all the mutton did not agree with me. It is a very good thing that Fret had already left the house. He probably would have accused me of feigning illness in order to avoid my Daily Chores.

I had a sudden thought today. What if Wickham is still in England? What if he was not transported? How do I even know for certain that he was in debtor's prison? The Louse might have lied about it. My uncle and aunt never once allowed me to set foot outside their home, not even for Elizabeth's wedding or Jane's. For all I know Wickham may have been hiding just out of sight, looking for an opportunity to retrieve me. And instead of waiting for him, I have married another man and now I work my fingers to the bone every day for this Fret, who does not care for me at all. Sweet Wickham, what have I done? Why did I not think of this before? He must still be waiting for me.

I must find a way to escape.


	6. Chapter 6 - A Prisoner's First Duty

**July 16th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret and I are speaking again but I do not think he likes it much. I certainly do not.

He said to me at breakfast that I must cease behaving like a child and I should not be ignoring him so. I was about to open my mouth and demonstrate my soldier's vocabulary again when I saw the stern warning look on his face. Instead I told him that if he wants me to act as a lady, he should not treat me as a child. Then I rose from the table and marched out the door, slamming it behind me.

I shall leave tonight. If I can take a horse after Fret falls asleep I can ride to Newcastle for all I must do is follow the road we took here. If Fret decides to follow me he will not reach Newcastle until tomorrow morning, and tomorrow will be Market Day. I can find a way to avoid his notice in all the crowds, and somehow I will find a way to town from there. He cannot keep me locked up here forever!

**July 19th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I hate Fret's horse.

Getting out of the house was not hard. Fret was tired and fell asleep quickly, and when I knew that he was not likely to awaken I left the house and made my way to the barn.

Inside the barn was a different story. I have only been in it once before and the light from my lamp was not enough to see everything I needed. I examined the four horses as well as I could and decided on the prettiest of them, so that I could look well sitting upon its back when I reach Newcastle. After looking more closely, I realized this horse was indeed the best candidate. What a joke, to take Fret's own favorite mount! Besides, the doors of the other's stalls were secured with a heavy pin that I am sure I could never move.

Once I chose the horse I had to find a saddle. I looked everywhere that I could see but there were no sidesaddles, so I had to make do with one of the men's saddles instead. I do not care if someone should see me riding so and think me unladylike, so long as I can leave this place. I placed a saddle blanket on the animal's back, led the horse from its stall and placed the saddle atop it, and then I led it outside as the groom at Longbourn used to do. I have ridden horses before enough to know how a saddle should be placed, although at Longbourn the groom always readied the horses for us. At that point I remembered the horse had no bridle, so I went back in the barn to find one.

When I came back out of the stable, the horse had gone. I thought he must have taken his chance at freedom, for who would not wish to leave Fret if they could? But I looked around the side of the barn and sure enough, there he was, eating hay from a haystack, and he did not want to leave the food to return to the mounting block. When I pulled on his halter rope he dug his feet into the ground and refused to move at all, not even an inch. So instead, with a great deal of effort, I dragged the mounting block over to where the horse stood feeding. It was almost as much work as Laundry Day.

Somehow I managed to put the bridle upon the horse's head, although I had to wipe my hands upon my skirt several times when I was done. How is it I have never known that a horse's mouth can drool so much?

At last I tightened the cinch belts around the horse's middle and climbed up on its back, with one leg over each side. I tightened the reins and urged the horse to move. It would not. It refused to take a step until I had kicked it repeatedly with my heels in its ribs. Finally it took a dozen or so slow steps and I sighed with relief.

In the next instant I felt myself sliding, along with the saddle, all the way down the horse's left side. If I had not fallen off I would have ended up riding upside down under the horse's belly. But instead I fell off at a certain point and then lay in the dirt for a moment. How did the saddle move down the horse's side so quickly? The cinch belts could not be at fault, for I had tightened them carefully.

I led the beast back to the mounting block and put the saddle back into position, tightened the cinches, and mounted again. This time I was better prepared when the saddle deposited me back on the ground.

I led that horrid animal back to the mounting block and kicked it repeatedly in the ribs. It must have held its breath when I placed the saddle the first two times, but now it did no such thing, and after placing the saddle again I climbed up and finally made my escape from Kelsey Cottage.

The horse moved well enough for perhaps ten minutes and then it stopped for the first time. After I kicked and cursed at it, it finally moved again, but it kept pausing and looking behind us, back towards the cottage. I suppose it must have missed the other horses in the stable.

We repeated this process for the next hour or so, the horse pausing and looking behind us and moving only with the greatest reluctance. I became angrier and angrier. Was there any stupider horse in all the kingdom than this sorry animal? It was too stupid even to leave Fret when it had the chance!

At length the horse would not move at all. All my urging, kicking, and yelling had no effect except to make it turn in circles and toss its head, fighting my hands on the reins. I continued to kick at the animal, wishing I had thought to bring a whip, but I would not have had a chance to use it, because the animal reared up then and dropped me on the ground, right on my backside.

The last I saw of that dreadful spawn of Satan, he was jogging back to Kelsey Cottage at high speed. I directed a few choice comments at him as he left.

I knew I could not go back to Kelsey Cottage now. Many a woman has been beaten for far less than stealing her husband's horse in the middle of the night. Or at least, trying to steal it. I dare anyone to try to take that vile creature.

I had no choice but to walk to Newcastle, quickly, before Fret had a chance to catch up with me. I stood and took but one step, straight into a hole in the uneven track. My ankle twisted and I could not rise again without great pain.

That was when I heard a sound behind me and saw Fret approaching on one of the other horses. He must have been following me the whole time, laughing at all my efforts to evade him. I cannot account for why he would bother to bring me back to Kelsey Cottage after that, for his horse had already returned on its own. But he strode towards me rapidly and scooped me up in his arms, placing me on his horse and then mounting behind me, putting his arms around me, before I could say a word.

He must have known where I was going and what I was doing. I expected angry words. I expected—well, I do not know what I expected. But he said absolutely nothing to me, not a single word. He did not even ask if I was all right. My fear mounted.

When we arrived back at Kelsey Cottage, he carried me into the house and placed me on the bed. I looked up at his face, which was only partly visible in the light of the one lamp still burning on the table, and saw that it was set in a severe expression as he looked down at me. It occurred to me that in the dim light, with his strong chin and broad shoulders outlined plainly, he might be considered rather handsome. Actually very handsome indeed. Why have I never noticed that?

I feared what he might do or say next but he only took my ankle in his hands and moved it gently from side to side, examining the injury. He said that it is not greatly hurt but that I am not to walk much for a day or so.

Then he told me sternly that his horse responds only to him, and that the animal I tried to steal would never go far from the stable without him. That is why he was the only animal whose stall I could open—he has no fear that anyone shall ever be able to steal him. When he said anyone, I saw by his look that he meant me.

That Man has known all along that I would try to leave. But why should he care if I do? Why could he not just let me go?

I do not know where he slept the rest of the night. He was not in our bed.

I still hate his horse.

**19th July **

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Status report: Escape attempt thwarted. Pre-emptive actions have proven successful.

My wife attempted to steal Major last night and run off to Newcastle. I heard Major's footsteps passing the cottage as they left and immediately saddled Sheba to follow, although I was in no serious danger of losing her. Major is so attached to me that it would take an expert horseman indeed to compel him to go far without me.

After performing reconnaissance for some few minutes, I caught sight of Lydia and Major a little distance ahead of me, Major demonstrating his typical obstinancy when another rider is upon his back. I had no great wish to stop my wife's efforts too quickly, for I have found that experience is a more stern teacher than I. A lesson learned hard, once, is better than one that must be repeated for effect. After a minute or two, Major continued on his way and I followed at a distance. It is well that Lydia never thought to look behind her, for I would have been discovered at once.

After numerous halts and continued yells and kicks, Major finally taught her the lesson I knew he would. Down went Lydia on the ground, upon her posterior, which might have made me laugh if I had not been so angry. I saw at once that she was not injured. Major immediately headed for home and I let him go, knowing he would come to no harm.

Lydia was a different matter. She can have no idea of the danger into which she placed herself, and myself as well. Besides the dangers of an unlit road, with various obstacles and unseen perils in the dark, there is always the possibility of highwaymen. They are commonly found closer to the coast than to here, but nobody should be out at night without an armed escort, particularly a defenseless young girl. I could not, in good conscience, abandon her, no matter how much she may have earned whatever might have happened to her.

Lydia promptly demonstrated one of these dangers for herself; in beginning to walk away she turned her foot in an unseen hole.

She made no protest when she saw me coming for her, nor when I put her upon my horse. I expected angry words or accusations, but for the first time, I saw fear in her eyes.

Her emotion had some basis just then. I would have as soon strangled her as rescued her, but my first priority was to secure our position. I returned her to the cottage swiftly, where I then assessed her injury. It is not serious. Having seen to her physical well being, I then reinforced the lesson she had just learned with a description of Major's temperament and my precautionary actions. I do not believe she will attempt this maneuver again.

Riding back on Sheba, holding my wife in my arms for the first time, was not unpleasant. I would it were under better circumstances.

Strategies:

Distraction - Wife responds well when challenged in a novel way. I shall provide more challenges for her benefit.

Intelligence gathering - wife has said nothing of the condition I now strongly suspect in her. Must confirm or deny as soon as possible.

_****Author's note: An alert reader asked me a question that made me go back and look at my timeline. To my horror I realized that I had entered June one time when I should have written July, and my dates ever after have been in error. Lydia and Fret married on Monday, June 28th, so we are now well into July in our story. I am making corrections now to the previous chapters. Thank you for your patience!****_


	7. Chapter 7 - Regroup

**July 20****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

We did not attend services today because of my swollen ankle but Fret said I might get up tomorrow if it looks better then. He has been helping me in whatever I need all day, which is only right, since none of this would have happened if he had not insisted on marrying me.

Fret says he is going into Newcastle tomorrow and that I ought to write a letter for him to send to my family, since I have not sent them a word since we arrived here. I really do not feel like writing anything to them since they have not written to me either, and Kitty and Mary have so much more leisure time than I do now! But there is nothing else to do while I am stuck in bed.

"_July 20__th_

_Kelsey Cottage_

_Dearest Family,_

_We arrived here in Newcastle on July 3__rd__. Everything is going splendidly. My new home is grander than anything my sisters would ever imagine, and there are no less than fifteen servants to wait on my every wish! I have my own carriage to use for shopping whenever I want, and wherever I go, my neighbors comment on the good luck I have found in marrying such a handsome man. I am in a constant round of calls and visits with our many neighbors, just as a married lady ought to be. I must close this letter in haste for we are off to a ball tonight. It is our third this week. Tell my sisters that they must come visit me as soon as ever they can, and I will stand up with them and find them both husbands! I am always_

_Your monstrously happy daughter and sister,_

_Lydia Fret"_

No. I cannot write that, for what if my sisters decide to take up my offer?

"_July 20__th_

_Kelsey Cottage_

_Dear Papa and Mama, as well as my sisters,_

_I arrived here on July 3__rd__ after Papa refused to allow me to leave my husband and stay at Longbourn. Fret's house is a miserable building hardly deserving of the name. It is so bad, even the door gave way in the storm that poured down on our first night here, and all my best dresses were ruined. I have been forced to work hours and hours each day in every menial task that Fret can devise, and I am often sick and have headaches. Our diet is so poor, we ate only mutton for two days straight. Fret barely speaks to me. Even Fret's horse hates me. I am sure now that Wickham is still waiting for me in London. You have to find a way for me to escape this horrid situation and reunite with my dearest love, or I will never speak to any of you again. I remain_

_Your resentful daughter and sister,_

_Lydia"_

I cannot send them this letter either, or papa will speak to Fret.

"July 20th

_Kelsey Cottage_

_Dear Papa, Mama, etc.,_

_We arrived here in Newcastle on July 6__th__ and I have been miserable ever since. Fret demands that I cook, clean, wash and mend his clothes, and do all sorts of work for which I have never been trained. Why did you never teach me these things, mama? I do all that I can but it is never enough, there is always more work to do, and I know that I shall never see my dear Wickham again. You might have asked more questions, papa, when Fret said that he owned a small estate. I wish you would come and take me away from this horrid place. Please write to me and tell me all the news of Meryton, and tell me when you will finish taking your anger out on me and allow me to return home._

_Yours, etc._

_Lydia"_

There. I will send that letter.

Fret will take the opportunity to restock our larder while he is in town tomorrow, using a list which I helped prepare. If my ankle were stronger I might try to go with him. As it is, he has reminded me that his horse and one other will draw a cart to town tomorrow, and that the others will be pastured at some distance from here.

"_20 July_

_Kelsey Cottage_

_To my esteemed father-in-law Mr. Bennet,_

_I take the liberty of including this letter along with the enclosed note to you from your daughter Lydia. Please allow me to express my sincere wishes for your health and happiness, and for that of your family as well._

_Lydia has had a difficult time adjusting to life at Kelsey Cottage, yet I do not think it has been any worse than you and I anticipated. She was unhappy at seeing the size of her new home, as well as the lack of any servants to wait on her. She does not appreciate our sleeping arrangements and she was especially disappointed by her supposed loss of importance in being married to a farmer. _

_Yet there have also been moments when I think she was genuinely happy, without being completely aware of it. She is pleased with herself when she learns a new skill, and she has learned a fair number of those. She takes pride in her accomplishments in the kitchen and the gardens. In short, I have found that when she is presented with a challenge to develop her talents in some way, she will generally rise to the occasion, so long as she does not think she is pleasing me too much by doing so._

_I have thwarted just one escape attempt to date, as compared to the two or three I had projected._

_I must also inform you that I cannot rule out the condition that we anticipated as a possibility at the time that we made our bargain. Indeed, it looks more and more likely every day. When I post this letter in town I will also take the opportunity to engage the services of a physician to come to Kelsey Cottage as soon as possible and confirm my suspicions. I remain_

_Yours, etc.,_

_Jonathon Fret"_

**July 21****st**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Last night when we had finished supper Fret fetched his game of draughts and asked me to play with him again. There was nothing else to do so I agreed, although I do not know the game. He beat me soundly three times. I think it is a pointless game. He should have explained the rules better ahead of time. There are times when he does not think of my comfort at all. But at least it kept me occupied until it was time for bed.

This morning at breakfast Fret reminded me that he is off to town today, and he said that he had already drawn up the water for my laundry so that I do not have to haul it as much myself. I suppose there are times when he does think of my comfort just a little. He also said that while he is in town he will engage a physician to come to Kelsey and confirm or deny my condition.

My condition? What condition?

He said it is plain to him, even if it is not to me, that I am displaying signs of being with child, and it would only be prudent to determine if it is true or not. I told him if he waits nine months the truth will be hard to ignore, for I did nothing with Wickham to cause such a state. He answered, nevertheless, and went on his way.

It is nothing to me if he wants to waste his money. I know what the physician will find.

I cannot wait for the physician to arrive so that I may prove to Fret how wrong he is.

**July 22****nd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret says the physician will be here Friday. Perhaps he will look at my ankle instead of my belly, for although my ankle is almost completely healed he ought to earn his pay for something real, not for something imaginary.

Fret brought back a good amount of supplies which I have spent much of the day organizing and arranging as I like. Kitty sent a note telling me about her recent purchases in Meryton, and Mary added a short note telling me to take care to listen well to the parson in my new parish, for she has heard that he is a superior minister of the Gospel. Neither of them asked a single question about me.

Fret brought me a new pair of shoes he says will do well for working outside, better than what I have now, and he also gave me a new shawl that is in a shade of blue that, he says, made him think of my eyes. He has a new pair of dark trousers which looked well upon him this morning as he set out for the fields. I hope they do not get dirty quickly. He can really be quite attractive sometimes, although I still think he is a toad.

I wonder what work he does outside all day long every day while I work in the house. Why have I never thought to ask him about it before?

**July 24****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I remember everything about my time with Wickham.

It was the second week in May when I was walking with Kitty on my way back from Meryton and felt something hit my skirt. A small pebble fell to the ground and I looked around in confusion. Another pebble struck me and I looked around even more. Wickham's head appeared around a tree. I was about to call to him when he put a finger on his lips, warning me to be silent. Kitty had not observed him and when she asked me what the matter was I told her I thought I heard thunder.

I returned to that spot the next day and found a note to me from Wickham. I do not remember all of the note now but it said that he was hiding in the Minker's barn and would I please bring him some food? And it said that I was more handsome than ever and that he had thought only of me since he left Meryton.

I was eager to see him but I could not steal away until the next afternoon when Kitty and Mary lay down for a nap. When I first stepped into the Minker's barn with my bundle of food my eyes were still adjusting to the dim light when I heard him step behind me. I had only begun to turn to face him when he put his arms around me and kissed me repeatedly, whispering my name over and over again. It was heavenly to be so wanted and cared for and I kissed him back as much as I could.

When we separated he took the bundle of food from me, and we sat in the hay and talked while he ate every bite of it. He told me that after my father spoke to Colonel Forster about him, he was made to understand that his presence in the militia was no longer welcome, and so he had left. With nowhere else to go he had returned to the last place where he had felt truly at ease, and that was here in Meryton, where he could see my sweet face every day. He needed help, he said, while he tried to decide his next course of action. Would I not help him?

Of course I would. I promised to visit him as often as I could and to bring him as much food as he desired, for I am a great favorite in the kitchens and taking food from there would be nothing at all. I would do anything I could to make up for the awful things that my father had told Colonel Forster about him, repeating what The Louse had told him.

I felt terrible to leave Wickham after so little time together. He was so lonely and so sweet, so desperate for my company, but I could not stay away longer without causing suspicion. He kissed my hands and then my face repeatedly, begging me to come back as soon as I could, and I promised that I would.

The next time I could get away, two days later, he was waiting for me as I entered the doorway and kissed me immediately, before I had a chance to say a word. He kissed me so I could barely even breathe, I could not even think about breathing. I could think of nothing but him. We moved further into the barn and he continued kissing me. He led me to the back of the barn, where he had spread blankets out to make a kind of bed, and it was then that we lay together for the first time. It was May 14th. A woman does not forget a date of that importance. Or perhaps it was the 15th, but no matter. I had never ever felt so cared for, so important to the happiness of another person, as if nothing mattered to him but me.

When we were finished, I told him that I could not catch a child, that it would ruin my life, and he assured me that it never happens the first time a woman lies with a man. He was so sweet and so comforting that I knew it was the truth. After this, he said, we would take precautions, and nothing we would do would result in a baby. Only stupid girls do not prevent babies from coming, and he said I was not stupid.

I saw him frequently for the next week or so while we made our plans to escape to town together. He said if I could just bring him enough money, we could get by in town for a little while, and then when my father discovered us he would have to insist that we marry. I knew he was right. No lady can live with a gentleman for any time and not marry him, or else her father will force them to marry. It is how things are done.

But we were always careful not to catch a child. Wickham said it was a matter of positions, that we could do it in any way we liked so long as he was not on top during the act. That is how animals procreate, he said, and so long as we did it differently then there was no danger to me at all. Not many parents tell their daughters how to avoid this, he said, for to them just performing the act is as bad as becoming with child. But he would never allow that to happen to me. And since we were going to be married it hardly mattered if it did happen, but we were careful anyway.

Tomorrow Fret will find out the truth.

**July 25****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Dr. Arnold the physician came today to see me. I wish I had never laid eyes on him.

He said that Fret had asked him to come and visit me to see if he could confirm a pregnancy or deny it and so he must start with the most obvious questions. Had I lain with a man and had I experienced my usual courses? Fret was standing nearby but he cleared his throat and walked away so he could pretend not to listen. I said that I had done nothing that would create a child but that I could not remember my last courses. It was certainly while I was still at Longbourn so it must have been in April or May. Dr. Arnold said he would need to examine me and so I would need to undress. Fret turned so red, I could see it on the back of his neck even from across the room, and he left the cottage quickly.

When it was over Dr. Arnold told me that I am undoubtedly with child.

**25 July**

**Kelsey Cottage**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

It is a strange feeling to be expecting a child with a woman who is my wife only in name.

Status report: Wife to be delivered of a child sometime in February.

Plan of operation: _?


	8. Chapter 8 - Break In Action

**July 26th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

The physician might be wrong. Doctors often are.

Even if he is right and I am with child, it does not mean that Wickham does not love me. He only told me what he believes is true. He would never want to hurt me.

**July 27****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I was not well this morning. I felt greatly fatigued and my stomach would not abide even the smell of food. I wanted to stay home but Fret would not allow it. He says it is important that we attend services and be sociable. I care nothing about being sociable. I fell asleep on his shoulder as we drove home, and Fret made me go to bed and sleep the rest of the afternoon.

After dinner he wants me to play draughts again. He seems determined to keep me occupied at all times unless I am asleep.

**July 28****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret told me that we have been married for one month today. Perhaps he feels like celebrating but I do not.

He also gave me a list of Instructions to follow for the health and wellbeing of myself and the baby, which he says Dr. Arnold said to him. Must that man have a list for everything? I am to

Eat hearty portions of sturdy and nourishing foods such as potatoes and porridge.

Take regular exercise with gentle strolls in fresh air, but not enough to cause upset or fatigue. I am to avoid night air.

Give my mind over to uplifting and cheerful subjects so as not to disturb the growing child.

I believe Fret sees that I get enough exercise already with my Daily Chores. My uplifting and cheerful subject shall be how Wickham looks when he is wearing a red coat.

**July 29****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

George Wickham is the most wicked man ever to walk in England. May he catch the Plague and the Pox at the same time and break out with Warts all over his face.

At breakfast this morning Fret asked if I would not write to my family and tell them of the coming child. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I told him that it is not certain that I am with child and if it turns out to be true, then I will write my family and inform them when I want to. I said I did not want them to be angry with Wickham without a good reason.

Fret looked at me as though I had grown another head. He asked me what I meant, and I told him that even if I am with child, it is not Wickham's fault. He had no more idea of what would cause a child than I did. I told him that Wickham still loves me and that one day I will find a way to be with him again.

I did not expect Fret to react the way he did. He suddenly stood and paced across the room with his fists tightly clenched. When he came towards me again he asked what that man had told me about how to create a baby but I could not speak. Fret was scaring me, though I could not admit that to him. He looked at me with the angriest eyes I have ever seen. Then he went to his wardrobe, reached into a pocket somewhere, and withdrew a letter which he threw on the table in front of me. He said that it was time someone forced me to see the truth about that depraved man whom I thought so much of. He said he would not move until I had read it out loud to him.

My mouth was dry but I did not dare disobey, he was in such a temper. The letter was folded and creased; it must have been in his pocket for weeks. I read it out loud to Fret.

"_Darcy,_

_When we met so unexpectedly at Netherfield last month, your attentions to Miss Bennet gave me pause. I have never seen your preference for one lady made so markedly, or at least it seemed markedly to me, for I am familiar with your disposition. Am I correct in thinking that you have developed a tendre for the lovely Miss Elizabeth? It hardly matters now, for if I am not to have a living, then you shall not have her. _

_You took Georgiana away from me, and destroyed my reputation with Miss Elizabeth. Your words to Mr. Bennet, repeated to Colonel Forster, have likewise ruined any prospects for me in the militia, and you have already damaged my future in the church. I now take my revenge upon you in the only way I can. Lydia is ruined. When I am done with her, no other man shall have her, and the disgrace will make it impossible for you to join yourself with the Bennet family, if that was indeed your hope. But if you truly had no designs upon Miss Bennet, then my revenge falls only upon Mr. Bennet, and that motive, combined with Lydia's willing charms, is more than enough for me. You will still have enough guilt over the situation to satisfy my desires._

_If you care to retrieve her, you may find Lydia in the care of our old friend Mrs. Younge, at her boardinghouse in town. You shall not find me._

_George Wickham"_

When I had finished reading, I could not move, I could not breathe, I could not look at Fret. I could only stare at the page in my hand and read Wickham's signature over and over again. It was his signature and these were his words, and I felt as if cold water had been dumped on my head.

Everything I ever thought about George Wickham was a lie. He did nothing but lie from beginning to end.

**July 30th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Fret is not speaking to me. He has said nothing to me since yesterday morning when he forced me to read that awful letter out loud. I suppose he is angry with me but I do not know why. There is no reason for him to have such anger when I am the one who was wronged. I did the laundry yesterday and the ironing today, and I even tried to mend a ripped seam in the arm of one of his jackets. I do not care if he never speaks to me again.

The jacket seam came out hideously. Fret can mend it himself if he has a mind to.

He can never know that I wept all yesterday afternoon. I will never allow myself to weep in front of him.

**August 1****st**

**Kelsey Cottage**

At the noon meal today I demanded that Fret tell me why he is not speaking to me. What have I done to him that is so terrible that he would be as silent as a monk around me? We weeded the garden the whole morning and the whole time we worked the silence was like a tomb.

He asked me if I truly wanted to know and I said that I did, or why would I have asked?

He told me that it takes a great deal of nerve for a woman to tell her own husband to his face that she prefers the company of another man, and a man who is a total rake on top of that. He said that if that is how I feel about George Wickham, even after his treachery, then I may as well go to him now, or any other worthless man, and I will deserve everything I get.

Nobody has ever spoken to me like that before. At home nobody ever speaks to me on serious subjects except for Mary, and she hardly counts. Perhaps the others did but they never made me listen to them. I was so astonished that for a moment I could not answer, and I realized: I do not care about Wickham any more. I would not go to him even if I could. I gave him up when I read his note.

I told Fret that I have changed my mind and I hope Wickham drowns before he ever reaches America, for he deserves no less than a Horrible Fate. Wickham is a Rat and a Maggot and I shall never think on him again.

Fret asked if I meant that and I told him, every word. I told him that if I ever lay eyes on Wickham again he will learn how Lydia Bennet treats Vermin like him. Jonathon smiled as if he were well satisfied. He put his hand on top of my hand on the table and said, not Lydia Bennet. Your name is Lydia Fret. He is right. My name is Lydia Fret, and I am married to a man who has the very bluest eyes I have ever seen. He is so very handsome that I could not help smiling back at him. I have never smiled at him before except for the time I tried to trick him in London.

I cannot wait to tell my family about the child. I will be the first of my sisters to have a baby!

**August 2****nd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon saw my letter to my family and said I must re-do it. He said having a child under my circumstances is not a thing to brag about and I should be ashamed of myself for wishing to go before my sisters.

I did not think my letter was so very bad:

_Dear Papa, Mama, etc._

_You are all to congratulate me, for although I was not the first of my sisters to marry I will be the first to add to the family! If Dr. Arnold is right you may expect to hear of a new little Bennet, I mean a new little Fret, sometime in February. And to think I have only been married for one month! Pray tell all the neighborhood that your daughter Lydia Fret is to be a mother. And pray tell Hill to send me the green bonnet that I think I must have left under my bed, if Kitty has not taken it._

_Your joyful daughter and sister,_

_Lydia Fret_

Fret can be just like Mary sometimes. Nothing matters but that we were married before the child is born. But he says he will not send the letter until I demonstrate proper decorum. I cannot imagine what he means.

Last night we played draughts again, and I laughed and laughed when I won for the first time. Jonathon says he will have to devise a new challenge for me.

**August 4****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon asked me today about my history with Wickham. He said that as my husband it is his right to know what I understand about the marriage bed and how did I not know that I could get with child?

I told him I am not such a simpleton as all that. Of course I know what the marriage act is, and I knew it before that Maggot came along. But we took Precautions, and I still do not understand exactly what happened. He asked me what precautions and I told him what Wickham told me.

Jonathon shook his head and said that he is very sorry that I have had to learn the truth of it all in such a hurtful way. He said that none of what Wickham told me was true, and that many times young men will try to trick young ladies by telling them such lies. I am neither the first nor the last to believe them, he said. That is not possible, I said. No woman in her right mind would let herself be fooled in such a way. He only smiled and said, no, they certainly would not. Did he mean to say that I am not in my right mind? Vexing, vexing man!

It is strange that I can speak so easily with Jonathon on such a topic. It seems strange that I can talk to him at all.

I am very happy now that Maggot was flogged before he was put on a boat to America.

Last night when we went to bed Jonathon told me good night and kissed me on the cheek like any proper husband would do. I did not know what a proper wife would do back, so I did nothing.

**August 5****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon has informed me that we are to go to town this Saturday, and he will give me some of my pin money to spend there. But he says I am to finish my letter to my family first. I have tried and tried for otherwise I will not be allowed to spend a twopence. I hope this is good enough.

_Dear Papa, Mama, etc._

_Mr. Fret and I hope that you are all in good health and that all is well with you. _

_I am to tell you that Mr. Fret and I expect the addition of a new little olive branch to our family tree sometime after the New Year. Mr. Fret says my health is as good as can be expected under the circumstances. He also says that we hope that we will be able to raise this child in a way that will do credit to your careful upbringing of me and my sisters. I hope you realize that if you had taken care to teach me better about having children, I might not have ended up in this position._

_Mr. Fret says to please accept our best wishes for your continued health and happiness. _

_Sincerely yours, etc., etc.,_

_Mrs. Lydia Fret_

Jonathon says that I am to copy it all over again, leaving out the last sentence of the paragraph, and then he will take care to post it.

**5****th**** August**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Wife continues to make progress. She expressed a willingness to continue to trust Wickham and his ilk in the future and I was forced to an ungentlemanly display of anger in order to gain her attention and force a change of opinion. Tactic successful. My anger was not all for show, for my wife's lack of proper behavior can sometimes be rather shocking.

Status update: After nearly five weeks of marriage, wife's skills in Cleaning- superior. Cooking and Baking– average. Ironing and Mending – Below Average. Correspondence – Deficient.

I find that wife is unexpectedly charming when she smiles. For now I dare not give her more than the affection of a brother.

Operation Enfant: Fatigue has eased somewhat; physician has said wife's continued morning illness is likely to improve in upcoming weeks. Physician asked me my intentions towards wife and child as my lack of paternity is obvious. I told him there will be no change in my wife's status. The coming child will be my child, with all the advantages I can give him, and I am determined he will know nothing but love from me. I believe my Amy would be pleased.

Continued Tactics and Strategies: Diversionary tactics. Also Ambush and Skirmish as needed.

_**Author's Note: Thank you to all for your continued kind responses and comments. They are truly what keep me motivated to write, so I hope you leave lots of them! As summer comes to an end my schedule will be changing and my posts will probably not be as frequent, but I will do my best with it. Thank you for bearing with a developing story!**_


	9. Chapter 9 - Reste

_**From this point on I will include the day of the week as well as the date of each journal entry. It makes things easier to follow.**_

_**Thank you again for all your continued comments and feedback. Your response to this story continues to overwhelm me. **__** Please forgive any errors in calculating currency that I have made in this chapter-I find the old English currency very confusing!**_

**6****th**** August**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I enter now my memories of Amy Pierce Robeson, so that I may not forget in the years to come. At least I will try to enter them, for words cannot adequately describe what she was to me.

Amy Pierce of Eastley – two years my junior, the daughter of a baronet of some three thousand pounds. Two brothers and one sister, all older. Flaxen hair and cerulean eyes, with a pleasing figure. I first saw her in Newcastle and had the audacity to request an introduction. Gentle, caring, not given to much speech but delighting in laughter at all things. Altogether too trusting for her own good.

Married to Hughbert Robeson some eight years since, and passed from this life shortly thereafter. No children.

When the end came and she knew her fate was upon her, did she think of me at all, or only of her husband?

**August 9****th**

**Newcastle**

**Inn of the Red Robin**

Fret says I have pin money of twenty five pounds per annum, which works out to two pounds, one shilling and eight pence each month, not the three or more pounds each month which I had previously thought. If there are twenty shillings to a pound and twelve pence to a shilling, how much shall I be able to buy?

I want a white silk dress, which will cost at least one pound and eight shillings. A plain white dress is five shillings, but I do not want a plain white dress. Fret says that the choice is mine, but that he will not advance me any money to replace the dresses that were ruined the first night we stayed in Kelsey Cottage. He says that was due to my negligence, and so it will not come from the Household Budget. And anyway white silk is not very practical for a farmer's wife. I made a face at him when he told me this but I waited until his back was turned.

All of this is very troublesome. I wish Fret would pay on account, like papa did at Longbourn. There, when we wished to buy something, we went into the shop, picked it out, and it was placed on our account for papa to pay later. But Fret says he wishes to keep no accounts as it makes overspending too easy. He will give me my money each time we come to town and I may spend as I wish or save it for something larger. I have never saved in my life. I do not think mama ever believed in such a thing.

My head is hurting from all this figuring. I do wish I had paid more attention to learning how to do it.

I can purchase cotton at one shilling per yard but then I will have to pay a modiste to make it up into a dress, and that will be very dear if I also buy new stockings and slippers. Or I can sew it myself. Fret did say that he will purchase pattern books for me to use for sewing if I wish, from the Household Budget. That is certain to be a waste of money for I have no skills with a needle, but if I learned how to start a fire then I can learn how to sew.

In the end I made no purchases, for I have another purpose in mind. Fret purchased more than enough food to replace everything in the larder, and various other household supplies. I went with him to every shop and had a grand time seeing everything on display and seeing all the people here. It seems that Fret's family is well known here. All the shopkeepers greeted him with courtesy and gave their sympathies on the death of his brother. I forgot all about the fact that he had a brother, but I know that is how he inherited this farm. I do not even know when he died. I suppose I shall have to ask or Fret will never think to tell me.

We stayed so long in town that Fret said we should stay here tonight and travel home on the morrow. I do not mind at all, for Newcastle is a lively place. There are fashionable ladies everywhere and even men in uniform! These men are not soldiers, but sailors, because of all the shipbuilding hereabouts. But that does not matter. Any man in a uniform is a very handsome thing.

**Tuesday, August 12****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I made it further this time before Fret caught me. I decided this time to leave during the day, when I might travel more quickly and perhaps make the acquaintance of one of the sailors I saw on Saturday. I took the horse Fret had left pastured behind the cottage and it obeyed me well enough, and I had saved my pin money. I had just passed the third mile marker to Newcastle, about seven miles from here, when Fret reached me and made me turn around. If I had bothered to look in the ground behind me, I would have seen that the horse's prints in the mud announced where I was going as plainly as if I had left a note.

When we arrived back at Kelsey, after he stabled the horses, Fret sat me down for a Serious Talk. He said that he cannot continue to have to chase me down and retrieve me when I run away. He asked me to tell him why I am so unhappy so that he may try to fix whatever the matter may be.

I told him that I am lonely and bored here at Kelsey. There is always work to do and no variation in the days. Always the same old breakfast, noon meal, tea and supper and those everlasting Daily Chores, and nothing else to look forward to day after day. And I have had very little news of home.

Fret told me that he will see what he can do to liven my days just a little. But he also told me that this is now my life, that regular responsibilities are a part of it and will be so even more after the child is born, and there is no shirking responsibility. He said that running away will only multiply my problems, not get rid of them.

I must say that I hate the very word Responsibility. But Fret was so very kind. He really could have been horrid to me after having to retrieve me twice! I promised him that I will make no more escape attempts for the present, until he has had a chance to act on my request.

**12****th**** August**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Status report: Another escape attempt. After my wife's behavior in Newcastle I anticipated this attempt as well, though I thought she would take her flight first thing in the morning, not wait until after noon. Tuesday was the logical day to expect the attempt, as it rained all day Monday. I used the extra time this morning to mend fencing in the southernmost field.

Wife spoke of tedium and boredom driving her desire to escape. I have been remiss in my duty not to realize this sooner. A soldier thrives on order, routine, and repetition. Drills, more drills, patrols and routine are the major part of our day. But we also build a camaraderie that breaks the tedium. Rote drills become less tiresome when shared with a friend.

My wife is not a soldier. She is but a child. No, not a child. She is a young woman thrust into a marriage with a man she did not choose, betrayed by the man she trusted, and soon to become a mother. It is not surprising that she would choose to run away.

Today marks the first day she has spoken to me of her feelings on any subject.

Although Lydia has thrived under the regular routine established here at Kelsey, I must provide her with something more.

Strategy: Reinforcements

**Friday, August 15****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Today Jonathon returned rather earlier than usual for tea. I was washing out cups when he opened the front door and asked me to join him, but he had me come only to the threshold and then told me to close my eyes and hold my hands out, that he had a surprise for me. I opened them when I felt something warm and furry and wriggling all over. I have never had a puppy before. I asked what she is called but Jonathon says he has not thought of a name for her yet. She is black all over with soft, curly hair, and she likes to lick my face entirely too much, but I cannot scold her, only giggle when she does it. When I pet her she goes on her back as if she is begging me to rub her belly, and she already follows me closely wherever I go in the house. Jonathon says she will be good company for me during the day, and I can train her to do tricks if I wish. She will not grow much larger than she is now.

Puppy is lying on top of my feet as I write this. I wish I could draw a picture of her.

**Monday, August 18****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I have had a visitor today!

Mrs. Rebecca Spade, the parson's wife, came to call on me in the early afternoon. She brought a large cake and apologized for not having been to visit me earlier. I was glad she caught me after I had already washed up from working in the garden. I served her tea as any properly married lady would and remembered to ask after her family, just as I have seen mama do in the past. She has three young children, two boys and a girl.

She complimented me on the necklace I was wearing, the one Jonathon gave me before we were married. I have started to wear it lately for there is no use in having it get dusty in a drawer. She also said that the house and yard are much improved from their previous occupants. I wonder who they were and how she knew them.

Mrs. Spade asked if there was any way in which she can help me, for she said I am carrying the full weight of keeping house and being a newlywed and although Jonathon no doubt helps all he can, still it is a heavy burden, especially for one so young. She said I must be quite spirited to take on such a daunting task and do it so ably. I think that is the first time I have ever heard anyone in my life tell me that I have done well at a difficult task. Mrs. Spade is a very well-bred woman and if Jonathon allows me, I shall return her call and take tea at the parsonage. At least I know where the parsonage is.

Before she left, Mrs. Spade asked if she could read a passage from the Holy Scriptures with me, and before I could even answer she read to me from the Book of Psalms, Chapter 121.

"_I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help? My help cometh from the __Lord__, which made heaven and earth.__He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep."_

I told Mrs. Spade that I will definitely lift up my eyes to the hills for help, or to the valley or the sea or anywhere else it might come from. I cannot be picky.

I felt the baby move today.


	10. Chapter 10 - Maneuvers

**Friday, August 22****nd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I returned Mrs. Spade's call today. It was too far for me to walk to the parsonage and anyway I do not think Jonathon would trust me to go by myself and come back, so he took me in the carriage at two and promised to return at four. I thought that was rather long for a polite social call but Mrs. Spade said that would be quite all right.

When I first arrived Mrs. Spade had me sit with her in the parlor and she asked me all about my family and Hertfordshire and every subject that I brought up. She seemed very interested especially in Jane's and Elizabeth's weddings, but I could not tell her about those for I was not at them. She looked rather shocked when I called Elizabeth's husband the Louse. I suppose I will have to start calling him Mr. Darcy now since it turns out he was completely right about the Maggot. But I do wish someone had tried to warn me away from Wickham more ahead of time.

Then she looked at me very seriously and asked me if I am really all right and how are things really going? I suppose Jonathon has told her horrible stories about me. But I told her that being married is much easier than my mama had told me to expect and I believe I am managing just fine. I shall never tell her about my struggles with Laundry and Sewing. I do not want her to think I am just a girl who cannot keep house.

After awhile Mrs. Spade's children awoke and came into the parlor along with their nurse. Mrs. Spade said we should walk outside a little so that the children could run about and I quite agreed, for they are noisy creatures. When my child is born I shall teach it to be quiet and properly behaved at all times. We walked from the parsonage to the church and a little past it, just past the graveyard, and turned around to come back when I saw Jonathon's carriage arrive for me.

He pulled the carriage up even with us and got out and greeted Mrs. Spade and we all had a very civil conversation for a few minutes. Mrs. Spade told him that we are invited to dinner at the parsonage a week from today and he said we will certainly come. While we stood talking I saw that Jonathon's attention had suddenly fixed on something just behind me. His face changed expression and he seemed to tense, but then he told me it was time to leave and handed me into the carriage. I looked at where he had stared but saw nothing of interest, just the graveyard. I cannot imagine what would be interesting in a graveyard.

I asked Jonathon to please take me on more carriage rides in the future, and bring Puppy with us. He said he would be delighted to escort such a charming lady, provided the weather remains fair.

Did he really mean to call me charming or was he just making empty talk, as the Maggot used to? I shall wonder that half the night.

**Saturday, August 23****rd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

A letter from mama at last!

_My dearest Lydia,_

_You are such a clever girl to get yourself with child so quickly. Now that you are with child you have every reason to separate from your husband in the marital bed, and you need not return until after the babe is born. Husbands can be demanding creatures unless they believe they will receive a return on their investment! Be sure to please your Mr. Fret in every way you can and perhaps he will increase your pin money. He is such a delightful man! So handsome in every way! Three daughters married! Jane on the continent, Lizzy in India, and you there in Newcastle! I believe I grow more distracted every day. Pray come and visit us in the new year so that we may show our grandson to the neighborhood._

_Your loving mother,_

_Mrs. Fanny Bennet_

If only mama knew the state of my marital bed, I believe she would envy me. I have all the conveniences of a husband and little of the drudgery, for Jonathon does not impose himself on me in any way. His only assertion of marital rights is to kiss me on the cheek each evening when we go to bed, which I find I can tolerate quite well. He has never shown any other physical affection.

Does he find me so repulsive?

**Saturday, 23****rd**** August**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Status Report: My wife improves every day.

Disposition – When her temper is under good regulation she delights in all she sees and is eager to please those around her. She is determined to meet any challenge given her.

Mind – Though uneducated, she is lively and ready to learn. There are times when I think she has a readier wit than I.

Her Person – Most Lovely Indeed. A light figure, improved by regular exercise; pleasing eyes and smile; lustrous hair and lips—but I must stop there, for the affection that must precede a physical union is not yet present in her. It need not be overwhelming passion; respect and affection will be enough.

**Sunday, August 24****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I cannot believe that Jonathon is so completely averse to me. At home I am considered very pretty, so long as Jane is not around, and I was a great favorite with all the officers. Why does Fret never show me any of the same attentions?

When we separated last night in order to prepare for bed I took special care with my toilet. I brushed my hair many times more than mama usually requires me to do, and I put on my prettiest gown, the one that is cream with small crimson flowers. Then I added a small ribbon in my hair and put on the necklace he gave me, and I doused myself thoroughly with rosewater. I was much later than usual in joining Jonathon but I knew he would react strongly when he saw me.

It did not work. He was already snoring, on top of the covers, when finally got in bed. I will have to try again tonight.

**Monday, August 25****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon still did not notice me. He was reading a book when I lay down on the bed next to him and when he felt me get in, he put down the book and blew out the candle without looking at me. Then he kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight as usual.

**Tuesday, August 26****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Last night I prepared myself again and got in bed before he did. When Jonathon made to join me he started to lie down on top of the covers but I told him that the weather is starting to turn cold and would he not like to be under the covers? He said that he has slept in many worse places when he was still in the militia, and he is quite comfortable where he is. Then he blew out the candle, kissed me on the cheek, and lay down on the covers again. I lay awake for a few minutes but when I heard him snoring, I called Puppy into the bed.

This morning he asked if I could please stop wearing quite so much of whatever perfume I wear at night, as he is sneezing too much.

Jonathon Fret is the most odious man in all of England. I cannot believe I am married to such a toad.

**Tuesday, 26****th**** August**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Wife seems determined to breach my defenses. Employing evasive maneuvers.

**Saturday, August 30****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

We attended a dinner at the parsonage last night. We were not the only guests. Besides the Spades and us there were also a Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Blythe, a Mr. and Mrs. Edmond Lott, and a Mrs. Janet Moore. The Blythes and Lotts live in houses not too far from the parsonage, and Mrs. Moore is a widow, probably a few years older than Jonathon. I think she lives closer to Newcastle.

It seems strange to be included in a party of gentlemen and their ladies. Jonathon is only a farmer, and I am just a farmer's wife. I suppose the Spades think they are acting charitably towards us.

I caught Mrs. Blythe and Mrs. Lott talking about me when they thought I was not aware. I had stepped into the parlor to look at a painting Mrs. Spade had pointed out, and when I walked towards the drawing room I came up behind the other two while they talked behind their fans. Mrs. Lott said that Fret might have done better than to marry one who is half a child, and Mrs. Blythe answered that she never thought he would want to marry after what happened with Amy. They stopped talking when they realized I had approached. I made sure to step on the back of Mrs. Lott's gown later. I am sure the material ripped quite through, and not just at the seam.

On the way back to Kelsey I asked Jonathon who Amy was. He told me I should not ask questions about things that do not concern me and then he would not say another word the whole way home.

I shall have to ask Mrs. Spade about Amy.

**Wednesday, September 3****rd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon has been teaching me to play chess. He says that draughts has become too easy for me, but chess should prove very educational. When I asked him what he meant he said that playing chess is much like waging war, and both require that a person anticipate another person's next moves. To succeed one must learn to see from different points of view and anticipate the consequences of one's actions far in advance. Draughts teaches these things too, but not so well as chess does. He says I had to learn the simpler game first in order to be able to play a game that is more complex. As always, Jonathon has a Plan.

All I know is that he beats me every time. But I shall continue until I can win against him at least once.

**Thursday, September 4****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

When I visited Mrs. Spade, I mean Rebecca, today, she was embroidering the smallest sleeping gown that I have ever seen, and when she saw me looking at it she confessed that she is expecting a child! Naturally I told her that I am also with child and we found that we are both due in February. Neither of us is showing yet although I have noticed a few changes in myself. Rebecca asked how my preparations are coming and I asked what preparations.

Good Lord! I am having a baby in February and I have not sewn a single thing! This child shall be quite naked if I do not start right away! Rebecca said she will help me with the patterns and such, which is a good thing for otherwise I should be quite lost. Now I shall have to learn how to sew in earnest.

**Saturday, September 6th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon took me to town today and we spent no little time picking out materials and notions for the baby. It seems there is a great deal of work ahead of me. I have never been much interested in babies, they are such noisy and smelly little things but the more I think on them now the more curious I am to know what my baby will be like. Will he look like me or like his father? The poor thing, I should not wish any child to look like a Maggot.

I also spent some of my pin money for the first time and purchased a lovely blue gown with white embroidery around the bottom of the skirt, and a matching pair of slippers. They are for a ball being held in Newtown in three weeks, to which Jonathon said he had received an invitation. I do so love balls, and this shall be the first we will attend together. I am quite mad to meet all the other families in the neighborhood.

**Sunday, September 7****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Rebecca will not tell me anything about Amy except that Jonathon once loved her and she is dead. She says anything more than that should come from my husband. Perhaps my questions were not appropriate to be asked on a Sunday after services. Did my Jonathon have a lover at one time? I can scarcely imagine anything less likely, but if what Rebecca says is true, then there may be people at the ball who will tell me more about her.


	11. Chapter 11 - Progress Report

**_Author's note: I continue to be OVERWHELMED by your responses to this story! Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and support! I look forward to reading your comments once again._ **

**Wednesday, September 10****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

It has been raining monstrously for three days and been abominably windy as well. Poor Puppy has had a miserable time of it when she goes outside with Jonathon, and so she sometimes refuses to go at all and Jonathon must carry her out. She always runs straight back in the door to me and then I have to dry her off so that she does not become sick. Jonathon is only going out to do the chores; he cannot work in the fields or anywhere else while this goes on.

Will this rain never end?

**Thursday September 11****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

The rain started to slack off today and Jonathon went out to walk the fields. I do not know why, for we both know what he will find. No crops could possibly survive the flood we have just had. All of my hard work in the garden, and Jonathon's too, has gone to waste. All night long a constant drip from the leaks in our roof kept me awake. Jonathon says he will repair them when the weather allows.

At least I have been able to sew baby items. So far I have made two little gowns, very simple, with small designs on each one. Blankets will not be difficult to sew; making them pretty will be quite impossible for me.

**Friday September 12****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon is sick. He went into the fields for a long while yesterday and when he came home he was soaked through, and cold and dirty as well. He said he had worked at restoring a fence that had been partly washed out. I heated water for him and left him alone so he could bathe, and then he went to bed. He has barely woken since then, and he has a dreadful cough.

I do not know what to do. I cannot care for everything myself and I do not dare leave Jonathon alone long enough to go to the parsonage for help.

**Saturday September 13****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I fed the animals in the barn as best I could yesterday, after the rain had stopped, and then I took care of Jonathon the rest of the day. His cough has become worse and he has a fever. He smiles at me when he is awake and I bring him food, but he does not say much, just eats a little and goes back to sleep.

Rebecca sent a servant to inquire about our well-being after the storm. I am glad she did for I had no other way to get help. The servant returned late in the day with a basket of various healing Herbs and Potions and a promise that Dr. Arnold will be here tomorrow, Lord's Day or no. There are many sick in the neighborhood.

**Sunday September 14****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Dr. Arnold says that Jonathon's illness has nothing to do with the rain, it is simply an illness going around the neighborhood. He says that Jonathon will recover in a few days for he is young and healthy but others in the area, especially the elderly, may not be as fortunate. He gave me a recipe for a soup he says will do much good but said the best thing I can do is to let him sleep, that his own body will fight this off. He did not think it necessary to bleed him at all, which is lucky for me. I cannot abide even the thought of leeches.

Jonathon told me I should go stay with the Spades, who have no illness, until he is better so that I do not catch anything. I told him, if being exposed to you would make me ill then the damage is done already, you ninny, and he laughed weakly and then went into a coughing fit again. Men can be very silly sometimes. Dr. Arnold told him that even if I were to catch it there is no danger to the baby.

Jonathon asked Dr. Arnold for a report on the families affected by the illness. Dr. Arnold recited a list of a dozen or so names. I had no idea there are so many homes in this area. They must be in a different direction than the parsonage. Why have we not met with any of them?

**Monday September 15****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

The weather outside has been so gloriously sunny and warm, it is hard to remember all the rain last week. Rebecca has been sending a servant to tend to Jonathon's chores each day, for which I am grateful. There was a mountain of laundry to do today because of Jonathon being so ill. He still has his cough but he is sitting up more and not sleeping as much.

**Tuesday, 16****th**** September**

**Kelsey Cottage**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

My weakness may make this entry somewhat short.

Illness continues to ravage our house. I am recovering well but now wife has taken sick. I ought to have made her go to the Spades.

It is good that my man Jenkins has been coming to help each day. Neither Lydia nor I could have retrieved the laundry left to dry outside yesterday, and I would be sore put to perform the Household Chores Lydia normally carries out. Fortunately there is plenty of food and Jenkins pumps water for us daily. Still, Kelsey is not the clean, orderly residence that my wife normally keeps.

We received word that the ball scheduled for the 27th of this month has been delayed to 4th October on account of the general illness.

Lydia slept most of the day.

**Wednesday, 17****th**** September**

**Kelsey Cottage**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

Wife's fever broke overnight and she began shivering uncontrollably. All of the blankets in the house were not enough to keep her warm. I finally begged her pardon, moved under the bed covers with myself still fully clothed, and held her close to me with the blankets around us both. She did not seem to be aware of my actions. When she stopped shivering I felt that she was asleep, but I lay still and stayed awake as long as I could. Despite the circumstances, I have rarely experienced anything so pleasurable.

If she remembers those moments in my arms, she gives no sign of it.

**Friday, September 19****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I am recovered well enough to be up a little today. Jonathon and I both sat at the table to eat breakfast. Jonathon told me that he cannot believe how very ill he was, and he thanked me for nursing him so faithfully. He asked me a strange question. He said there were plenty of chances for me to leave him if I had wanted to, when he was first ill and before I came down with it. The horses were not secured in the barn and he could not have come after me if I had left. He asked me why did you stay?

I did not even think of leaving. It did not so much as cross my mind. And yet I could have been to Longbourn and back again by now, had I a mind to.

What a silly thought. Why would I ever choose to come back to Newcastle if I could return to Longbourn?

I answered Jonathon, be quiet and eat your soup.

**Sunday, September 20****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I am feeling almost completely recovered today, and Jonathon is quite himself again.

My belly is definitely swollen now, enough to notice when I sit down or stand up, and I feel the baby moving from time to time. It is an odd sensation, but at least I know the baby must be well. I have not been able to sew any new things because of Jonathon and me being sick.

Jonathon asked me if I have considered names for the child. I have not. Certainly he will not be George! I have plenty of time to make a choice.

Jonathon said he has finally decided on a name for Puppy. He wants to call her Reste, like the French name Renee. When did he learn to speak French? I thought only gentlemen learn French, not farmers, but perhaps he learned it while he was in the militia. If he wants Puppy to have a French name why not just call her Renee? But Jonathon says the name has particular meaning for him and so Reste she must be.

**Tuesday, September 22****nd**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon does nothing without a plan.

This thought has been on my mind since last night when we were playing chess again. The game we are playing now we have been playing for three days so far, because as I learn more strategy it takes longer for me to lose.

Jonathon keeps his most powerful pieces out of play until they can give him the strongest advantage, he is always thinking multiple steps ahead and he is teaching me to do the same. He does not think about merely of the next move or two.

He approaches life in the same way that he plays chess. Good Lord, I sound like Lizzy, but it is true. He thinks about what he will like to do with the farm in a year or two years or even five years. He told me today about a new style of planting that he would like to try and how the increased yields might allow him to buy more land. Such thoughts have never entered my head before.

What was his plan when he married me? For he must have had one. And what is his plan for me and my child? I know Jonathon wants an heir. Perhaps that is the only reason he married me and we will never truly be husband and wife. There will be no need for us to be that way after my child is born, if it is a boy.

_Friday 25__th__ September_

_Kelsey Cottage_

_My dear Mr. Bennet,_

_I trust this letter finds you and your family in the best of health. _

_Thank you for your correspondence of 2__nd__ September inquiring about Lydia's welfare. I sincerely apologize for the delay in responding. We have had some illness here, but please be at ease—we are both well. _

_Repairs to Godfrey House are almost complete, and I anticipate that we will remove there from Kelsey on or about 15__th__ October. This part of our bargain is almost complete. Lydia is of course unaware. I expect a spirited reaction when she finds out._

_The training period has been successfully completed. Regular responsibilites and continuous useful activity have brought about a steady improvement in Lydia's disposition, manners, and morale. If you were to see her now I think you would be much pleased with the changes in her. Of late we have been socializing more with a small assortment of our neighbors, neighbors who have assured me of their discretion, and her behavior there has also been pleasing and proper. _

_It is worth noting that she had every chance to flee my presence during our recent illness, and that she chose not to do so. She stayed at her post and fulfilled her duty in every respect. _

_At Godfrey House she will face more temptation to fall back into her old ways. We shall see how it goes._

_You asked me if it is possible that I might develop a true attachment to your daughter at any time in the future, an attachment not prompted by our marriage contract or a sense of duty. I can assure you that it is more than possible. _

_I will continue to send regular updates, as per our arrangement. _

_Most sincerely yours, etc., etc.,,_

_Jonathon Fret_


	12. Chapter 12 - Surrender

_**My favorite chapter to write so far. I hope you like it. I live for your reviews! Thank you so much for all your kind feedback as this story continues.**_

**Tuesday, September 30****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Rebecca came to visit today so that we could work on baby clothes together. Since this is her fourth child she already has many items; she only has to replace things that have been worn out from the first three, so she is helping me sew some of my things. She laughed to see Reste, who has learned how to beg for food and to jump up on the kitchen table when she thinks I will not see her. Rebecca said that Reste's name is most appropriate, but she will not tell me what it means.

I have started to make blankets for the cradle. With Rebecca's help perhaps some of them will not look as hideous as I thought, for she has taught me a new kind of stitch to use to decorate.

Rebecca observed that Kelsey Cottage is a warm and welcoming place, clean and well ordered, and asked if I have developed any affection for it in my time here. She is the only person here who knows that my marriage to Jonathon was not my choice. I told her that Kelsey has improved upon acquaintance and that I am proud of everything I have learned since my wedding. I like to think that I am not quite the same silly, thoughtless girl that I once was. Perhaps I have done as papa told me to and grown up just a little.

Our plans for the ball on Saturday are complete. Earlier today I pressed Jonathon's red regimentals, which he has not worn since our wedding. Fortunately I remembered to make the sad iron hot first! My own dress is pressed, hanging and ready to put on, and I shall have matching ribbons for my hair. The slippers are ready too but I have them in my bureau, because Reste tried to chew on them.

**Wednesday, October 1****st**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I had Jonathon put on his regimentals today so that I could make sure they are ready to wear on Saturday. In his regimentals he is monstrously handsome, not like a toad at all. His eyes have a commanding look which is softened whenever he chooses to smile at me a certain way. His features are regular and pleasing; his teeth are even and brilliant; his form is trim and quite pleasing to the eye. I believe I shall be the envy of every woman at the ball when I enter the ballroom on his arm.

Good Lord! Did I just write that? I shall be the envy of every woman there because of my gown and slippers, not because of the Toad! Although it is true that he is not as repulsive as he once was.

I tried on my gown and slippers as well, and when I had put them on and stood in front of the glass to see myself I could see Jonathon standing behind me, looking and looking as though he could not take his eyes off me. Then he came to stand behind me and told me to stand still, and he fastened a new necklace around my neck. It is a small chain of silver with pearls embedded in it. I have never had anything quite so delicate and fine. I thanked him for it and he said his only thanks is in seeing my enjoyment.

Jonathon has already requested the first dance and the supper set, and Rebecca has promised to stay close and tell me about all the different people we shall see. I hope that I shall be partnered for every set of the night.

**Sunday, October 5****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I can still scarcely believe what happened last night. I have more questions than answers, and Jonathon will not tell me all I want to know.

When we arrived Jonathon handed me out of the carriage in front of the assembly hall and then paid a boy to take the horse and carriage a little ways away and wait for us. I entered the assembly on his arm and I think we must have made a very handsome couple by the way everyone stopped and stared at us.

Jonathon introduced me to more people than I could possibly remember. He knows ever so many people in this area. Most of them were polite to him, but I did see a few of the ladies whispering behind their fans when we were announced. Mama says there are always people who will gossip about what they do not know, and nobody here knows me except for the Spades, the Blythes, the Lotts and Mrs. Moore.

I found on the very first dance that Jonathon is a divine dancer. There seems to be nothing the man cannot do, and do well. He smiled at me every time the dance steps brought us together, and he whispered to me one time that I was undoubtedly the most lovely lady in the room. From the looks we were getting there were many women who would have loved to be in my place next to him. I do wish mama could have seen the many gowns and jewels on display from all the fine ladies. If my sisters had attended, they would have had partners for every dance, even Mary.

After the first dance Jonathon and I were separated while he attended to women of rank. I did not mind. My dance card was quite full and in between dances, I spoke with Rebecca and with other ladies to whom she introduced me. Jonathon returned to collect me for the supper set and over the meal he introduced me to still more people. I do believe it was the most entertaining ball that I have ever attended, at least until that horrid Mr. Hughbert Robeson came along.

I heard Mr. Robeson before I saw him, for he asked a Miss Harriet Winsley, whom I had just met, for an introduction, and she obliged. Mr. Robeson is not so tall as my husband, nor as handsome, but it was his manner that was most offensive, for he openly gazed at my whole person, from head to toe, without shame. He asked the usual questions—where was I from, what I thought of Newcastle, and how did married life agree with me. Then he leaned close and said that even a chit like me should have been able to do better than Fret. He said Fret would keep me no better than he kept Amy.

The glass of wine that I threw at his face then did not improve his mood, but he should count himself fortunate, for if I had had a hundred glasses of wine in my hand just then, they all would have been dumped over his head. By now I could see that a small circle of onlookers surrounded us, and they waited to see what would happen next. So did I. I was not afraid of him. I was too angry to be afraid. I am not a soldier's wife for nothing!

Mr. Robeson used his handkerchief to wipe his face off. I was quite pleased to see that the wine had stained his jacket and cravat. I doubt it will ever come out, for I have learned a lot about laundry of late. He looked at me with a face like an angry bull in a field and demanded to know, how could he receive satisfaction from a mere woman? I was opening my mouth to use language Jonathon would never approve of when suddenly Jonathon shoved himself between me and Mr. Robeson and declared that he would be honored to be his wife's champion.

Until then I had thought that Mr. Robeson was simply a man who had drunk too much, that he had no particular designs on me. But when I saw the satisfied look on his face I realized that Jonathon was his target all along. He and Jonathon have some particular grudge between them that I know not of.

If Mr. Frank, the magistrate, had not stepped in I really think they might have dueled on the spot. But he announced that he would have no breach of the king's law on his watch and told Mr. Robeson to apologize to the lady, which was me. Mr. Robeson did so very sullenly. I did not care. I only wished Jonathon would allow me to retrieve another glass of wine and put it to even better use than the first.

There was only one dance after that. My partner came to claim my hand but Jonathon would not surrender it. He apologized to Mr. Custis but told him that he was claiming the right of a new husband to dance with his wife and without waiting for a reply, he escorted me into the set.

During the dance our hands clasped and unclasped many times as we came together and then separated again. Jonathon looked at me the whole time, ignoring his other partners, and I discovered that I can dance without thinking about it at all, for I could think of nothing and nobody but him. Every time our hands came together, even with our gloves on, I felt a small shock that went all through me.

On the way home Jonathon questioned me closely about my conversation with Mr. Robeson, although there was not much to tell. He said that I had handled myself well. He asked me if I was more angry because Robeson insulted me or because Robeson insulted him. I told him, both. I told him that I will not stand by while a drunken oaf of a man insults such a fine gentleman as my husband.

Jonathon stopped the carriage short and looked at me and I could tell that what I had said pleased him very much. He asked me if I meant it. I nodded and began to say, of course I did you ninny, but he kissed me before I could even get the words out. He kissed me again and again, until all the breath had left my body and I was quite weak in the knees. And then he picked up the reins and began to drive again, as if nothing had happened. I cannot believe he can kiss me that way and then pretend it never happened!

All today I have thought of nothing but those kisses, and of Amy. I still do not know who Amy was, or why Mr. Robeson said her name to me.

**Monday, October 6****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

She was not his wife, nor were they even engaged.

Jenkins, who is a servant at the parsonage, came by today to return a harness borrowed from Jonathon and I begged him to tell me whatever he might know about Amy Robeson. He resisted at first but I locked him into the barn and would not release him until he had told me everything he could.

Jonathon had met Amy Pierce in Newcastle when he was eighteen, and he had been madly in love with her. She seemed to return his affection but after he began to call on her, her father announced her engagement to Hughbert Robeson instead. Jonathon went away after the wedding and entered the militia, and that was all Jenkins knew. That, and that Hughbert Robeson had been Jonathon's best friend.

I let Jenkins out of the barn and gave him some biscuits for his trouble.

**Tuesday, October 7****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

When Jonathon came home last night we sat at the supper table and ate a very good meal together. I made sure not to serve mutton, which I know he does not like, and I had on my nicest dress and the necklace he gave me for our wedding. I told him that I hoped he found everything on the table to his liking. Jonathon smiled at first, but then he frowned at me and asked what did I want. I told him, nothing, except to say that I was sorry for asking so many questions about Amy. I told him that I had heard the whole story from Jenkins and I thought it was quite terrible for Amy to pick Mr. Robeson over him.

He looked at me very seriously and asked, why does it matter to you about Amy. He asked if I really thought that Amy still had his heart. I answered I do not know your heart for you have never told me, and anyway it hardly concerns me. He smiled then and said, it concerns you very much. He began to kiss me again, just like he had on the way home from the ball, and then we-well, I cannot even describe what happened next, except that it was nothing like it had been with Wickham. Nothing at all.

I cannot believe that I have fallen in love with my husband, the Toad, but it is true. I am in love with Jonathon Fret, Captain in the King's Army, and I hope that he never feels the need to sleep on top of the covers again, for if he does then I shall have to join him.

**Tuesday, 7****th**** October**

**Kelsey Cottage**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

My heart is too full for words tonight. I am my wife's and she is mine. My objective has been reached.

Next objective: avoid total disaster when Lydia finds out what I have done.


	13. Chapter 13 - Friendly Fire

_**As always, thank you a million times for your continued follows, feedbacks, and wonderful suggestions! You are the best!**_

**Wednesday, October 8****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

I have discovered that Jonathon is not always so regimented as he might seem. This morning it was I who insisted that we must rise and eat breakfast, after he had growled and said twice that he had no interest in leaving bed, and it was already half past eight.

Jonathon tells me that we will shortly be moving from Kelsey Cottage into a home that is more suitable for the winter. I am glad that this is so, for the weather has started to turn cold and yesterday there was ice on the ground outside the front door. I do not know what house he has in mind, but he says it is close by and there is no reason for me to pack. He says we have little enough and all our moving will be done for us. I cannot think what he means, for to hire workmen to move us when we can do it ourselves is not like him.

**Friday, October 10****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

It must be very close by indeed. Servants arrived today to take most of the animals from the barn and move them to their new home, and the servants walked! They led the beasts on the path that goes past the garden in back of the house, up the hill and into the woods, and then disappeared. Jenkins was one of them—will he work for Jonathon now instead of for the Spades? Jonathon will not answer a single one of my questions. It is driving me quite mad.

**Saturday, October 11****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon caught me starting to walk up the path where the animals were taken. I ought to have realized that he would know what I had in mind. He has forbidden me to step foot today in the garden or beyond it, but he promised to show me the house after services tomorrow.

**Sunday, October 12****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon told me we would drive directly to Godfrey House after services, not stopping first at Kelsey, but he might as well have saved his breath for all the difference it made. Godfrey House is scarcely more than a stone's throw from the back of the garden! What a ninny I have been! The only reason I could not see it was because of the grove of trees that separate it from the caretaker's cottage, for Kelsey turns out to be nothing but that, just the home of the caretaker for what turns out to be the real house.

Kelsey has been my home for the past three months. There is not an inch of that floor that I have not scrubbed, not a window I have not washed. It is much nicer now than when we first moved in. All my best efforts have gone into it for what feels like forever, and now it counts for nothing. I am not very pleased with Jonathon just now.

I suppose Godfrey House is rather charming. It is larger than Longbourn and I am sure, as Jonathon says, that it will be warmer and more welcoming for the baby. The master suite alone is larger than the sitting room and dining room at Longbourn together, and it is painted in a smoke-grey. The rooms it connects to, which I imagine to be mine, are only half as large but they are clean and have a pretty view out the window. Neither bed chamber has a bed in it yet, nor anything else. Jonathon says the furniture is to be delivered on the 15th, when we move in.

This house will require many more servants than Kelsey, and even more than Longbourn. Everywhere I look, I see nothing but work, work, work.

**Monday, October 13****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

Jonathon and I walked to Godfrey House today while he told me the whole history of the house and his family. It has been in his family for four or five generations, but Jonathon's father died while he was in the militia and after that, his older brother neglected it shamefully, for he liked to spend his time in town. It did not even have a caretaker since last winter. Jonathon has spent a great deal of money on repairs and improvements to the roof, the chimneys, the drains and such.

The building is grey stone with green shutters, and a half circle outside the front allows a carriage to pull up to the front door, which is also green. There is a fine entry hall with a marble floor and a tall ceiling, and the drawing room, dining room, library and parlor are all magnificent. I have counted four fireplaces so far, and this is all on the first floor alone. Jonathon might have mentioned those fireplaces to me while I was struggling to learn how to start a fire!

I have not even seen the kitchens yet.

**Tuesday, October 15****th**

**Kelsey Cottage**

My husband is a wealthy man! He has done nothing but deceive me this whole time!

Jonathon took me to Godfrey House again today so that I could direct the servants in beating the rugs and washing the curtains. The first servant I saw was Jenkins, who does not work for the Spades at all. He never has. When Jonathon and I were so ill and I thought Rebecca had sent Jenkins to help us, he was merely acting on my husband's orders. Jonathon has many servants!

I shall have to supervise the housekeeper, the cook and her assistant, two upstairs maids and two downstairs maids. Jenkins is under Jonathon's direct supervision, along with two grooms, a gardener, and a grouping of other hired hands. I asked if Jenkins is Jonathon's valet, but he reminded me that when we first married, he told me he does not have a valet. He has never seen the need for one, he says, for he would be a sorry soldier indeed if he could not put on his own boots without help. Jenkins helps him when he works in the fields. In the fields! I begin to wonder whom I have married—a soldier, a gentleman, or a farmer?

I tossed my head and said that I imagine he will still expect me to set out his clothing for him every night. He quite agreed and said that is what a wife is for.

There are many things a wife is for, but Jonathon may not get them all from me. I am very put out with him.

**Wednesday, October 15****th**

**Godfrey House**

I believe my husband to be quite the most peculiar man I have ever known.

All day long today I supervised the servants—our servants!—as they removed our belongings from Kelsey and brought them here to Godfrey House. I was surprised at how little there was to move, just our clothes and personal belongings, and Jonathon's books. Everything in the kitchen will stay there, and the cottage will now be used by Jenkins. The bed, the kitchen table, the chairs from the sitting room—they all stay with Kelsey. They would be quite out of place at Godfrey. Everything that I touched every day for three months is gone and will be used by another.

I had another shock when the furniture came for the master bedroom and my suite. I directed the placement of the bed in the master chamber so that each morning, when the sun first comes up, it will come right through and shine directly into Jonathon's face. It will serve him right for being so deceitful with me. Then I went into my chambers to direct the placement of that furniture, but I saw nothing. It is quite empty. There is absolutely nothing in my room. I asked, but the servants said nothing was missing from the delivery.

When I found Jonathon I demanded to know what happened to my bed but he said we have all the bed we need. He has never agreed with the practice of a husband and wife sleeping separately, he said, when they ought to be for the comfort of one another at all times. The room next to his is for our child when it is born, he said. I will share his bed every night.

I have never heard of such an arrangement in a gentleman's house. Mama would be quite horrified.

**Thursday, October 16****th**

**Godfrey House**

When we prepared for bed last night I told Jonathon that he could sleep on top of the covers again. I have no interest in sleeping with him. He told me that once ground is gained it must never be surrendered and that he has no intention of resuming our previous arrangement. I will sleep in his bed or not at all.

I thought to sleep on top of the covers myself but in this house I do not yet know where I would find more blankets to use. Do we even have extra blankets? I have no idea. The bedding is as new as the furniture.

I finally got into my side of the bed, as far away from Jonathon as I could, and turned my back on him. I thought he would be as restless and unable to sleep as I, for it must be difficult to rest easily knowing you have misused your spouse so disgracefully. But I was mistaken. He was snoring within minutes. I did not fall asleep until much later.

I awoke this morning with the bright sun shining directly into my eyes. Jonathon's back was turned and so it did him absolutely no harm at all.

**Saturday, October 20****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon says I must be reasonable. I will not be reasonable, I cannot be reasonable. I _am_ being reasonable!

I told Jonathon, deceiving your wife is not a reasonable thing to do, but he answered that when we first married I had a great deal to learn and I would not have been ready to live in Godfrey House as its mistress, nor even as a maid. He says an officer must first learn to take orders before he can give them. Now that I have learned basic housekeeping skills I am ready to apply those skills to a larger setting.

I told him I shall never take orders from him. He answered that I certainly have never done so, and he turned his back on me and walked out the door.

I asked cook to serve mutton for dinner, but she said Jonathon has given orders that only venison, turkey and fish are to be stocked in the kitchen. He will not allow mutton in the house.

**Sunday, October 19****th**

**Godfrey House**

Last night when we retired to our chamber Jonathon told me that I cannot continue to pout when I do not get my way. He said it is not becoming for a woman with child to behave like a child, and why do I object so much to having a fine house to live in? I told him that nobody would like to be deceived for more than three months.

He asked me, if I had known of Godfrey House, would I have ever consented to stay at Kelsey? And if I had not stayed at Kelsey, would I have learned everything I did? He asked, what will it take to make me appreciate what I am given? Do I not even appreciate him?

His words cut me like a knife. I do appreciate him, very much. But I do not know how to say that.

He blew out the candle and we both got in bed, but he did not stay on his side this time. He reached for me and I went willingly enough. He kissed me until I pulled back and said I forgive you but I am still angry with you, Toad. He answered that even a Toad may be kissed by a beautiful princess, and I could not protest any more.

**Monday, October 20****th**

**Godfrey House**

If Jonathon wants me to prove what I have learned since marrying him, then prove it I shall. I shall be a model wife and keep my household in such perfect order that Godfrey House will be the envy of the whole neighborhood.

First goal: to learn everything I can about running a house of this size—what tasks must be accomplished and when, how to supply the kitchens, etc.

Second goal: to prepare for the coming baby to the best of my ability.

My plan: I shall have to meet with the housekeeper, Mrs. Adams, every day to plan out menus, schedule cleaning tasks for the maids, and go over what is spent for our needs. I also must find where I can learn more about how to carry out these tasks, and also about babies, for I still have much to learn.

Good Lord, I begin to talk like a soldier!

_Monday, October 20__th_

_Godfrey House_

_To Mr. Richard Frank, Magistrate_

_17 W- Street, Newcastle_

_Dear Sir,_

_Please forgive me for taking the liberty of presuming upon our very slight acquaintance and addressing you thus, but I request your assistance in a matter that has already been brought to your attention._

_As you know, Robeson used the occasion of the assembly recently held in Newcastle to insult my wife and thereby attempt to carry out his imagined revenge upon me. My honor demanded that I respond as a gentleman must; you merely carried out your duty in preventing such an event. I hold nothing against you. _

_You are familiar enough with my history with Robeson to realize that this matter is not resolved. My wife is well protected at Godfrey House, but there may be other attempts made. I request the honor of a meeting with you to discuss further preventive actions. I will await word from you to arrange for a convenient time. _

_Yours, etc., etc.,_

_Jonathon Fret_

_**Author's note: I am relying on . as my guide for how many servants Lydia must supervise.**_

_**The line, "I can't be reasonable, I won't be reasonable, I am being reasonable!" is taken from**__** Anne's House of Dreams**__**, by Lucy M. Montgomery. I've always wanted to use that line somewhere, and this was the perfect place!**_


	14. Chapter 14 - Offensive Tactics

_**As always, thank you for reading and reviewing. Lydia's character is becoming more and more difficult to write! I look forward to your feedback and hope you leave lots of it!**_

**Chapter 14 – Offensive Tactics**

**Tuesday, October 21****st**

**Godfrey House**

I forgave Jonathon, but I did not forget.

He was quite surprised last night when mutton appeared on the dinner table. Cook did not disobey orders. I gave her the day off and sent the downstairs maid, Susannah, to the butcher's to get what I wanted, and used my own pin money to do it.

Jonathon stared at the table for a moment and then looked at me, and I thought he might be angry. But instead his mouth twitched and then he began to laugh.

He said that the role of a husband is just as difficult for him as that of an officer, and asked me to forgive him for treating me as a soldier and not as a wife.

Since he could admit he was wrong, I could too. I told Jonathon that I am not too proud to admit that living at Kelsey Cottage served me well. I could not quite bring myself to say thank you but I think he knew it.

He ate every bite of the mutton, even though I told him he did not have to.

It was our first disagreement as a truly married couple, and I glad it is over. I am certain it will not be our last.

**Thursday, October 23****rd**

**Godfrey House**

I received my first visitors today. Mrs. Penelope Haroldson and Mrs. Esther Smith called on me and asked to look over the whole house, because they had heard that it was receiving so much work. They also asked me many questions about the ball. They were there but they did not stay until the end, and they asked if it was true that Jonathon had forced Mr. Robeson to apologize to me at the tip of a sword?

La! I should have loved to see that!

I told them the truth, that Mr. Robeson had insulted me and Jonathon came to my rescue. The other story would have been much better. They both sighed and simpered as though they were mere school girls, when they must be positively ancient. They are at least five and thirty if they are a day, but I believe they may have quite a fascination with my husband. It would seem my Jonathon is quite the hero of the neighborhood.

**Friday, October 24****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon has asked me to go to Newcastle with him on Monday in order to pick out what I would like for the nursery.

It is definitely time to do so. My condition shows more and more every day, and when winter weather sets in I am sure the road to town will be difficult to travel.

I will also try to locate a copy of a book called _Domestic Cookery_, which Mrs. Adams says has many useful receipts and instructions in it for any gentlewoman setting up housekeeping.

**Saturday, October 25****th**

**Godfrey House**

Dr. Arnold came to see me today. He said he wanted to check on my progress. I told him there is not much to talk about but a great deal to show, which made him laugh, although I do not think Jonathon was much pleased at the joke. Dr. Arnold asked, when the times comes do we wish to engage his services or those of a midwife? I had not thought about it. Aunt Phillips says that babies generally come no matter who is around, but Jonathon said we would be pleased to use his services. It matters not to me so long as the baby comes OUT. It begins to be rather inconvenient to even reach down and pick something up, and the baby's kicks are becoming stronger. Lord help me, I still have at least three more months of this.

**Tuesday, October 28****th**

**Godfrey House**

In Newcastle Jonathon and I went to a carpenter's shop where there are cradles on display and to order. When we had looked at all of those, he also took me to the section where bedsteads are on display and told me to pick something out if I like. He said that since we were always together at Kelsey, he had not thought I would care for a different arrangement at Godfrey and I should suit myself.

Since he gave me the choice, I choose to stay with him. But it is my choice and not his!

I did pick out a small bed for the nurse to use, after the baby comes, or for one of us to use before then in case of illness. We also chose a small chest and other usual pieces. The bedstead will have to be made and delivered, but we were able to bring the cradle home with us. It is a monstrous thing with fine designs of flowers carved into the sides, and quite the loveliest cradle I have ever seen. I cannot wait to fill it with pretty blankets and pillows.

**Tuesday, 28****th**** October**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

**Status Update:**

My wife may be managed more easily by contraries and opposites. If I try to compel her into something against her will, she will only push back. But If I give her a choice, she may choose to please me and say that she is only pleasing herself. It is a useful insight.

Being a husband requires as much strategy as I ever used when an officer. But I find the rewards greater.

**Wednesday, October 29th**

**Godfrey House**

Rebecca came to call today. She admitted that she knew of Godfrey House all along but she was forbidden to tell me. I told her I am not angry at Jonathon any more, for who could be angry at having to live at Godfrey House? And I am certainly not angry with her. I took her all over the house and showed her every corner that I could think of. I believe she envies me! She certainly admired the cradle.

Now that I am truly a gentleman's wife, I shall have to give and receive calls in the neighborhood just as mama does. There is no end of responsibility as a married lady.

Rebecca said that she will loan me her copy of _Domestic Cookery_ on Sunday after services, since I was not able to look for it when we were in Newcastle.

**Friday, October 31****st**

**Godfrey House**

Days here are very different than they were at Kelsey, but there are some things that are the same, too. I am keeping to a pattern of housework such as what Jonathon gave me at Kelsey, because it is useful for making sure everything is done and now I am so used to following a schedule that it hardly bothers me at all. The difference is that instead of me doing all the work, now I can tell the maids what to do, and they have to do it. Jonathon says not to be harsh with them and I do not think that I am. I remember too much how difficult all that work was.

I do not tell Mrs. Adams what to do. She is her own force of nature, though she is very kind, and I am a little afraid to question her management of anything, she is so monstrously capable. She knows the exact location and amount of every herb we have in the house, and she knows when she bought it. And when she and I make up the menu for the week, she knows just what to order and from whom to order it to get the best quality and price. She quite agreed with my schedule for maintaining the house, but I really do not think she needed it at all. I believe she could do it all herself, even wearing a blindfold and half asleep.

In the afternoons I can take a walk with Reste or work on some of the baby items. Mrs. Adams sometimes sits with me and helps me when I do this, but even with her help, this child is bound to be very ill dressed if I do not learn more, and quickly. How can garments be so ridiculously tiny and so impossible to sew at the same time? The best that can be said is that he will grow out of these clothes quickly.

In the evenings sometimes Jonathon and I play chess again. I still feel very stupid playing against him but he says that I improve constantly. On other nights he reads aloud to me from _Robinson Crusoe_ while I attempt more needlework.

All of this is very different than Longbourn, where I had no responsbilities at all. I wish mama had given me some, for how is a person ever to learn if they are not forced to do something against their will? I will certainly make our child learn everything they need to know when they are grown up.

**Sunday, November 2****nd**

**Godfrey House**

I have _Domestic Cookery_. Rebecca gave it to me after services this morning, as promised. I also have more questions.

On the inside flyleaf of the book, I found the following inscription: To my dearest daughter, Rebecca Pierce, upon the occasion of her marriage, in the hope that you will find it useful. I am your loving mother, Anna Pierce.

Rebecca was a Pierce before she married Mr. Spade. Amy Robeson's maiden name was Amy Pierce.

Were they sisters? Their ages are close enough. But if they were, why would Rebecca not tell me? I thought we had become such friends, but she has never breathed a word of this. I believe there is still more to this story.

**Monday, November 3****rd**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon will not answer my questions about Rebecca, and he forbids me to ask her myself. I shall have to find another way.

In the meantime, Jonathon has asked me to prepare a dinner party in three week's time, and he gave me the list of people he would like to invite. I looked at his list and thought, How many of the people on this list will know about Amy?

I shall start making calls this week in order to extend the invitations.

**Wednesday, November 5****th**

**Godfrey House**

I have been speaking with Mrs. Adams about what the dinner will entail. We will have white soup, of course, and pheasant if Jonathon can hunt some for us. If not it shall be a venison haunch with a wine sauce. What a joke if I should somehow put mutton on the table! But I will not do that to my dear Jonathon. He seems to be very anxious that this party goes well.

I was just sixteen last June, the youngest of all my sisters, and here I am preparing to preside over my own table for the first time!

**Friday, November 7****th**

**Godfrey House**

Today I came upon Susannah and Katie, the two downstairs maids, as they were polishing pieces of glassware, and they were chattering to each other about the ball and the duel they think Jonathon had with Mr. Robeson. Apparently it is still the talk of the neighborhood. They believe that Mr. Robeson not only apologized, but that Jonathon forced him to his knees and made him kiss the hem of my dress! Every time I hear that story it is more entertaining. I stayed out of sight and laughed until they started speaking about my husband.

Susannah said that it is a shame Mr. Fret was forced into marrying Miss Lydia, that there must have been a great deal of money involved for such a handsome and honorable gentleman, an officer, to take on such a young girl barely out of the school room. Katie simpered and said that she wished he would not always be so honorable with _her_, and how did Mrs. Fret ever get with child so quickly?

I was about to give them a good dose of my mind, and perhaps send them both packing, when Susannah said, How do we even know it is _Mr. Fret's_ child? And then she lowered her voice and whispered while she and Katie giggled even more.

I am certain, absolutely certain, that Jonathon has told no one of Wickham. He is not that sort of man, and I do not think Dr. Arnold that sort of person either, if he even knows. This must be just the silly sort of gossip that people always like to spit out when talk turns to babies and marriages.

But I cannot argue with it. It is all true.

I came up behind the two maids and spoke so loudly, asking if they were quite done with their work, that they both started and dropped their wineglasses on the floor, shattering them. I then walked away without a word. Mrs. Adams will make them pay for that.

**Saturday, November 8****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon says I am not to sack Susannah and Katie. He says to give the matter to Mrs. Adams and let her deal with them. They are just silly girls whose tongues run wild, and she will give them the discipline they need. He says not to worry about ridiculous gossip spread by women with too much time on their hands, that this will die down when something else happens in the neighborhood. It is only natural that they gossip about someone they do not yet know, and who has just moved into the area.

Not so long ago, I was one of those silly girls.

Are the other families in the neighborhood gossiping about us just as much? Is that why we have had only two callers since we came to Godfrey? I thought perhaps everyone believed that Godfrey House is still being repaired, but maybe I was wrong.

When we entered the assembly hall at Newtown, for the ball, I thought everyone stared at us out of admiration. Maybe I was wrong about that too.

**Monday, November 10****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon saw yesterday that my spirits were still low, and after services he took me on a drive in the carriage, with little Reste on my lap. The fresh air and sunshine did me good, and I was able to wave and smile at everyone we met, and forget about the ugly gossip for a little while. And when we retired last night he made me forget that there was anyone else in the world at all.

I suppose what matters is not how our marriage began, but what it is now.

_**Author's Note: I have looked and looked online but I can't find anything that talks about how furniture was ordered in this time period, so I used my imagination. This seemed like a likely scenario in a city the size of Newcastle. **_


	15. Chapter 15 - Counterstrikes

_**Thank you so much for your reviews and comments. Hearing your thoughts after each chapter absolutely makes my day! I hope you continue to enjoy this story as much as I am enjoying writing it.**_

**Tuesday November 11****th**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

To dwell on the past, especially when the past causes regret, is neither beneficial nor productive. I therefore commit these thoughts to paper in the hopes that they will then be released, nay, expelled, from my mind.

The final time I was able to see Amy, we exchanged angry words. She insisted, over all of my objections, that she would marry Robeson. Despite the affection we had expressed and the hopes we had exchanged for our future, she would not be dissuaded from her choice. I called her faithless and untrue, and we parted in anger. Six weeks later, she married him.

It was not until much later that Mrs. Spade informed me that the choice had never been her sister's.

Duty is a fine thing in a soldier manning his post in the fiercest elements, or advancing his flag against a hail of gunfire, but it has no place in forcing a marriage upon a reluctant daughter. Amy was dutiful to a fault. I ought not to have berated her, for she paid a terrible price. There are some who would say, if they knew the story, that she only received what she deserved, but I cannot agree.

From the reports in the neighborhood, Robeson has not changed at all. And I, too, have a sense of duty.

**Tuesday, November 11****th**

**Godfrey House**

If the neighborhood is so determined to gossip, I may as well put it to good use. It is lucky that I was not able to finish all my calls last week, for I still have half of Jonathon's list left to invite to the dinner party. Surely some of these ladies will know about Amy. I only have to find a way to open the conversation.

**Wednesday, November 12****th**

**Godfrey House**

On my first call I asked Mrs. Blanche Blythe what she thinks of our parson, for everyone has an opinion of the local parson, and it is easy to move from there into a discussion of the parson's family. Mrs. Blythe gave me her opinion of Mr. Spade, which was favorable, and I then asked if Mr. Spade's family lives in the area, which was a mistake. Instead of speaking of his wife and his wife's family, she started a lengthy description of Mr. Spade's brother and his assortment of fine hogs, what a fine gentleman farmer he is, how he studies his hogs and feeds them only the best, how many people come to his farm for miles around after butchering time simply to get a taste for themselves, how she had once served this pork at her own table with a fine red sauce and received compliments that would put the king to shame, and so on and on. We spoke of nothing but hogs for at least twenty minutes, or rather she did, for I could not get a word in at all.

She said not one word of either Rebecca or Amy.

I dearly wished for Kitty to be with me in that moment, for she could have coughed loudly and I would have had an excuse to stop the conversation. It often worked when I lived at Longbourn and we did not wish to listen to mama any more. But there was no Kitty with me and so I had to invent my own coughing fit before I could leave.

I must remember to tell Mrs. Adams that if she cannot find venison or pheasant for our dinner party, she is absolutely not to serve pork or ham.

Caroline Lott was next on my list, and here I was able to get two invitations out of the way at once, for she was being visited by Mrs. Maria Mullen. Caroline received me with a very cold look on her face that went well with her lips, which seem to be always permanently pursed together. She kept her nose so far up in the air, it was a wonder she could ever manage to look down it to stare at my stomach in disapproval, but look she did. I am sure that she has heard the gossip about me and is relishing how unfit she thinks I am to be Jonathon's wife.

Maria Mullen was much more friendly and accepted my invitation on the spot. She did not seem well pleased with Caroline's manners.

On my way out I wished Caroline well on her coming Blessed Event. She does not appear to be with child, but it was the only polite way for me to call her fat.

**Thursday, November 13****th**

**Godfrey House**

Katie and Susannah each came to me earlier this morning to apologize for what I overheard them saying. Mrs. Adams told them they had to do so or else find a new position, but I do think they meant it. Or at least they both mean to keep working. Both promised that they would give more attention to their work in the future and less attention to gossip and I pardoned both of them. I could not hold it against them when I used to be the same.

Today I called on Mrs. Catherine White. With her I was a little more direct. I said that our parson's wife is a very genteel and amiable sort of person and then I waited for her to speak. Mrs. White agreed with me but she had not much else to say about her, for she only moved here only last year, from Lincolnshire, when she married Mr. White.

I wish I knew one of Jonathon's military strategies to use right now for I am burning with curiosity, but I am quite on my own.

**Saturday, November 15****th**

**Godfrey House**

I intended to make my final calls yesterday, but we had our first snow and a very ill wind blew, and Jonathon thought I should stay inside. But the snow did not last on the ground, and Jenkins was able to hook up the horses and take me on my last three calls today.

On the first two visits, to Mrs. Elliman and Mrs. Saylor, nothing very interesting happened. But on my last visit, to Penelope Haroldson, I was finally rewarded for my trouble, for I found that her tongue is hung in the middle and runs right off at both ends.

I did not have to ask any questions. Penelope likes to talk. I had hardly sat down when she asked, did I know that Mrs. Lott is raging with jealousy over the ragout that she ate at Mrs. Blythe's three weeks ago? For she swears that her own cook gave out the receipt when she had not permission to do so. Then she told me that Mrs. Elliman got into an argument with a milliner in town over a pair of gloves, and her husband had to forcibly remove her from the shop. And Penelope is certain that Mrs. Smith's oldest daughter has been losing her reputation with one of the grooms that works for them.

The gentlemen of the neighborhood were not safe from her either. I learned that Mr. Smith is sometimes too well acquainted with his whiskey bottle, that old Mr. Liverman is threatening to disinherit his son, and that the widowed Mr. Gaston has cast lecherous eyes at nearly every woman in the neighborhood. I do not know if all she says is true, but it is all diverting. I wonder if she gossips about me too?

She did not speak of Amy, but I am sure that if I spend more time with her she will give me any information I want.

**Saturday, November 15****th**

**Godfrey House**

No. If I listen to such gossip I will be no better than Katie or Susannah. I do not even know if what Penelope says is true. And none of it matters anyway, for Jonathon loves me and nothing else makes any difference, not even whatever happened with Amy. It does not matter how Amy died or that Rebecca was her sister, nor even that Rebecca did not tell me about any of it. I shall not allow myself to think on it any more.

At least I hope I will not.

**Tuesday, November 18****th**

**Godfrey House**

It is only six days until our dinner party. All the invitations have been accepted except for the Blythes and the Lotts. The Blythes said that business will require Mr. Blythe to travel to town that day, and Mrs. Blythe will accompany him. The Lotts cited a previous engagement, which I think Mrs. Lott could very well have told me on the day I called upon her, but it is no matter. Mrs. Lott may stay home and practice keeping her nose in the air, and I shall not have to live through any further conversation about hogs with Mrs. Blythe.

This has changed my seating arrangements somewhat, but it is not hard to rearrange. Jonathon will be at the head of the table, of course, and I shall be next to him. Rebecca shall be on my right with Mr. Spade and Maria Mullen and her husband shall be across from me. I do not especially care where everyone else is, but Penelope's gossip at least allowed me to keep Mrs. Saylor separated from Mrs. White. Penelope says they have rubbed each other the wrong way ever since they started throwing their daughters at the same man. He has yet to declare his intentions to anyone, and now each mother likes to proclaim their own daughter's accomplishments endlesssly. Penelope says it can be tiresome to hear them talk so much. I have arranged for them to sit on either side of Penelope, far away from me. We will see who tires of who first.

**Thursday, November 20****th**

**Godfrey House**

The menu is now set. We shall definitely have the venison haunch with wine sauce to start with, as well as the pheasant that Jonathon has promised he and Mr. Spade will hunt on Monday. A salmagundy salad, various sweetbreads, and a few other little dishes of Mrs. Adams' design will then be followed by dessert, which I have insisted should be lemon cream. At first I thought to have lemon ice, but Mrs. Adams pointed out that with the cold weather now in place, something not so cold would probably be more welcome.

Mrs. Adams uncovered the piano forte, which I had barely even noticed before. She says it is in fine tune for Jonathon saw to it at the end of the work done on the house. I cannot play a note but perhaps someone at the dinner party will.

Since my calls upon other ladies in the neighborhood, we have received two dinner invitations from other families, and a few ladies have called upon me now at home. I believe Jonathon is pleased. Maybe the gossip is starting to go away, and maybe the dinner party will get rid of it altogether.

**Sunday, November 23****rd**

**Godfrey House**

Papa has come. Jonathon and I were both shocked when we arrived home after services today and found him sitting in the parlor, reading yesterday's paper as though it were the most natural thing in the world. His eyes looked like they would fly right out of his head when he saw the size of me, but what did he expect? I told him, if he thinks this is large, he ought to wait until the end of January. But he says he is only staying a week. He says he had to see me for himself after reading Jonathon's letters.

I do not understand why he has taken an interest in me now. He certainly never did before.


	16. Chapter 16 - Encounters

_**Another interesting chapter to write, and a fairly long one. I hope you enjoy it and leave lots and lots of feedback!**_

**Monday, November 24th**

**Godfrey House**

Everything is ready for the dinner party tonight. Rebecca came to help me with the centerpieces today, even though she has three children at home and she is even larger than I am now.

Jonathon, papa, and Mr. Spade went hunting quite early and were able to shoot four pheasant, which Cook now has roasting in the oven. When they arrived back at Godfrey, Mrs. Adams made them come in through the kitchen entrance so that their dirt would not pollute the front entry, and papa looked like he would die of shock when he saw me scrubbing vegetables with Marion, Cook's helper. But the work must be done, and I knew Cook would need Marion's help preparing the pheasant when it came.

The men retreated to the study while Mrs. Adams and I oversaw the setting of the table, and then I also supervised the final cleaning of all the downstairs rooms. Certainly they were clean to start with but l wanted them to be perfect. I had all the furniture polished as well. Jonathon finally came and told me I have been on my feet long enough, it is time to rest. Papa said nothing but I could see plainly that he was thinking, Could this possibly be my youngest and worst daughter? He asked if I have truly been the one to arrange all this, or was it all my housekeeper's doing? I told him it was my doing but I do not think he believed me, even though I told him how Mrs. Adams has helped too.

I am resting in our room now but my nerves will not let me sleep. Papa shall just have to see for himself what I am capable of.

**Tuesday, November 25th**

**Godfrey House**

Such a night as we had! It was all splendid, and I think papa has learned his lesson. I only got up today at half past eleven, and even then Jonathon asked me several times if I am rested enough. He worries about me too much sometimes, but it is very sweet.

By the time our first guests arrived last night, I was ready and waiting for them in the dress I wore to the Newcastle assembly, with the necklace Jonathon gave me that night. The dress and necklace both have happy memories with them and I thought they would bring me good luck. I also wore the shawl that Jonathon gave me last summer, the one he says reminds him of my eyes.

Papa said that I looked quite fine and that I must have a superior lady's maid, to do my hair in such a fashion. I believe he is going to be shocked any number of times while he is here. I told him that I have no maid, that I survived without one at Kelsey for more than three months doing my own hair, and if Jonathon can do without a valet, then I surely need nobody to help me dress! Papa looked doubtful and then I could not help adding that Jonathon helps me in or out of my clothing when that is needed. That did not come out exactly as I intended, but papa asked no more after that. Jonathon frowned at me, but I think he was secretly laughing too.

Dinner went well enough. The table looked quite pretty, with napkins in a color that matched the flowers of the centerpieces. Thanks to Cook there could be no complaints about the food, and Penelope asked from the other side of the table where the receipt for the white soup came from. Half the ladies tittered and I know they were thinking of Mrs. Lott. I am sure Penelope actually wished that she were with us, so as to needle her. But all the conversation I could hear was very civil. And Mr. Smith gave a lovely toast in honor of Jonathon and me, although he may have been looking for an excuse to drink more wine.

Little Reste was quite mad with all the smells coming from the kitchen and table, and she went from chair to chair begging for food over and over. Anyone would think we must starve her by how she was acting. She is quite a pretender. I believe papa might have given her a piece of venison, for after that she would not leave him alone but kept whining and pawing at him, and finally Mrs. Adams had her taken to the kitchen to eat scraps.

After dinner we ladies withdrew while the men went to the library to sip brandy and do whatever it is men do at those times. In the drawing room the other ladies asked me about the season in town and who I had seen, but I had to tell them that society does not interest me and so I could tell them almost nothing. That is a lie of course but it was the best I could do. After that they did not pay much attention to me. Everyone broke into little groups and spoke among themselves, I think mostly about courtships and fashions. I did my best to stay close to Rebecca and also to Maria, who is becoming a favorite of mine. She is only a few years older than me and she is also with child, although she does not show yet. The three of us spoke of nothing but babies.

When the gentlemen rejoined us Jonathon suggested that we break out the tables and set them up for whist. He chose me as his partner and we played against Mr. Spade and papa. It was not a fair game. Papa thought we would lose quickly for he does not have a high opinion of my skills, but he was in for another surprise. Jonathon and I did not exchange any signals about our play but we did not have to. We have played against each other so often these past months that we can now anticipate each other's moves without a word, and on the first round we took every trick. On the next set, we lost only two. After the third round papa cried foul and he would not play against us again.

By general acclaim, Mrs. Hoffman was persuaded to sit down to the pianoforte and she played two songs while we all listened. I was sitting next to Mrs. Saylor and I heard her observe to nobody in particular that although Mrs. Hoffman is talented, her own daughter's skills on the pianoforte are not to be ignored. Mrs. Elliman heard her too, and she said that her daughter's talent for singing is superior to almost anyone she has ever heard. Penelope is right, they can be very tiresome.

After that Mrs. Gordon played a song, but she was not nearly as talented as Mrs. Hoffman. I heard Reste howling in the kitchen while she sang.

Altogether I believe mama would have said this was a success. Lord, I am still tired, but I hope that now that everyone has seen Jonathon and me together, and knows that we are no different than any other couple, they will find something else to gossip about. Jonathon told me last night that that was his plan all along.

**Wednesday, November 26th**

**Godfrey House**

Papa and I have had a row. I do not know if we will ever speak to each other again.

Papa started it. He dug at me all day, making little comments about me and my behavior, and he would not stop. First, he said at breakfast that it was a shame that I did not work at Longbourn the way I did at Kelsey or Godfrey, for I do so much and so well now that he might never have had to send me away at all.

Then later in the day he said that he is happy that Fret has money after all, for he will need it with my habit of ridiculous spending, and perhaps I might lend him some when he is in want. Papa has no idea what I spend, nor is it any of his business, but I did not answer him.

When we were taking tea, he complimented me on Godfrey House, saying how large and modern it is, how well maintained and attractive. But then he said I seem to have been handsomely rewarded for my reckless ways, and perhaps I should convince Kitty and Mary to find husbands the same way I did. I chose to ignore him.

He kept making these little digs at me all day, and I saw at once what he was trying to do. He hoped to provoke me into anger so that I would say foolish things, and prove to him that I have not changed at all. He wanted to see the old Lydia. But knowing this, I would not give him the satisfaction of a response. He could jab at me all he wanted, and I would not answer, and he would eventually stop on his own. Jonathon has taught me nothing if not strategy.

I held my tongue until dinner time, when papa wondered aloud how long Jonathon would have tolerated me if I had not demonstrated all the household skills I learned at Longbourn. That was too much, for I learned nothing at Longbourn, and papa knows it. After hearing his comments all day I simply could take no more. I gritted my teeth and said that I thought he might be happier to see a daughter so improved, instead of trying to bring out the worst in her.

He looked satisfied then and I could see that he knew he had touched my temper at last, and that he would enjoy his advantage. I have seen him bait people before and now he was baiting me. He said he had always urged me to do better and learn more but the choice was up to me, and it was not his fault if I had not exerted myself. But that is not true, and I told him so. I was the last and the least at Longbourn, and papa hardly ever spoke to me when he had Jane or Elizabeth to take his attention. Perhaps he would have done more with me if I had been a boy.

Papa's expression changed as he said that was not true. He told me that I was a thoughtless girl and did not care for my reputation at all, and so what could he do? I told him that the same could be said for him. Where was he when I was making myself ridiculous with chasing after officers? Why should I care for my reputation when he did not?

Jonathon spoke and tried to stop our angry words but he should have spared himself the effort, for we paid as much attention to him as to the walls. After that he closed the door and made sure that the servants did not enter.

I told papa that I have paid dearly for my mistakes, and he said, but do you not enjoy the fruits of them as well, with such a fine house and husband? He seemed to find it rather humorous. But it is wrong of papa to make light of what happened to me, to act as though it was all a joke, and to do it in front of Jonathon. I cannot blame papa for all of it, he did try to keep me away from the Maggot, but he should not make sport of it.

The worst came when papa said that I might have fared much worse than having to marry Jonathon, and marrying Wickham was only what I deserved after being so careless with my reputation. He said if I had not compromised myself with Wickham it would surely have been someone else, and nothing he might have said would have stopped me.

Even Jonathon looked angry at that, and I think he was about to say something, but I told papa that if he could not speak civilly, then his absence would be much more welcome than his presence. And I told him, I am not the same Lydia that you gave away in London. At least I learned from my mistakes, I wish you would learn from yours. Then I stormed out of the room and did not care when the door slammed shut behind me.

I was quite surprised this morning to find that papa is still here. He has not left to go back to Longbourn. But I will still not speak to him.

**Thursday, 27th November**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

Status Report: Wife has successfully carried out her first social engagement. She delegated responsibilities, oversaw plans and preparations, and accomplished every objective. I am very proud of her.

She also unexpectedly did battle with her own father, who appeared without warning and whose sarcastic wit is not appreciated by my wife. For some time they debated the issue of whose behavior has been more to blame. They shall have to resolve their differences on their own, and recognize that each has had their faults, though I hold Mr. Bennet more responsible as the commanding officer of the home. In the meantime, my strategy consists of merely avoiding the line of fire.

I was impressed by my wife's composure and decorum as she made her case to her father. She did not need my assistance at all.

**Operation Enfant**: All preparations are now complete. Dr. Arnold is to be on call starting in the middle of January. Given my wife's continued struggles with needlework, I believe she will appreciate my Christmas gift of a complete layette, in progress now by a seamstress in town. I hope she will like the colors I selected.

**Operation Robeson**: The enemy is in London until after the new year, according to Mr. Frank. I am awaiting favorable conditions.

**Friday, 28th November**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

Relations between my wife and her father are still chilly. Mr. Bennet approached me today to ask for my assistance in speaking to Lydia again. I refused to help him. He must bear the consequences of his own actions, just as Lydia has done all these months. The burden of a reconciliation with his daughter is borne by him alone.

**Saturday, November 29th**

**Godfrey House**

Papa left early today, before I had even arisen. We had barely spoken since Wednesday except to say please pass the potatoes at dinner.

Mrs. Adams found a note to me when she was cleaning his room.

_My dear Lydia,_

_I am forced to apologize for my inconsiderate words to you on Wednesday; in fact, for my words and attitudes ever since I arrived at Godfrey House on Sunday._

_Although I find it hard to admit, the truth is as you said, that you are not at all the same Lydia I said good by to in London. The old Lydia is gone forever, I hope, and in her place is a more responsible and sensible version, though still quite lively. Though Fret had told me so in his letters, still I did not believe it until I saw you for myself, and especially after provoking you so thoroughly before our argument. You showed great patience along with your other new skills and abilities. Fret is to be congratulated on such a wife._

_It is painful for me to admit that your positive changes have had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with two men who were, up until now, so wholly unconnected to our family. I only wish I had exerted myself to such efforts a long time ago. If I had been more careful then, perhaps you would not have found yourself in such difficulties last spring._

_Do not rejoice in my newfound conscience and the attacks it makes on my peace of mind. It will doubtless be short-lived, and I shall quickly return to my indifferent ways. But for as long as it does continue, I offer my apologies to you and ask you for your forgiveness._

_Perhaps in the upcoming spring or summer, after your child has been born, you would consent to accept my company again. Fret says that you have become quite adept at chess, and I should enjoy the opportunity to prove him wrong and beat you soundly. If my company is unacceptable, perhaps you would allow either Mary or Kitty at Godfrey House for a few weeks. I believe they might benefit from some time in your company, and I find that I enjoy the quiet of a house with fewer women in it. You might even take pity on me and ask your mother to come and visit, but do not do so without asking your husband first. Such martyrdom should always be voluntary._

_I take the liberty of closing this letter with a sentiment I have rarely used before with you, by describing myself as _

_Your loving father,_

_Thomas Bennet_

I wish papa would take things more seriously sometimes, but I am glad that even he thinks I have truly changed.


	17. Chapter 17 - Diversions

**Tuesday, December 2****nd**

**Godfrey House**

I am not going to think about papa any more. He has always been as he is now and he will not change, and I shall not worry about it. I wonder how long it took him to discover the pant legs and shirt sleeves that I sewed shut. He will realize that I have learned _some_ sewing skills.

Good Lord, it is only three and twenty days until Christmas, and I do not have anything ready or even started. I shall have to put aside my sewing for the baby for a little while, and if it ends up being naked it is not my fault! I must prepare not only for Christmas but for Boxing Day, and I have never done anything for Boxing Day before. At Longbourn mama did that, and for only three servants. Perhaps I will ask Mrs. Adams to help me just this time.

My larger problem is, what shall I give Jonathon? Whatever I decide, it must be done quickly. I suppose I shall also have to send something to Longbourn.

**Thursday, December 4****th**

**Godfrey House**

I might have known Mrs. Adams would already have Boxing Day well in hand. We shall have baskets of food prepared for all the servants and then each servant will also receive a gift of money. Mrs. Adams suggested amounts for each and asked me if I could speak to Master Fret for his approval. Master Fret! I shall have no end of teasing him about that! He much prefers to be called Captain.

I will speak to the _Master_ about Mrs. Adams' suggestions, and then I shall also ask him about a gift for Mrs. Adams herself. I hope he will let me go to Newcastle on Monday with Mrs. Adams and Jenkins, or when shall I be able to buy a gift for him?

**Saturday, December 6****th**

**Godfrey House**

The house must be decorated for the holiday. I do not know why I did not think of this before but Mrs. Adams spoke of it today. This means that I shall have to decide what will go where and organize the servants to go out and get it all, and just when I am recovered from preparing and carrying out the dinner party. This has all become my responsibility as the lady of the house.

I do not see why I have to see to everything myself, one would think a decent staff would see to these things without being told. But I am apparently the only one who can tell the servants that they must hang holly and ivy in all the downstairs rooms, and collect mistletoe to hang in the hallway between the entry and dining room, and that they must go and find a yule log that will be large enough to burn all the season through. Mrs. Adams should never do it. And perhaps we should have one yule log for each of the fireplaces on the first floor, or perhaps not. Perhaps one will serve. I really do not know, but I do know that that it is too much for me to think about at such a time, and it is too much to expect any lady of the house to accomplish by herself in her first holiday season. But I never complain and I never shall.

And I have noticed today that I am getting so fat! If I stand in front of the looking glass and turn to the side my belly runs off one side of it while my backside falls off the other. My dresses are absolutely not hiding my condition in any way anymore, and the baby is making it harder to even sit down or stand up. And sometimes it feels as though the baby is punching me in the ribs, whenever it is not rolling head over heels inside me. Nobody knows what I suffer, nor can they ever.

Good Lord, I begin to sound like mama!

**Sunday, December 7****th**

**Godfrey House**

On the way back from services today Jonathon told me I am being too hard on the servants and on myself. He said that it is not like me to demand that Mrs. Adams make a map of the first floor and draw exactly where each decoration will be, with colored illustrations of each decoration. And he said I need not feel that the decorations must be absolutely perfect in order to enjoy the holiday. He said I must be reasonable. I told him it is not reasonable that women have the babies while men have no pain at all, and that he should be helping me in this, not criticizing me. Men never know how hard women have it, not even him. No man can. He looked at me as though I had gone quite mad. But I am not mad. The whole world is mad, and men are the worst of the lot.

**Monday, December 8****th**

**Godfrey House**

It is snowing too hard to go to Newcastle today. I am so disappointed I cried half the morning. I can barely stop crying now. If I do not get to Newcastle how shall I ever find a present for my husband for Christmas? It is coming on fast and we will have poor weather again and again. Jonathon is worried less about the weather and more about my state of mind and wants to call Dr. Arnold, but Mrs. Adams told him this is normal for an expectant mother. Since then he has been in the stable. He does not want to be anywhere near me. Clearly he holds no affection for me any more.

I do not know what Mrs. Adams is talking about. What does she mean to say is normal?

**Wednesday, December 10****th**

**Godfrey House**

My dear husband is a saint. I do not know why he chose to marry me or why he continues to live with me, when he could have found so many more agreeable ladies.

He had Dr. Arnold call on me yesterday even though I said there was no need, but Dr. Arnold says he had been planning to come anyway. He assured Jonathon that women with child are often given to strange emotional states and that he should try not to let it wear on him, that this will all be over soon. Jonathon kissed me then, right in front of the doctor, and I kissed him back. I would have kissed him again if Jonathon had not very gently put me aside. I am eager to be alone with him again.

We have spoken of names again for the child. I think if it is a boy it should definitely be named Jonathon, and if it is a girl we could call her Johanna. I want this child to be named for the best, kindest, and handsomest gentleman I have ever known, and that could only be my husband.

**Friday, December 12****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon said it is very sweet to think of naming the child for him, but we can make that decision when the time comes, he will not hold me to any statements I make now, while I am not entirely rational.

I am being rational! It is he who will not be rational!

I told him the child shall be George or Georgiana. He left the house and I have not seen him since.

**Friday, December 12th**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

For this, I have no strategy other than to pray that this child is born soon. I would it were born yesterday.

**Saturday, December 13****th**

**Godfrey House**

I felt yesterday as though I were being logical, but now I can see that I was wrong. I wish this child had been born yesterday, or tomorrow at the very latest. And yet there are still at least six weeks lacking of a birth date.

Mrs. Adams, Jenkins and I are going to Newcastle today. Jonathon and I could use a little time apart, and I shall finally be able to pick out Christmas gifts for him.

**Wednesday, December 17****th**

**Godfrey House**

I have had so much to do lately, and so little time to do it.

I bought Jonathon a new pair of riding gloves, and a book of military history. I think he will enjoy both, and perhaps he will forgive my latest outbursts towards him. My being with child is certainly not his fault, but he bears with me so well.

I received word from Kitty today that Jane and Elizabeth have both returned from their wedding tours. They are each going to make me an aunt sometime next summer. I cannot begin to think of myself as an Aunt Lydia or Aunt Fret one day, and the idea of being called mama seems almost as strange.

I also received a letter from mama. It is only my second letter from her since marrying. She says that she will come and stay with us during my confinement and for some time after the baby is born, so that she can be of assistance to me.

She does not want to help, she only wants to be the center of attention, just as she always has.

I started to write to her that the best way she can help me at such a time is by staying far, far away, but Jonathon saw the letter and forbade me sending it. He says I must be respectful to her, even though she is my mama. He said I must be careful to guard my words while I am in such emotional states, and I told him this is no state, it is what I actually think. He sighed and moved away. I believe he is almost as eager for this baby to be born as I am.

**Tuesday, December 23****rd**

**Godfrey House**

I wrote to mama today and told her that I would not on any account have her endanger herself by traveling these roads in winter, but we will be sure to let her know as soon as her grandson makes his appearance. Jonathon said it is a very good letter.

I have been very silly of late. With Mrs. Adams's help, I have finished most of the work of assembling the baskets. My presents have gone off to Longbourn, and Jonathon's presents are wrapped and ready to give to him. The house looks splendid with all of its decorations, and the yule log is at the kitchen entrance, ready to bring in. There was no need for me to be so anxious, and I had plenty of time to do what little was required of me. It is just as Jonathon said, all I have to do is relax and take pleasure in the holiday. We have been invited to three dinners next week alone, and I intend to enjoy each one.

**Tuesday, 23rd December**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

If I am to confront Robeson, I must first communicate to my wife why this step is necessary. I do not know if she will understand.

Hughbert Robeson was my closest friend when we were young, and there were few activities we did not share together. For a time we were as close as brothers, until we approached the age when we each began to move more into society.

A year or two before I first saw Amy, I gradually became aware of jealous tendencies in Robeson, though I did not understand their origin. He was quite my superior in fortune and connections. Yet he became increasingly resentful of any success I had, whether in education, friendship, or any other matter. And not of me only; these tendencies were shown towards others as well. Envy turned to resentment, and resentment then fed anger, for every happy occurrence in my life he seemed to take as a blow to his own peace of mind. For the sake of our friendship I sought to ignore, though not excuse, these inclinations when we were together, and to increasingly avoid his company when I could.

Robeson was not with me the day I first saw Amy, though he heard enough about her in the weeks and months following. No doubt he grew tired of hearing all her virtues and beauties rehearsed, for I was hard struck with both, and anxious to reach an age where courtship might be possible. In this matter, I thought my friend genuinely sympathized with me, for he showed not a trace of the envy I had come to lately associate with him. And yet resentful he must have been, to do what he did.

After securing an introduction to my angel, I was privileged to be admitted to her presence on a regular basis, and as our acquaintance grew, so did our mutual feelings of esteem and affection. In time these mutual feelings were discovered and shared with each other, and a plan was born. In six month's time my father would start me at the practice of law with a friend of his from his Oxford days, and I would be sure of a living that even the daughter of a baronet might not look down on. At the age of twenty I obtained the blessing of her father, who was insistent on every propriety being observed, and began a courtship.

I myself do not understand exactly what happened next. Explaining it to my wife will be difficult.

Amy was in Newcastle with her companion, a Mrs. Gibbs, who fell quite ill unexpectedly and had to be left in the care of her sister. Just at that time, Amy encountered Robeson, whom she had met through me, and he offered to escort her home in his carriage. Not wanting to lose any time in informing her father of Mrs. Gibbs' condition, and willing to trust any friend of mine, she accepted his offer. It was a fateful decision.

It was not until after her wedding that Amy confided in Rebecca. Something intimate had occurred in the carriage, something she could not share even with her own sister, and she had not been a willing participant. Robeson was forced to be honorable, though neither of them had any desire for marriage.

Six months later, having joined the army, I received word that Amy had passed from this world.

I married my wife because of Amy, but I began to love her because of herself. I do not know if she will believe me, but it is the truth.


	18. Chapter 18 - The Calm Before The Storm

**Saturday, December 27th**

**Godfrey House**

The servants have all returned from their Boxing Day holiday and the house is starting to have its usual activity again.

Jonathon and I were quite alone for a time yesterday after all the servants had accepted their gifts and gone home, and the house was quiet like I have never heard it before. But then the Spades arrived. Rebecca said she and Mr. Spade had arranged with Jonathon for them to spend the afternoon with us after they finished delivering boxes to the poor in the parish, and had Jonathon not told me? Jonathon said he had not wanted to raise my hopes of seeing Rebecca again, in case the weather or her condition prevented her from coming.

We had nothing prepared for guests and so Rebecca and I went to the kitchens to see what might be arranged quickly, but we were not there for long before our husbands followed us. They said they could not let us do all the work, but I think they were secretly afraid we might enjoy talking between the two of us too much and forget about them entirely. All four of us prepared a tray of cold meats, breads, and fruits and then sat down to eat it together.

Christmas day was almost as enjoyable. Due to the poor weather we did not attend services. I believe Jonathon thinks that if I slip and fall on a piece of ice somewhere this child might explode right out of me, but I only wish it could happen that easily. I would not mind at all. Instead we stayed at home and after the noon meal I opened my package from Longbourn. I found in it ribbons from Kitty, a new bonnet from Mary, a pair of slippers from mama, and a small satchel with needles and threads from papa, along with a seam ripper. I suppose that is his idea of a joke.

I cannot even put on the pair of slippers yet, my feet are so swollen. They will have to wait until the baby comes. If men were the ones to have babies, every family would have but one child!

Jonathon brought me a large satchel trimmed with a green ribbon and asked me to open it as his Christmas gift. In it was an assortment of every type of clothing a newborn might need, all in delicate colors. Day outfits, night time sleeping outfits, head coverings, little boots for his feet, heavier clothing for outdoors—they are all there. And there are blankets of all types—heavy ones for the cradle, lighter ones for when we are holding the child in our arms. I shall not need to sew a single thing now, at least not until the child is much older. I was quite overwhelmed and I went upstairs immediately to arrange the blankets in the cradle at once.

When I came back down Jonathon gave me a smaller package, carefully wrapped in paper. It was the christening gown that he and his brother wore when they were infants, trimmed in what must be yards and yards of lace. He said he will be pleased to have our son or daughter christened in this same gown. I cannot imagine standing in front of Mr. Spade, holding our child in this gown, knowing that this child was really not Jonathon's at all, but he is willing to claim it as his own.

Jonathon also gave me a pair of new kid gloves decorated with little pearls, saying that all the gifts cannot be for the baby, at least one must be for just me. They are the loveliest gloves I have ever seen.

I retrieved my package for him and watched as he unwrapped his new riding gloves, made with the finest leather I could find and lined with lamb's wool. He seemed well pleased and said they will help keep his hands warm when he is surveying the fields. He also seemed to like the book on military history. But he smiled most when he saw the kerchiefs I gave him, embroidered with an L and J together. He kissed each one before folding them carefully and saying he will keep one next to his heart at all times. He did not seem to mind the poor stitching at all.

**Tuesday, December 30th**

**Godfrey House**

We have been asked to engagements every night this week. I used to think so many engagements would be great fun, but right now just the thought is tiring. Rebecca, too, is feeling it. I believe that child might just slide right out of her. She looks and acts so uncomfortable that if she gets to February without having her baby first I think it will be a miracle that should be recorded in Holy Writ.

**Thursday, January 1st**

**New Year's Day**

**Godfrey House**

We were at the Spade's last night until just after supper, along with three other families. We would have liked to stay later and see in the New Year together but Rebecca was not feeling well and Jonathon said I should rest too. We did stay long enough to play several card games. Nobody would play whist against Jonathon and me together. Apparently the neighborhood believes we have a secret means of communicating with each other. We played commerce instead. It did not matter, I still enjoyed myself completely.

When we came home we sat in the drawing room, where the yule log has been burning, and waited until midnight. When the clock struck twelve Jonathon opened the front door and sent Mrs. Adams to open the kitchen door, so the old year could leave and the new year could come in. Then he pulled me under the mistletoe that is still hanging and kissed me thoroughly. Mrs. Adams would have been terribly embarrassed to see us.

I awoke this morning with Jonathon's arms around me, and his hand resting on top of where the baby is growing.

Of all the new year's in my memory, none has been better than this.

_Friday, January 2nd_

_The Hermitage_

_Fret,_

_My Rebecca has gone into labor earlier than expected, and it goes very hard with her. I would ask that you offer prayers for her right away. She is asking for your wife. I would be greatly indebted if you would allow Mrs. Fret to accompany my servant back to the parsonage to provide whatever relief she can. Dr. Arnold, too, says he could use a steady pair of hands to assist him. I promise to reward your charity by taking the greatest possible care of Lydia, and she will be returned to you as swiftly as possible. If you feel that she cannot be spared, I will understand, but please send word at once, whatever you decide._

_Spade_

**Saturday, January 3rd**

**Godfrey House**

I was at the parsonage most of the day yesterday, and did not return home until late this morning. I am so very fatigued, but I have seen and heard so much that sleep escapes me.

Rebecca was delivered of a son early this morning. She and the baby, Robert Layton Spade, are well, but Dr. Arnold says it was a very near thing. He had to do something to her to help the baby come out, or he said she and the baby would have –I cannot write it. I held her hand and tried to keep her calm as Dr. Arnold did what he had to do.

If Dr. Arnold has to do that to me I know I will never live to tell about it.

Rebecca was not quite in her right mind at times. Last night, just before Dr. Arnold cut her, she began to talk to me as if I were Amy. I tried to make her stop but she did not really hear me. Her words were not completely clear, but they were clear enough. I am sure Jonathon did not wish for me to hear any of it.

I think I have finally found out everything about Amy, but it does not relieve my questions, it only makes them worse. I have so many questions for Jonathon, but I cannot bring myself to ask a single one.

**Sunday, January 4th**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

Wife returned yesterday afternoon from the parsonage, having assisted Mrs. Rebecca Spade with the birth of her son, who is by all reports a fine, lusty child. Wife says she is in good health and that she has rested enough, but her smile does not reach her eyes, and she seems to avoid speaking to me. I have asked her repeatedly what the matter is, but she says that all is well. I do not believe her. Something unsettling may have happened at the Spade's. Perhaps the sight of such a difficult birth was disturbing, coming so close to her own confinement. I wish she could bring herself to speak of it to me.

_Tuesday, January 6th_

_The Hermitage_

_Fret,_

_Mrs. Spade has asked me to write to you and tell you that she desires your immediate attendance on a matter of great importance. Be at ease—we are all well. But she believes she may have unknowingly communicated mistaken information about her sister to your wife. She does not wish to be the cause of any misunderstandings, and feels that it is imperative that corrective actions be taken . Please come at once._

_Spade_

**Wednesday, January 7th**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

I have just been to The Hermitage, following an urgent request from Mr. and Mrs. Spade.

I have committed a serious tactical error. I intended to tell my wife the whole of my history with Amy and Robeson in my own time and way, preferably after the baby is born. She needs nothing else to occupy her mind at this time. Instead she has heard the story first from Mrs. Spade, in a way and manner that must have left mistaken impressions. I waited too long.

When I returned from The Hermitage, I found that wife has evaded my attentions by starting her lying-in. I am denied access to her room, which will become the nursery after the birth, and even our communication is to be restricted. Wife has a powerful ally in the form of Mrs. Adams, who defends the door and insists that I not enter the chamber until after the blessed event, which may be some weeks. She says that my wife is not to be disturbed in any way. Kicking down the door, as I did last July, is clearly not an option at this time.

**Thursday, January 8th**

**Godfrey House**

I had not planned on entering confinement so early, but it is the only thing to do in order to avoid speaking to Jonathon. Even he cannot get past Mrs. Adams and her notions of propriety, because either she or one of the maids will be with me at all times until after the baby comes, and all communication goes through her. It gives me time to think about what Rebecca said while she was speaking out of her mind.

It seems Amy and I are much more alike than I ever thought before. Did Jonathon only marry me because of her? If he thought of her then, how much does he think of her now?

After the baby comes, if it is a boy, Jonathon might not have any further need of me. He will have his heir and that will be all. If he married me to ease his own conscience over Amy, then I am sure he will have nothing to add on that score.

The Maggot used to say he loved me, but that turned out to be false, for he was only using me. Has Jonathon been doing the same thing? He has been much kinder than the Maggot could ever be, but in the end, was he any more truthful?

No, that is not reasonable. I am not being reasonable. I am not even being logical. Jonathon loves me, and I love him. I am sure Dr. Arnold would say that I am suffering from irregular emotions again. But I do not know what to think, and until I do, I cannot allow myself to speak with my husband, or him with me.

Mrs. Adams says that for an expectant mother, I am in a truly dejected mood. I wish I could disagree with her.


	19. Chapter 19 - Containment

_**Author's note: Thank you to all for your kind reviews and consistent feedback. I read each comment over and over. Your enjoyment is my greatest motivation to write this story to the best of my ability. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

_Thursday, 8__th__ January_

_Godfrey House_

_My dear Lydia,_

_I have spoken to Mrs. Spade and believe I understand your motivation for retreating to the safety of confinement. Your fears are needless. If you grant me the favor of open communication, I believe you will be satisfied completely by my explanation, but Mrs. Adams will permit only the briefest of notes. Pray tell her to relax your restrictions at once. _

_I am your loving husband,_

_Jonathon_

**Friday, 9****th**** January**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

Stalemate: I have waited a day for wife to open a line of communication but none has appeared. No forward movement has occurred. Drastic action is called for.

Strategy: Infiltration, Advance, and Breakthrough

**Saturday, January 10****th**

**Godfrey House**

I might have known my husband would find a way to get around Mrs. Adams, since he enjoys strategies so much. I found a letter from him wrapped inside the napkin that came with my breakfast tray yesterday.

_Friday, 9__th__ January_

_Godfrey House_

_My dearest Lydia,_

_I believe you are aware that on Wednesday, two days ago, I spoke with Mrs. Spade regarding her communications with you on the night of her great distress. I suspected at once the effect that these revelations might have on your state of mind, and your immediate retreat into the safety of confinement, without speaking to me first, confirmed my suspicions._

_My love, do you believe that I only see Amy when I look at you? Do you imagine that all my declarations of affection have been made with someone else in mind, and that I have no feelings for you as yourself? Do you feel that you must live forever with a person you have never met? If these are your thoughts I cannot blame you, but you are mistaken a thousand times over._

_I am a man of action, not words. A musket or bayonet lies in my hand much more easily than a pen. But a pen is the only weapon now available to pierce your defenses, and so I must use words, these clumsy words, to convince you of my ardent devotion to you and you alone._

_It is true that when Colonel Fitzwilliam first approached me last May to tell me of your situation, I thought more of Amy than anything else. I could hardly help doing so. The passage of eight years had dulled, but not removed, the guilt I felt at my own inaction, my unwitting condemnation of what I believed to be her free choice, and my inability to save her from a loathsome fate. When I heard of your circumstances, it seemed only right, only fitting, that I should do for you what I was never able to do for her, and that I do it in the neighborhood where my failure played out. Your dowry was also an inducement—I shall not deny it. But of greater import was the fact that I could not in good conscience allow another person to be shackled forever to the one responsible for their downfall, when I had the power to prevent it. The duty of the strong is ever to protect the weak._

_I need not remind you of the difficult first days of our marriage. You tried my patience in many ways, and I had yet to learn to be a husband first and a soldier second. But your headlong, impetuous nature, under proper direction, became a determination to master the skills you had never been taught, and stubborn pride became a drive to exceed every expectation others had of you. You showed a courage I have rarely seen in any person. I found that I could only respect these traits. Respect turned to admiration, admiration turned to anxious regard, and anxious regard began to grow into something more._

_The first time you called upon Mrs. Spade at the parsonage and I arrived to take you home, I found both of you walking by the graveyard, passing very close by Amy's grave. Seeing her grave, I realized suddenly that I had not thought of her at all in several weeks, but only of you. Indeed, my only thought in arriving to retrieve you had been whether you would smile when you saw me. From then on I began to hope that over time, you might come to be content at the thought of living with me as my wife, that perhaps I could persuade you to want to stay with me rather than flee at your first opportunity._

_When the general sickness came in October, you nursed me with great tenderness, and I did my best to return the favor when you became sick in your turn. You have never spoken of the evening your fever broke, when you began to shake uncontrollably and I held you in my arms all night. I am sure you do not recall it. But that night I could no longer deny that the feelings I had for you went far beyond casual affection, and that my heart was entirely in your keeping._

_I then had an anxious time trying to determine if you might possibly return any portion of my sentiments, struggling to show you the turn in my feelings without overwhelming you in the process. Fortunately, I had not long to wait before you were able to demonstrate your feelings in an unmistakable manner._

_Your child, too, has become very dear to me. Though he is not of my body, he—or she—will still be the child of my heart._

_This is in every respect a faithful history of my relationship with you, madam, and I have nothing to add to it. Though our marriage may have begun as a way for us both to escape our past, I hope that reading this letter may completely reassure you, my lovely wife, that my affections and desires are all for you. _

_I ask you, my sweet, to consider these words carefully and treasure them most tenderly, for they are truthful in every detail. I do not expect to see you again until you have delivered our child, for Mrs. Adams takes her duties with immense seriousness. But I believe that your ingenuity and resolve are enough to overcome even her sense of propriety, and that you will find a way to let me know that you still believe me to be_

_Your most devoted husband,_

_Jonathon_

I had to hide the letter almost as soon as I finished reading it, because Mrs. Adams came to the door and I did not wish for her to see it. As she entered, little Reste ran in front of her and jumped up on my bed, barking wildly, and Mrs. Adams scolded her, apologized to me, and said that Reste has never lived up to her name.

I asked, what do you mean about her name, for Jonathon has never told me why he insisted on naming her that. Mrs. Adams answered that the word reste is French, and it means to rest or stay, but it does her precious little good for the puppy will go wherever she will. She said that no doubt Captain Fret meant it as a joke.

I could not answer her, for I suddenly realized what Jonathon meant. He gave me puppy in August, but he did not name her until the middle of September. He was trying to tell me, even then, that he did not want me to go away, that he wanted me to stay.

Poor Mrs. Adams is utterly scandalized now, for I stood at once and demanded to know exactly where my husband was. When she told me he was in the library, I moved in that direction as quickly as I could, completely ignoring her protests, and did not stop until I had gone down all the stairs, into the library, and straight to where he was. I must have looked a fright in my housedress, with my hair undone and my great big belly larger than ever before, but I did not care. I only wanted to see my husband again. He stood when I opened the library door and met me halfway across the room, and we stood for several minutes with his arms around me, kissing me until I could not breathe.

We have agreed that this part of our history is behind us, and it is the last time we shall ever mention the days when we did not care for each other. That will not be hard at all to do, for I can barely remember such a time now myself. And Jonathon said that if I ever doubt his feelings for me again, I am to come to him directly so that he can persuade me of them again in every way possible.

_**Monday, January 12**__**th**_

_**Godfrey House**_

_Dear Rebecca,_

_I was so relieved when Mr. Spade said yesterday in services that you are making a good recovery. You have no idea what a scare we all had that horrid night when Robert was trying to come out. Please send word when you are able to receive visitors, I should very much like to see you again._

_I thought babies were slimy and ugly when they are born but little Robert was not like that at all. He seemed to look up right at me and know who I was immediately, and I swear he tried to smile! Clearly, he takes after his mother in this! I do hope my child is just as clever when he is born. _

_You should not feel badly about what you said when you were so spent and out of your mind. You could not help what you said, and I have heard that women in labor say many strange things. Besides, it has worked out well, for Jonathon finally told me everything about Amy and I understand it all now. Now that you know I know all about her, maybe you will not feel so badly if her name comes up again sometimes. _

_I want so much to come and see you and little Robert again, but Jonathon thinks it is best if I stay indoors from now on, because there was so much ice on the ground yesterday. Although, he says quite emphatically that I am not to enter confinement again until I actually go into labor. In fact I think he is determined to stay with me right up until the baby comes out! I will have to tell you all about it when we next see each other. _

_I am your impatient friend,_

_Lydia Fret_

_N.B. Mrs. Adams swears she was never a candidate for Bedlam until she started working at Godfrey House, and she will not be responsible if I insist upon ending my lying-in before it has properly begun. I cannot wait to tell you all about that, too._


	20. Chapter 20 - Find, Fix and Finish

_**Author's note: As always, thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! Reading your reviews is the highlight of my day, and I appreciate all the feedback! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

**Thursday, January 15th**

**Godfrey House**

Another package came from Longbourn today, along with a note from Mary. It seems that Jane and Elizabeth did remember me for Christmas, but they did not know my direction and so they sent their things to Longbourn to be forwarded to me. As usual I was Lydia, the Last and the Least. But Mary finally remembered the packages, or else came upon them unexpectedly, and sent them on to me.

Elizabeth sent a rose colored silk scarf, with a texture I have never seen before and an intricate design embroidered on the ends. It must have been very dear, but I suppose she does not worry about things like that any more. She can afford anything she wants as long as Mr. Darcy dotes on her. Mary says that she and Kitty also received similar scarves.

Jane sent me a new bonnet, made in Paris. It is really the most hideous thing ever, but Jane has never been able to see the bad in anything.

**Saturday, January 17th**

**Godfrey House**

Another day of very little to do. Jonathon has gone to town. I wish I could go with him but my condition will not allow such a long trip. I would like to go almost anywhere, even to services, but Jonathon thinks I should not attempt it. I wish we had one of those pulley machines that knights in the old days used to be lifted up on their horses. Jonathon has told me all about them. He laughed when I said it would be very practical for women with child. If he were the one carrying this child, I am certain he would want to use it.

**Monday, January 19th**

**Godfrey House**

It is a sunny, brisk day outside, with no clouds at all and much warmer than it has been lately. At least I think it is much warmer, but since I have not been out I can only guess. Reste is quite pining for me to take her for a walk. Jonathon says he may take me out in the carriage tomorrow or Thursday if his schedule permits, and if the weather stays fair. He says that waiting for a baby to be born seems to make women very impatient and he cannot wait for the birth to take place. Hah! _He_ cannot wait! He is not even carrying the child! Last night, when the baby was kicking the inside of me so that I could not sleep, I pushed hard several times on Jonathon's belly so that he can see what this feels like. He is not so easily amused when it is his own sleep being disturbed.

**Thursday, January 22nd **

**Godfrey House**

It is raining a cold, hard rain today so a carriage ride is out of the question. I am spending the day sorting through ribbons and shoe roses, because Jonathon bought some of each for me while he was in town again yesterday and now there are too many to keep in the drawer. It is an easy job to do while seated. He has been somewhat distracted all this week, but more so than ever today. He must have a great many business matters pressing just now. There have been a series of private messengers going back and forth out of the library much of today.

**Friday, January 23rd**

**Godfrey House**

I have won my first game of chess! We were playing the same game for two weeks until last night, when, after a monstrous amount of thought and planning, I was able to rook his knight, move my queen forward, and finally say Checkmate. His king had nowhere to go. I had laid my trap carefully, and he walked right into it! It was a great feeling of triumph for me, to beat my husband for the first time ever at his own game. He smiled briefly and congratulated me. Then he excused himself and went to his study. When I looked in on him he had taken down his sword, the one that he hangs on the wall when he is not wearing it, and was polishing it fiercely. There was no need, it was already in excellent condition. Perhaps Jonathon has a harder time admitting defeat than I had thought.

I asked him if he could take me on a carriage ride tomorrow as a reward for my victory, and he simply answered, We shall see how it goes.

**Saturday, 24th January**

**Godfrey House**

There is a mystery in Godfrey House today, and I am purposely left out of it.

Jonathon rose well before dawn this morning and when I asked him why he said he has business that has come up and may not be delayed. He told me to sleep as much as I could, that I could use the rest. I asked about a carriage ride later and he said perhaps and then disappeared.

I would have obeyed him gladly, for I have been rather more tired than usual lately. The baby is so big, it is sometimes hard even to catch my breath. Instead I lay awake until I heard the steps of his horse, that awful Major, going past my window, but it was not just Major's steps. I heard several horses pass by, I am sure of it, and when I went to the window I saw at least four blurry shapes moving away from Godfrey House. Between the dark and the fog I could not make out any more than that, except to see Jenkins closing the barn door.

It is far too early for social calls, and what urgent business requires him leaving before dawn on a foggy Saturday morning without telling me about it?

I also saw that his red regimental coat, the one he wore when we were married, is not hanging in his closet, where I see it every morning. The red is so bright that it always draws my attention. But Jonathon was not wearing it when he kissed me goodbye.

Something is happening right now, and I am determined to find out what it might be.

**Sunday, January 25th**

**Godfrey House**

Yesterday, after Jonathon left, I simply could not sleep any more for wondering what might be happening, so I took up Jane's bonnet while I waited for him to return. I thought I would try my hand at trimming it with a new color ribbon to make it a little less hideous. For this, the light is better in the study than anywhere else in the house and I went there to sit down and wait. But as soon as I entered I saw immediately that Jonathon's sword, the one he was polishing so fiercely the other night, was not hanging in its usual spot.

Jonathon only wears that sword with his regimentals, and his red coat was not in our room. The only reason both those items would be missing at the same time would be if Jonathon were wearing them together. What could possibly require his red coat, his sword, and a meeting at dawn?

It was the early hour of the meeting that gave it away. Suddenly I knew why Jonathon was distracted this week, and why there have been so many private communications back and forth.

I gathered my wraps and moved to the front door, intending to call for the carriage and for Jenkins, but Mrs. Adams would not let me leave. She told me Jonathon had told her I should stay inside completely today and she would not move out of my way. She ushered me back into the study and shut the door quite firmly, and then she pushed an envelope underneath it.

_My dearest Lydia,_

_If you are reading this letter then you have attempted to leave the house, and Mrs. Adams has informed you that my wish is for you to stay inside today. I am not commanding you but asking you this time. It is for your own safety, in a matter which I may not yet communicate to you. And please, do not be angry with Mrs. Adams. She is only following my orders. God willing, I will be back at your side shortly, and all will be explained then._

_Lovingly,_

_Jonathon_

Staying inside was impossible while Jonathon might be in danger. And Mrs. Adams means well but she has never done battle with Lydia Fret!

The windows in that room are low to the ground and thanks to Jonathon's many repairs, they open easily. It was awkward to climb out with my large belly but it was much easier than the last time I did it, back in London. At least this time I was not on a roof!

In the barn Jenkins blocked my path when he saw me preparing to saddle a horse, telling me he could not allow me to behave so recklessly or he would answer to Captain Fret. I told him that he would have to lay hands on me if he wished to stop me from going to my husband, and did he really dare to lay hands on a woman with child? He looked horrified at the very thought. When he did not move I pushed a saddle into his hands and told him to wear it himself or get out of my way, but I would not stand there all day, and the least he could do was to help me. He finally said that I cannot ride a horse in my condition and he would take me where I needed to go. I think he was afraid of what I might do otherwise, and well he should! I am not a soldier's wife for nothing.

He put the horse to the carriage instead and helped me in, muttering the whole time about what the captain might say to him for this and how improper it was, but I told him the proprieties do not matter to me and to make haste. All that mattered was seeing my husband.

After some minutes in the carriage we arrived in a heavily wooded area. I am glad I made Jenkins come with me. I had thought to follow the prints left in the mud earlier, but he knew exactly where to go and I am sure he made better time than I could have done alone. He stopped the carriage and said we would have to go closer on foot now, and for heaven's sake to please be quiet, and then helped me out of the carriage. As I stepped out, I could hear Mr. Spade's voice, of all people, speaking earnestly.

We moved closer, stepping behind trees and such, and I finally saw my husband and Mr. Robeson facing each other in a clearing, swords in hand, with a score of men around them. Their seconds must have already inspected the weapons. It appeared that Mr. Spade was actually serving as Jonathon's second! I cannot imagine a parson serving as a second in a duel but there he was, holding Jonathon's red coat. I could just make out another carriage on the other side of the clearing, and I assumed that was to carry off the loser in whatever state he might be. I hoped it would not be Jonathon.

While I was thinking all of this Jonathon and Mr. Robeson lunged at each other and I heard the sound of steel against steel clearly. It would have been hard to miss, for everything else fell completely silent. The other onlookers and I and even the very trees themselves seemed to be holding their breath and watching as the two men circled carefully around each other and then attacked again.

It went on for several long minutes. I have never seen a duel before. Papa would never let me go to one, nor is it considered proper for women to be present. Still, I have heard of them many times, and I have seen enough swordplay between gentlemen now and then to make me think that Jonathon was having the better time of it. It was all so fast, a thrust here and a parry there, and then quick steps back and forth, but he was gradually forcing Mr. Robeson back and back and Robeson's face began to change from a sneer into something desperate. Jonathon's lips were in a straight line and he showed no expression at all. He might have been watching rain falling for all the emotion he displayed.

Just then Jonathon's leading foot, sliding forward, slipped on wet leaves and he lost his balance for a moment. Mr. Robeson took his opportunity and lunged forward and past him, and I saw a bright red line appear on Jonathon's right arm, against the white of his shirtsleeve. Everyone gasped. But before I could even be afraid for him, Jonathon had spun around in the opposite direction and brought his sword directly up under Robeson's chin. Robeson's sword flew out of his hand, and Jonathon's sword stopped just before it would have cut him.

Jonathon made that awful man kneel down on the ground and I wondered what would happen next, because Jonathon was breathing hard, and his face suddenly looked fierce and angry. I swear I thought he might run the sword straight through him! For a moment Jonathon glared down at him, without speaking, but then he looked at Mr. Spade and nodded once, and Mr. Spade went to the other carriage and opened it and helped Rebecca get out of it and come stand beside my husband.

This whole time Jenkins and I had not moved. We just stood and watched, and I could barely breathe. I do not think that any of us watching could.

Rebecca came and stood in front of Mr. Robeson, with Mr. Spade holding her arm for support, and Jonathon ordered Robeson to confess and beg forgiveness. And Robeson did! He did not speak loudly, but I could hear every word he said. He said that he had forcibly compromised Amy Pierce and taken away her choice of who to marry, and that he had never behaved towards her as a gentleman ought. He begged Rebecca's pardon for injuring her sister and then, when Jonathon nudged him again with the sword, he declared that he had no honor.

I heard a kind of murmur from all the onlookers when he said that last part. There is much about gentlemen that I do not understand, but even I know that no gentleman can live without his honor. A true gentleman would rather die than have to admit that he has none.

At that moment Mr. Frank, the magistrate, suddenly came out from behind several of the other men and said that is enough, and he moved towards Jonathon and Mr. Robeson.

I thought then that he was going to arrest them both for dueling and I could not let that happen. I simply could not. I could not help myself. I stepped forward quickly and called out, Do not touch my husband! If you take him then you will have to take me too!

Everyone suddenly turned and looked at me, but I did not stop moving forward, even with Jenkins trying to hold me back. I had to get to Jonathon. Jonathon turned and stared at me and I could not make out his expression. Was he angry at me or amazed that I was there? It did not matter because just then a sharp pain went down the inside of one of my legs and I suddenly knew that I could not take another step.

By the time I started to fall Jonathon had reached me, and he made me take hold of his shoulders for support. Jenkins was apologizing to him over and over but I do not think he heard a word. He gave Jenkins his sword and picked me up, then said something to Mr. Frank that I could not make out and took me back to our carriage. I did not even get to see what happened to Mr. Robeson, but it did not matter as long as Jonathon was safe.

In the carriage I thought he might be angry with me but he only asked what was I thinking, going against his wishes and putting myself in such danger. I answered him that I may have married a soldier but he married a soldier's wife, and would he do any differently in my place? I could not stay home while he was in danger. He could only shake his head, but at least he did not scold me, and he did kiss me.

Once Dr. Arnold arrived at Godfrey and examined me, he said that I am well and no harm was done. The baby is sitting on a nerve, nothing more, but he thinks this child will come sooner rather than later. Until then, I am to remain in bed as much as possible. And Jonathon says this is one instruction I _will_ follow, whether I want to or not.

**Monday, 26th January**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain**

**Godfrey House**

Status report: The enemy has been vanquished, victory is mine, and justice has finally been served.

Robeson was spoiling for a fight ever since last fall, when he became aware that I had entered the country once again. He knew that Amy had never held any affection for him but he chose to blame that on me, and when he made certain accusations against me in town last week, I responded as a gentleman must.

Mr. Frank assures me that Robeson will stand trial at the next assizes but it is not known how much influence his family may use to protect him. However, even his family cannot save him from the confession he made while kneeling, in full hearing of the other gentlemen in this area. Regardless of what happens at his trial, he is now a cast off from society, and I do not expect to see him again in this country.

I have explained to my wife that she has nothing to fear. I had informed Mr. Frank of the duel ahead of time and ensured that he would view it as a private matter between gentlemen. His only role was to hear the confession which I had planned to force from Robeson and to pursue that at law. There will be no charges against me or anyone else involved. Her concern is very touching.

My wife has again surprised me with her courage and determination. Her actions were rash and foolish, but they came from a heart more concerned about someone else than about herself, and although I cannot condone her complete disregard for propriety I cannot totally condemn it either. Lydia has never spoken words of affection to me directly. In this case, I believe her actions spoke louder than her words ever could, and they were very sweet to me.

I am now free to concentrate entirely on the imminent addition to our family.

_**Author's note: OK, I promise, that's all about Amy. Justice had to be served! For those of you anxiously awaiting the baby, your patience is about to be rewarded! Feel free to comment on whether you want a boy or a girl, or whatever names you might suggest. (That's all decided already, but it's fun to read what you're thinking!)**_


	21. Chapter 21 - Endgame

_**A fun and easy chapter to write. I've been waiting for this one for a long time! Hope you enjoy.**_

**Tuesday, January 27****th**

**Godfrey House**

Mrs. Adams has given her resignation and left. She says that this is the most irregular household she has ever worked in and that her heart almost stopped when she realized how I had left the library. She does not want to be held responsible for a mistress that does not follow conventional behavior.

I am very sorry that she is gone, but I can manage Godfrey House quite well on my own now with all the skills I have learned. Her assistance would be useful but truly, the house goes so smoothly, it almost runs itself.

_Wednesday, January 28th_

_Godfrey House_

_Dear Mrs. Adams,_

_It was very wrong of me to make you worry so by leaving the way I did. I am hopeful that your heart has recovered from its shock by now. I wish you might reconsider and come back to Godfrey. _

_Sincerely,_

_Mrs. Lydia Fret_

_N.B. Am I really the most scandalous mistress you have ever worked for?_

_Thursday, January 29__th_

_Godfrey House,_

_Dear Mrs. Adams,_

_Please come back, I am quite desperate. The maids argue amongst themselves constantly. I cannot make them stop and no work is accomplished. Dinner was over an hour late last night because I could not be in the kitchens to direct preparations. Please tell me, whose responsibility it is to take in the laundry? Captain Fret says most of it is still hanging outside to dry since yesterday._

_Sincerely,_

_Mrs. Lydia Fret_

_N.B. I have also apologized to Jenkins._

_N.B. Captain Fret has promised a handsome bonus if you decide to return._

**Saturday, January 31****st**

**Godfrey House**

Dr. Arnold thinks my time is almost upon me, and told me not to be afraid. He said that in his experience it is the lively young women who have the easiest time with giving birth, and from what he has heard in the neighborhood, I am very lively indeed. He said that anyone who can march into the middle of a duel, take a gentleman's pistol from his hand, and make him apologize on bended knee should not fear giving birth! I did not know whether to be amused or horrified, but it is a very entertaining story.

The pages of this journal are almost full, and I have been reading through it all again, from the earliest entry until now. I am quite ashamed now to read my thoughts and feelings when I first met Jonathon for I can see now that he was never a Toad, that I was a Toad to him all along, and yet he dealt with me so kindly. No, I was not a Toad, I was a foolish girl for believing the Maggot and an idiot for fighting against Jonathon so much at first. And then I was rather silly again for chasing Jonathon into the woods when he had a duel, thinking I could somehow protect him when he never needed my help at all. Perhaps I will always be nothing more than a foolish girl.

I told Jonathon all this but he smiled and said we are all fools for love sooner or later. He smiled at me so beautifully and his words were so sweet that I became quite weepy. I have noticed that almost anything can make me start weeping these days, but Mrs. Adams says that is to be expected in my condition.

It is such a relief that Mrs. Adams came back, and I cannot blame her at all for wanting to leave. It is true that sometimes I am very difficult to manage, but with her help perhaps I can learn not to be quite so scandalous at times.

**Sunday, February 1****st**

**Godfrey House**

We have reached February at last. Dr. Arnold said yesterday that all is well, I just have to be patient. What does he know of patience? What does any man know of patience? There is nothing that calls for more patience than lying useless, waiting for a baby to be born. I said this to Mrs. Adams and she said that certainly Captain Fret is an exceptionally patient man, and then she gave me a pattern of lace to make for my amusement. She is right, of course, and I am trying very hard not to complain too much around him.

He is anxious about the baby too. He asks almost every day if I am well and if I have felt any pains. He also told me that Dr. Arnold believes that a laboring mother is much relieved by having her husband at her side during the worst parts, if I do not object. The very thought of him being there to support me made me weepy again.

**Tuesday, February 3****rd**

**Godfrey House**

I do not think these are pains exactly, but they are peculiar. My belly sometimes feels as though I have a corset around it, being slowly tightened and then let go. They come every few hours and then go away, and I do not feel any the worse for them. Perhaps giving birth will not be so hard as I thought.

We really ought to have names chosen by now. Jonathon and I talked about it last night but we could not come to any agreement. If it is a boy I will not allow any name that might remind me of Maggot, but naming our son Jonathon would not be right either. A man should have his own son named after him, no matter how Jonathon will love this child. Jonathon finally suggested Edward, in honor of Colonel Fitzwilliam, for without him we would not have married. I suppose that is as good a reason as any.

I told him that if we should name a boy Edward then we should name a girl Amy, for she also had a hand in our marriage, but he said that cannot be, now that all the gentlemen in this neighborhood know of his connection to her. It might create talk. And anyway her name was actually Amelia, the same as my aunt Gardiner. He said we will think of something if we have to.

**Wednesday, February 4****th**

**Godfrey House**

These tightenings around my belly have become more regular, and one that came a little while ago almost took my breath away. I wonder if this child is planning on arriving tonight.

_Thursday, 5__th__ February_

_Godfrey House_

_By Special Messenger_

_Dear Mr. Bennet,_

_It is with the greatest of pleasure that I announce the birth of your granddaughter at half past noon earlier today. Mother and child are both well. Pray pass this news on to Pemberley and Netherfield. More details to follow by regular post._

_Yours, etc., etc.,_

_Captain Jonathon Fret_

**Friday, February 6****th**

**Godfrey House**

My pains began in earnest sometime during the late night hours on Wednesday and Dr. Arnold was called around eight in the morning. I do not recall much of what happened next because the pain became much worse right about that time. I do remember that the first time I pushed, Jonathon fainted dead away, and Dr. Arnold and Mrs. Adams had to take him out of the room then and let Jenkins tend to him. He was no use to me at all. He apologized many times but I could not blame him. This is women's work.

Our daughter is perfect in every detail, with the softest skin I have ever felt and enormous eyes that looked straight up at me the first time I held her. It was unbearably sweet when I put my finger against her palm, as Mrs. Adams urged me to do, and felt her tiny fingers curl around mine. I do not think she looks like anyone in particular but Jonathon said he could tell at once that she is my child.

Dr. Arnold says it was a fairly easy birth, for being my firstborn. If that is true, then this child may very well be an only child!

After she came out and we had both been made presentable, Mrs. Adams brought Jonathon in and he held her for the first time. He is a very proud papa and has already sent a letter to Longbourn.

Jonathon insisted on the name Lydia for her, and then I wanted to call her Lydia Amelia Rose Caroline Jewel Fret, but Jonathon said that name is longer than the child is. He said she should have a name she will be able to write before she leaves the school room one day. I told him that no child of mine shall ever be made to feel as if she is the last and the least, but I finally agreed to just two middle names. Lydia Amelia Rose Fret sounds well and shall not take all day to write, as Jonathon said.

**Sunday, February 8****th**

**Godfrey House**

When I woke this morning, Jonathon was sitting in the chair next to my bed, and I saw at once that he had Liddie in his arms. He was speaking some little nonsense to her and pretending that she could understand and answer, and he did not know that I was awake and listening to him. He told her that she looks just like her beautiful mama, that she shall never have reason to fear or want, and that he will cherish her forever just as he cherishes me. My heart melted a little bit and I said out loud, I love you Fret.

I have never said that to him before, though I often think it. He looked surprised and then very, very pleased. He asked me to say it again but to call him Jonathon this time. I was a little embarrassed, but I did so, and when I did he carefully put Liddie in her cradle and then leaned down and kissed me.

I shall always remember that kiss. It was the most beautiful kiss I have ever received from anyone and I did not want it to ever end. But it did end, because Mrs. Adams came in before we could separate, and she put a breakfast tray on the table and left without saying a word. I thought she might be completely scandalized again, but she was actually smiling a little as she went out. I hope she will eventually become accustomed to odd behavior at Godfrey House, if she does not resign again first.

_**Author's Note: I'm glad I had already decided on a girl, because judging by your comments I might not have lived to tell about it if Lydia had had a boy. **_

_**Relax, there's one more chapter coming! **_


	22. Chapter 22 - Peacetime Status

_**AN: Thank you so much for your lovely feedback on the previous chapter. I hope you enjoy this one as well. Yes, this is the last chapter, but there is still an epilogue to come. Please do comment for me!**_

**Sunday, 8****th**** February**

**Field Journal of Jonathon Fret, Captain and New Father**

**Godfrey House**

Status Update

Operation Enfant: Operation has been safely completed, and all objectives have been reached successfully.

Lydia Amelia Rose Fret has the entire household at her beck and call. We are all captive to her whims and have no desire for freedom. Wife has proven to be a devoted mother, rising to this challenge as she rises to every other. I can only admire her courage under fire, and wish she could admire mine.

Only one more step is now required in order to fulfill my marriage contract. Fortunately I believe it will be only a matter of form. The outcome is already apparent.

I believe and pray that Liddie is only the first of many children who will bless our home.

**Thursday, February 12****th**

**Godfrey House**

Liddie is just one week old today. I do believe she is more beautiful now than when she was born, if that is possible.

Mama wants to come and see Liddie as soon as possible, and says she means to help me in my recovery. She is quite silly. I feel almost recovered already, except for being tired, and that has nothing to do with the birth, it is because Liddie keeps irregular hours at night and I cannot bear to leave her completely to the wet nurse.

**Thursday, February 26****th**

**Godfrey House**

I have not been able to write in this journal for two weeks. Liddie keeps me so busy, I hardly have time to turn around. I never knew what a great deal of work children could be, I always thought they slept most of the time.

Liddie is three weeks old today, and she has just smiled at me for the first time. Mrs. Adams says it is probably just gas but I told her that Liddie is a remarkably clever child, certainly the most clever in all of Newcastle. Being my child and Jonathon's, she would not dare to be anything less.

**Sunday, March 8****th**

**Godfrey House**

A French invasion could not be worse than my mama at Godfrey House.

She arrived yesterday and is driving the staff wild with her constant demands and her unceasing advice about the baby. She cannot believe that anyone knows how to care for an infant as well as she but she does not actually do anything with Liddie, she merely tells everyone who will listen how much care she took with her own children. And that is in her good moments! In her bad moments she complains that Liddie's crying grates on her nerves, even if Liddie is on the other end of the house, and she commands Mrs. Adams and the maids to bring her a poultice and a restorative at once. I declare she is more of a baby than her own granddaughter is!

**Friday, March 13****th**

**Godfrey House**

So far mama has told me three times to summon Dr. Arnold so that he can examine her. She wants him to make a healing elixir for her throat, or perhaps for her head, I do not remember which, and a powder for the agitation of her nerves. Nothing matters but her own comfort. It is no more than what she has always done, seeking as much attention as possible, but I have responsibilities now, and nobody here has time to make her feel so terribly important.

Jonathon has been out of the house all day, every day this week. I do not know where he is going every day but I dearly wish the baby and I could go with him. He says that mama is _my_ mother and _I_ am the one who must devise a strategy to deal with her, although he will support whatever I decide. Hah! Clearly he does not know some of the plots in my mind. He said perhaps I should think of dealing with her as playing chess, and then he left the house again. I was rather put out with him.

I have been sitting here with Liddie for the past half hour, trying to think what he means by playing chess.

**Monday, March 16****th**

**Godfrey House**

Peace at last.

Jonathon told me to think about chess, and I thought carefully about the strategies he taught me in that game, until I recalled that in chess one must always seek to control the center.

This is my house, I thought, and mama does not control it. Or at least she should not. Nobody here will wait on her, hand and foot. She must not be allowed to be the center of attention.

I instructed the servants to take no more trays to mama's room, and I removed the bell from her room. If she wants to speak to the servants, she must go find one for herself. If she wants to eat, she may join the family at the table. The servants were told that any request of Mrs. Bennet's, even for a glass of water, must go through me, and there are times that I make myself rather scarce, so that mama tires of waiting and has to do things for herself. And I gave mama earplugs to use if Lyddie cries. She rarely uses them, though, because if she wears earplugs then she cannot speak with anyone, and she dearly loves to talk.

I have not been unkind, just firm. Still, Mama was not pleased at first. But when she went to the kitchens to get her own glass of water she started speaking with Cook, who is about her age, and now they are old friends. And several times I have brought Liddie to mama while Liddie is awake, before she cries, so that mama can enjoy her without earplugs. She actually does enjoy holding her when she is quiet. When mama comes to the table to eat she still talks without end, but at least the meals are short, and since we know we will have a rapid escape, we can bear her chatter much better.

Mama may never be a completely sensible woman but it matters not so long as I know I need not cater to her silliness. Jonathon says I am a miracle worker and I told him I did not marry a soldier for nothing.

Mama is leaving tomorrow. She says that it is obvious I need no assistance and that I run the strictest household she has ever seen.

**Friday, May 15****th**

**Godfrey House**

I have almost forgotten to write in this journal. Each day is so taken up with Liddie, I have no time for almost anything else besides the regular household demands. In the late mornings Rebecca and I sometimes go out with the children to a place where the older ones can play and we can sit and watch and take care of our infants. But I make sure to be home by tea each day so that I can see Jonathon while Liddie naps, and our evenings are spent mostly at home. We still play chess or read books, but Liddie is likely to interrupt us as often as not.

I believe that Jonathon will soon want a child of his own, no matter how much he loves Liddie.

**Sunday, June 28****th**

**Godfrey House**

We have been married for one year today. Jonathon gave me a new comb for my hair as an anniversary gift, and I gave him a new chess set.

Then Jonathon told me something peculiar about our marriage contract. He said that he was obligated, now, to let me know that if I want to leave him I may. I looked at him as if he had lost his mind, but he said that our marriage contract has an addition to it which states that after I live with Jonathon for one year, I am to be given the freedom to return to Longbourn if I so desire. He refused to tell me whose idea it was. Hah! It is a very good thing I did not know about it before, or I might have simply decided to bide my time and leave as soon as the first year was up!

Even Liddie laughed out loud while he told me about all this, as if she understood how unnecessary such a provision is now. I asked to see the additional page and when he gave it to me I tore it up. Then I picked up Liddie and the three of us went for a carriage ride with Reste.

**Saturday, August 15****th**

**Godfrey House**

I am with child again. This child will be born in March or April if Dr. Arnold is correct, and I believe he is, because all my symptoms from before are present again, only much worse. Mrs. Adams says that if I had nursed Liddie myself more, this might not have happened just yet. Women who nurse their own children do not increase nearly as readily as those who do not. I asked why she could not have informed me of that _before_ I found myself in this condition again!

But Jonathon is as pleased as I have ever seen him. He says he is happy that Liddie will have a sibling so close to her age. I am sure he would like a boy this time, though he has not said so. And he is besotted with Liddie. He likes to carry her about the house, against his shoulder, so that she can sit up and see the world for herself, and he is already talking about when he will teach her to ride a horse. I tell him that he is spoiling her, but he says there is no such thing as spoiling a princess.

For his sake, I hope this child is a boy too.

**Sunday, August 30****th**

**Godfrey House**

Jonathon is not so convinced that Liddie is an angel after all, and I myself believe she might be from The Other Place. Mrs. Adams says that she is just teething, but anyone would think she is being put to the rack by the way she wails. I held her last night and tried to comfort her as long as I could, and then Jonathon took over but he also grew frustrated. Mrs. Adams finally put some salve from the still room onto her gums, and our little princess reappeared shortly. I hope she does not intend to repeat this performance with every tooth.

**Friday, September 18****th**

**Godfrey House**

Carrying a child this time is so much harder than with Liddie. And my poor mama went through this five times! Good Lord, how did she ever suffer my father to touch her again after the first baby? I try not to complain, but the truth is that I am looking forward to lying in, and it is only September!

**Thursday, October 1****st**

**Godfrey House**

My morning sickness has eased somewhat, but I do wish I had more energy. Poor Liddie must feel quite neglected, even with her papa taking her out on horseback rides every day.

I asked Mrs. Adams this morning where Katie, the maid, has been. I have not seen her for three days and she is not on leave to see her family, for I would know if she were. Mrs. Adams said that Katie is in disgrace, having been shamed with her young gentleman. Mrs. Adams had to let her go when her condition could no longer be ignored, and she will be leaving Godfrey soon. I asked what will happen to Katie now. Will her family take her in? Is her young man willing to take responsibility? She did not know the answers. I have asked her to find out the particulars and make a full report to me as soon as she can.

**Saturday, October 10****th**

**Godfrey House**

Katie's young man will not marry her. In fact, he has vanished! Perhaps he has gone to the Americas with the Maggot. I hope they are both scalped alive by the Indians there!

I told Jonathon that I could not bear that Katie should be cast out, and he agreed we must do something.

**Sunday, October 11****th**

**Godfrey House**

Katie has agreed to train Cook's helper as a downstairs maid, and she in turn will take her place in the kitchens until her baby is born. This way she will be out of sight until her confinement, and protected from any cruel comments. After the baby comes we shall have to decide what to do, but Jonathon said as long as Katie continues to serve us well, she may stay here. She cried piteously when I told her, because her parents would not have her and she was about to go to Town to see how to make her living there. I do not like to think what might have happened to her and her child in those circumstances.

Mrs. Adams sometimes has an excessive fondness for propriety, but even she could find nothing to criticize in this plan. I believe she wishes she had thought of it herself.

**Monday, November 2****nd**

**Godfrey House**

Liddie is crawling everywhere now. She crawls faster than I can walk, with my huge belly! Then when she sees I cannot catch her, she stops and laughs at me. Whatever will I do when there are two children to keep up with?

**Sunday, December 27****th**

**Godfrey House**

Liddie took her first steps on Christmas day, with Jonathon in front of her and me urging her on from behind. She walked right into her papa's arms and she was so immensely pleased with herself, I thought her smile would remain permanently on her face. But her smile was only half as brilliant as Jonathon's.

Jonathon asked why I had tears in my eyes. I blamed it on being with child.

**Tuesday, March 1****st**

**Godfrey House**

I have started my second confinement. I hope it passes as quickly as the first did. Mrs. Adams says my belly is the largest she has ever seen, even for a woman with child.

_**Monday, March 28**__**th**_

_**Godfrey House**_

_Dear Mr. Bennet and family,_

_ Once again I have the honor of conveying my congratulations to you. Lydia was delivered of a son, Jonathon Thomas Fret, at a quarter to twelve last night. She was delivered of a second son, Alexander James Fret, half an hour later. Mother and both children are well. Lydia sends her fondest regards, and advises that out of concern for Mrs. Bennet's nerves, it may not be advisable to visit for at least several months for two babies, after all, are much louder than one. As always, I remain_

_Your thankful son-in-law,_

_Captain Jonathon Fret_

**Saturday, April 2****nd**

**Godfrey House**

The twin's birth was much more difficult than Liddie's was. At least Jonathon remained upright this time, so I suppose that is some improvement.

Am I truly now the mother of three children? I cannot believe it. All the children seem so unreal, but I am very glad to have them. Still, I told Jonathon, half-joking, that I wish he would not even consider touching me again for at least five years. I am in no hurry to repeat this process. He simply smiled and said, We shall see how it goes.

**Monday, April 4****th**

**Godfrey House**

My aunt Gardiner gave me this journal almost two years ago and it has clearly seen better days, besides which the pages are now completely full. There is a great deal written here that I should not like anyone to ever see, but there are also many happy memories. I cannot bear to throw it out or destroy it, it would feel like discarding an old friend. Instead I shall place this journal at the bottom of my oak chest, underneath the dress I wore when I married, and hope that I remember where to find it when I want to read it again. Maybe Jonathon will bring me a new journal the next time he goes to Newcastle.


	23. Epilogue - Remembrances

_**Sunday, March 30**__**th**_

_**Some fifty years later**_

_**The Vicarage**_

_My dear niece,_

_I trust that this letter finds all of you in the best of health. We are all well here, and looking forward to the start of warmer weather._

_I received your letter of last Tuesday with great joy. Your uncle and I are delighted to hear of your children's little triumphs and accomplishments, and it is good of you to take the time to write of them all so thoroughly._

_You must not even consider returning your grandparent's journals to me, though it is very considerate of you to ask. I sent them to you so that you, as the oldest daughter of the next generation, may become their newest guardian. It is only proper that we women are the caretakers of our shared family history, and I know that it will be in good hands if you take on that duty. If I had had a daughter of my own, these things would have gone to her, but one can hardly complain of having five healthy sons! _

_I must confess that when I first found both journals several years ago, at the bottom of my mother's oak chest, it took me quite some time to understand how they related to each other. Their journals reflect their different personalities perfectly, my father's being carefully ordered, methodical, and given to understatement; my mother's being written in various pens, with a great many blots and smears, and with multiple errors crossed out in places. Taken together, however, they tell the same story, in their own inimitable styles. _

_Of course by now you have also discovered the bits and pieces of other correspondence that I was able to include, rescued from my father's meticulous records, in the hope that it would be illuminating._

_My parents were such a constant presence in my life that even now, when they have both been gone for some years (especially my dear father), their presence can seem quite real to me. Their expressions, manner of speech, and forceful personalities had such a strong influence on my life that it is hard to remember that you, their grandchild, did not have as much opportunity to build such memories of them. Your curiosity is quite natural, especially after reading their journals, and I shall therefore try, in this letter, to answer the questions that you have raised, though I may not have time to address them all as thoroughly as you might like._

_I remember mama in my mind much as you see her at the end of her journal—a devoted wife and mother, occasionally given to a little silliness, but always with the good of her family in mind. The only remnant of her former faults might have been seen whenever she heard of a worthless young gentleman in the neighborhood, especially one who was paying attention to any young lady. Sooner or later, she could be counted on to sally forth from Godfrey House, seize the offending young man by the back of his neck, and threaten to ship him to Australia or the Americas if he did not reform straightaway. (We children always watched these performances with great amusement. ) She used the invective of "Maggot" so commonly during these tirades that soon, any young man who had a reputation of a seducer, spendthrift, or wastrel was said by the neighborhood to be in danger of "being maggoted" by Mrs. Fret. To be "maggoted" by my mother was a fearsome thing indeed, and it meant that you may as well just leave the country now, and save yourself and everyone else a great deal of trouble later. _

_Mama did learn how to sew, and to do so with great talent. She always did enjoy a challenge, and I suppose that with such a large family she had no choice but to learn eventually. I am glad for her sake that after the twin's birth, each new child was separated from the previous by a good two or three years. We older children grew to look forward to each new birth almost as much as our parents did._

_My father (Fret , that is; not the Maggot) is also accurately reflected in his journal: quietly heroic, exceedingly patient, and an excellent disciplinarian when the need arose. _

_I wish I could say that there was never a time when my father and my mother disagreed with each other, but you know how perfectly impossible that would be! They both being of decided opinions, disputes did sometimes arise, but they were resolved swiftly, with no sense of disdain or harshness, and often with great displays of affection afterwards. (Mrs. Adams always cringed, but papa said it was far better for children to see affection between parents than to see anger.) My parents were, I believe, an excellent example of domestic felicity, though they probably would have been surprised to hear themselves described in such a way. They simply cared for each other, and thought nothing more of it._

_We maintained a good relationship with all of mama's sisters, my dear aunts, while we were growing up. I am not entirely sure when mama's sisters fully accepted her change in manners and decorum, but I am certain that they did, for there was scarcely a summer that did not see one set of cousins visiting another set at Pemberley, the Vinings, or Godfrey House, or occasionally at Aunt Kitty's house, which name escapes me at the moment. It was on one of these visits to Godfrey House that the young Master Fitzwilliam Darcy paid his addresses to my sister Cassandra. You, as their daughter, are a witness to what a happy union that has been._

_Of course, not all the children accompanied their parents on every trip. Pemberley could easily have accommodated the five Darcy children and my eleven brothers and sisters at once, but the Vinings was not quite so large, and I do believe the six or seven who usually went with my mother and father were quite a substantial addition to Aunt Jane's own family of seven. But of course she and uncle Bingley never complained. And when the Darcy's, Bingley's, or Masterson's visited Godfrey House, the older children found it great fun to set up their own temporary establishment at Kelsey Cottage (after Jenkins married and started his own family), always under Mrs. Adams' watchful eye. Any infractions were dealt with most severely, by mama herself, but for the fun of the frolics we had, it was almost worth it. _

_We saw my mother's parents often enough. Grandfather Bennet always remained rather distant and with a sardonic sense of humor, and Grandmother Bennet constantly spoke of her married daughters to all who would listen. (Aunt Mary was rather overlooked.) They too visited Godfrey House from time to time, always arriving unannounced. At those times my father remained his patient self, helping my mother deal with her difficult relatives with forbearance and general good breeding. The system my mama developed for dealing with her mother proved so successful that it was eventually instituted with us children as well, and none of us were permitted to be lazy or selfish in our habits. My mother ran a very strict household indeed, almost military in its precision, but always ruled with kindness and a strict respect for the feelings of all._

_Were you surprised to read of Katie's son and his humble origins? For this is indeed the same Lucas who is now steward of the Godfrey House estate in Jenkins' place. He grew up with us in the nursery for a number of years, until Katie married and left our service, and we still see each other whenever there is coming and going between Godfrey House and The Vicarage._

_There is one other person you did not ask about, perhaps from a natural sense of delicacy or else because you thought I would have no information to give._

_I became aware of my paternity at the tender age of ten years. Our Aunt Kitty and her family had come for their yearly visit, along with Aunt Mary, and as we all sat together in the drawing room, the adults engaging in idle gossip and such, Aunt Kitty asked my mother whether she had ever heard anything more from "that awful Wickham." My mother promptly threatened to box her ears if she ever mentioned the Maggot again, and when Aunt Mary uttered some kind of moral platitude about the sins of the fathers following their children, my mother made good on her promise by boxing her ears instead. Of course after that I could not be satisfied until I knew all the particulars._

_Around the time your uncle and I began to court, I became quite consumed with the idea of my natural father and wondered whatever had become of him. Following an impulse, I contacted my uncle Darcy, the old Master, and asked if he had ever had any further intelligence of George Wickham, and if he had, would he be so good as to forward that information to me. Of all the people connected to my mother's earlier years, he seemed the most likely candidate for this possibility, and in this conjecture I was proven correct._

_Uncle Darcy was happy to respond. He had been kept informed of Wickham's movements via his agents in America, who reported that when Wickham first arrived there, he traveled to a small town in the west and at once began to make a name for himself in the same way that he had made himself known in Meryton. The townspeople cast him out and made him go live with the local Indians, who found they could not trust their daughters with him either, and after two weeks, tried to send him back. As the townspeople had no desire to step in the same river twice, they and the Indians began quite an argument about who should have the responsibility of dealing with him. They were never able to reach a satisfactory agreement. In the end, he was finally stripped of all his clothes, coated with honey from head to toe, and left tied up near a hill of red ants. After this, nothing further was ever heard of him._

_I suppose I should have found this rather tragic, but shall I own that the very image instead made me giggle for days? Please do not think any the worse of me because of this. You must admit that the thought is rather amusing._

_My papa used to say that people are like books, that all of us have pages stuck together where parts of our history are not readily apparent to others. He said that if we could pry apart the stuck pages of each other's books we might be quite surprised at what we would find. Some of the pages of my mother's life were definitely bound together quite tightly, for in the years of my growing up, nobody ever mentioned mama's youthful indiscretions. I think they were almost completely forgotten. But thanks to the journals, what was once hidden has now seen the light of day. Truly, the circumstances which my mother first thought of as a trial and ordeal worked out for her own good, as the Scripture says. I can safely say, along with my dear Robert, that God has been very good to us indeed._

_Your uncle is spared from having to preach this Easter, and so we have accepted your parent's kind invitation to be with them at Pemberley for the joyous holiday. Am I correct in thinking that you will join us there as well? Perhaps then I will have a chance to give your remaining questions the full attention that they deserve. For now I must close this letter. God willing, you may expect us to arrive by coach on Sunday, April 18__th__, at half past two. Until then, I remain_

_Your loving aunt,_

_Mrs. Lydia Amelia Rose Spade_

**And so, as Captain Fret would say, It is done. I hope you have enjoyed reading Lydia's transformation as much as I have enjoyed writing it! **

**My warmest thoughts and appreciation go to my husband, who has been patient for the past six months or so while Lydia's story and its predecessor commanded all my spare time. Fret's personality is based, in part, on him. Likewise, I appreciate my children's understanding of my need to write obsessively at times, and the fact that they haven't laughed when my conversational speech sometimes takes on an 18****th**** century quality!**

**But my biggest thanks go to my faithful readers and commenters, who have been the inspiration to keep going when the writing hit temporary roadblocks. You are absolutely the best audience ever!**

**I plan on taking a little break from writing now, although I will continue to edit and generally "clean up" these two stories, and perhaps self-publish them. The holidays beckon and I need all possible time and attention to deal with that for now. After the new year, I have one or two other story ideas floating around that may start materializing, and I appreciate any suggestions you might have.**

**See you at the next plot line!**


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